A Giggle

Dear Friend,

No matter how stressed I get with my kids, when I hear them laugh – genuinely express natural and spontaneous joy – I can’t help but join them.

From the standpoint of parental discipline, this can be a problem.

For example, right now I am typing in the dark – my kids are telling a spooky story – and in our motorhome, that means all lights are off.

Now, they should be taking their baths and brushing their teeth. And they left a mess on the floor, some of which could hurt if I stepped on it.

But, the pure joy that is in the air when kids are just naturally themselves is too precious to disturb – at least until the fighting starts. Then it’s easy to take charge.

These moments only happen on occasion – at least when I can share them. And I suspect that when I witness the raw, innocent energy of a child’s laugh, I am living in a bit of heaven.

I like that.

All the best,

Hugh

Mars vs. Venus - The Male Perspective

Dear Friend,

One of the greatest problems that families have in improving the quality of their lives together is the common reality that the parents themselves don't agree on what the family priorities should be.

In fact, many men find themselves confused and saddened by their family life, especially as it relates to their relationship to their wife.

A common complaint seems to be that, once the children are born, the husband becomes an ignored accessory, whose purpose for existing in the family hierarchy is to do the stuff his wife doesn't want to do (like plunging the toilet), but who otherwise no longer feels a central part of the family in the eyes of his wife.

I like to call this the "sperm donor syndrome." After children are born, many men find themselves marginalized by their wives, who seem to trade in their identity as a woman and wife for the exclusive identity of "mommy." "Hubby is a big boy. He can take care of himself. How dare he put more burdens on me. Why, he's just another baby in the house!"

Any of this sound familiar? Some folks laugh at this stuff. It does seem to have become so commonplace as to be a caricature of married life "after kids."

The problem is, this type of attitude by wives destroys marriages, and yet many women seem to be clueless about what they are doing.

From a man's point of view, when their wife fills her schedule up with every possible activity except spending time with her husband or doing things with him, on occasion, that he enjoys, the wife has abandoned him.

This is the experience of millions of men around the world, but particularly in Western countries. The result is often husbands and fathers who avoid their family rather than face being regularly reminded of how unimportant they now are at home.

I know that some men deserve the negative labels that they receive in their marriage. But I submit that most men aren't pigs, and shouldn't be treated like doormats either.

This is not a popular problem to discuss. And you won't find huge amounts written about it, either. However, until men are fully engaged in the family, there can be no complete family.

I submit that men intentionally disengage from their families after children are born because they are often, in effect, invited to disengage by the women they love. They feel ignored and marginalized by their wives, and no longer identify their family life as a potential source of positive energy.

If you are a husband, then you are probably quite aware of what I am talking about. If you are a wife, perhaps you think I've lost my mind? That I'm a biased male who hasn't a clue?

If you are a wife and mother, and you are serious about taking your family life to the next level, then I strongly suggest that you take some quiet time, perhaps let your husband read this post, and then listen to what he says.

You just might be amazed by what you learn. And you will definitely improve the chances that he will join you in your quest for a fantastic family life.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Get Your Copy of Families Without Limits While They Last!

Dear Friend,

It's up!

That's right, the long anticipated first edition of my new book, Families Without Limits, is available right now for immediate download at http://www.familieswithoutlimits.com.

I hope you'll check it out and pick up a copy. This book summarizes my entire philosophy for turning a mediocre family life into something better than you ever dreamed of.

And I am serious about this. If, after applying the principles that I set forth for you there and within 60 days, you are not thrilled with the results, just drop me a note and I'll cheerfully return the purchase price to you.

This is my passion. I am here because I want to help people to understand why their family life may not be what they had always hoped it would be. Families Without Limits is how I intend to help you today.

I look forward to hearing your success stories!

The Warrior crew is in Central Washington State at a fairly cozy RV park with great Internet, so perhaps we'll hang out awhile here until the wife get's itching to move on.

It's late here so I'll wrap this up now. I hope to have a regular blog post up tomorrow.

As always, all the best,

Hugh

Are You a Rock?

Dear Friend,

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~ Oscar Wilde

I posted this quote on Twitter.com recently.  I found it to be one of the most true statements that I have ever repeated. 

I hope that in following this blog, and in reading my books, that perhaps I will spark the flame of living that so many of us no longer find burning within.

Rocks exist.  Their purpose is to do no more.  So in existence they carry a dignity all their own.

Humans, on the other hand, are meant for so much more.  Otherwise, why would we have so much more to offer the world than a simple rock?

If you believe that you are merely existing in this world, then you are.  And since you are not a rock, I propose that you start making some changes to your life today to rectify this situation.

Humans just don't make good rocks.  So don't be one!  Start creating a life worth living right now.

All the best,

Hugh

Bison Crossing - The Proof

Dear Friend,

In case there was any doubt about my Bison traffic jam reference in last night's post, here's the evidence:

All the best,

Hugh

Warning - Bison Crossing

Dear Friend,

The new Families Without Limits book will be available for sale online in a day or two. I hope that you'll pick up a copy! I'll give you more details as I have them.

Today we toured Yellowstone National Park. We rented a big SUV and a little GPS device that acts as a tour guide within the Park. This device actually has way-points programmed into it and as you approach a point of interest a narration is broadcast over the FM radio. Very cool, considering taking a live narrated tour would have cost us hundred of dollars.

One thing I like about Canada is that they often have a "family rate" for admission to sites, which saves me substantially over paying six separate admission fees. I don't see this in the States.

I understand that on a tour bus a kid takes up one seat the same as a full paying adult, but I just can't justify spending $300 for a couple of hours when I can spend $200 for two and a half days of fully-narrated touring in my own, huge, rented SUV.

Anyway, my wife continues to take breathtaking photographs. I hope that she will finally put together a portfolio so that the rest of the world can enjoy her considerable talent. Perhaps she'll let me post a few here? We'll see.

We spent quite a bit of time today in a Park traffic jam as a herd of Bison decided to sit down in the only road in or out of the Park. Always an interesting experience. We have seen so much wildlife in its natural habitat during our journey. I hope that this bodes well for the state of our environment.

I'll continue to keep you updated on the book release. Thanks so much for following the travels of the Warrior crew!

All the best,

Hugh

Victory!

Dear Friend,

Tonight I helped to wipe out the forces of Greece. I was allied with my Roman counterparts in a coordinated campaign of utter destruction.

Yes, I played Microsoft's "Age of Empires" computer game with my two sons tonight. It's an old game that allows the players to work as a team by utilizing the wireless router we have on board the Warrior (appropriately called "RoadWarriorNet").

I have always enjoyed playing computer games. Especially games like Sid Meier's Civilization and its progeny. This is not a Sid Meier game but it's of the same genre.

I have also found that the time that I spend playing these games with my kids is not simply a collection of mindless zapping noises or brain-numbing blather, as some fear. I actually feel a closer bonding with my kids when I share these electronic experiences with them.

I think that my kids really like the fact that I am able to interact with them in ways that most adults cannot. And yet I can be an adult, too, when I must.

So tonight was a good night.

We are in West Yellowstone, Montana, where the temperature is ten degrees Fahrenheit cooler than it is back in Missoula. Of well, we headed South to cool off, I guess.

We have really been in a quandary as to whether we should continue on to Vancouver, British Columbia (our original destination), or just keep heading South. At this point we would have to back-track quite a bit to get there.

But my eldest son pointed out something that had a big impact on my thinking. He said that we simply had to finish what we started. Otherwise, our whole trip, no matter how fascinating, would have the air of failure about it.

I had no response to that line of reasoning. So it looks like we'll spend a good part of this week here in Yellowstone, and then head off to Vancouver as originally planned.

When will we return to the East Coast? I really don't know.

Don't really care either.

All the best,

Hugh

Death of a Spirit

Dear Friend,

Today I sat on a lonely hill in southern Montana, overlooking a broad valley.

Behind this valley were high and rocky mountains. They were quite beautiful. The sky stretched far and wide above me. I understand why they call this "Big Sky Country."

As the sun set, the colors on the mountainside changed to varying shades of red, and the wind, which never ceased to blow at a steady pace, grew cooler, and had a bit of a bite, even this early in the season.

In the valley below me were cattle, quietly grazing.

To my left stood a dozen black specks, heads down, as they grazed contentedly on the plentiful grasses.

To my right stood one lone bull. He was behind a fence that divided him from the others, but he stood right at its edge.

This bull's head never went down. He didn't graze like the others. He didn't move much, either. He just stood there, and gazed into the distance, towards the cows.

He stayed that way for what seemed like an hour, but was probably much less time. He just stood. And watched.

It was a very lonely sight. And as the breeze grew cooler, even cold, it was a hard sight.

Perhaps that is the way a bull's life is supposed to be. Perhaps he has no real thoughts or meaningful dreams. No desires beyond the most basic or instinctive.

Yet the image in my mind of a bull is a proud and powerful image. An image with so much power to move people that it adorns everything from sports jerseys to Wall Street brokerages.

The bull that I saw today was not living that image.

Perhaps, deep inside, the spirit of the bull moved in him. That spirit that we all find so powerful.

But in his life, in the only reality that he has, that bull had no life at all.

I can only wish him a swift trip to the butcher's shop. For his own sake. And for his dignity.

All the best,

Hugh

Pain

Dear Friend,

Pain. It's a subject that most of us would rather not hear about. And others, less fortunate, cannot get out of their minds.

Of course, pain comes in many forms. Physical pain is the most obvious form. I am not a physician so I will not address the physical or psychological issues associated with that affliction.

Emotional pain is something altogether different, and something that all of us at one time or another have been confronted with.

Why do we experience emotional pain? And what can we do to minimize this unwelcome guest in our lives?

Some say that emotional pain is actually our own resistance to what is. Our failure to simply accept the fact that what is is not what we previously desired or expected.

Others say that emotional pain is not within our intellectual control. That it is deeply rooted in human instinct.

Many who experience this pain report that it seems to originate more in the trunk of the body, rather than in the head. Interestingly, there are more neurons (brain-type cells) located in the trunk of the human body than there are in the brain itself. Some scientists have even speculated that in our primitive, worm-like ancestors, the main neural control for the body was located in the gut.

Perhaps this is why people often report a sudden emotional shock as "gut-wrenching," or feel strong chest pain when faced with sudden emotional trauma.

So much for the science.

And what does emotional pain have to do with living the life of your dreams?

The reality is that most of us have to face some emotional pain in order to make the changes to our lives that we need to live authentically. In fact, it is easy to live your life authentically. It comes to each of us naturally. And it is relatively easy to continue to live our lives in denial, avoiding the changes that might transform our lives.

Successfully making the transition from a life of denial to a life of authenticity, and overcoming the struggle within that transition, is the heart of what I teach.

And within that struggle, most of us will find emotional pain.

How should we confront this pain? Is pursuit of our dreams worth risking inviting such pain into our lives?

I cannot cover such a big topic here today. However, I do plan to continue to discuss this aspect of your journey to a new and better life in future posts.

For now, just be aware of it and know that you can and will overcome it.

The first step is to find courage within your own self.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Family

Dear Friend,

Sometimes, even when you do what you love, something is missing.

As humans, we are, by nature, social creatures. Yes, some of us may be perfectly at peace living alone in a mountain cabin. However, most people need human companionship to feel fulfilled.

The people we hold close to us, I call our "family." These may be friends, distant cousins, or a traditional, nuclear family, it matters not to me. Whomever you feel good being around on a regular basis, that is your family in my eyes.

Sometimes, the folks that we hang out with are not those who make us feel good. We feel forced together by the accident of birth or otherwise.

My oldest son complains often about having to hang out with his younger siblings. My younger son can't stand my youngest, who effectively dethroned him as the baby of the family. No matter what, in his eyes, our youngest can do no right.

I think that this difference in definition of the word "family" has a significant impact on the way most folks initially react to the concept of Families Without Limits.

Yes, most of my writing does assume that a family is of the traditional, nuclear sort. Nevertheless, the core of what I write is not meant to preserve any particular family structure. I am not on a mission to protect the sanctity of the nuclear family, although if I help to save some of these, I will be happy.

My mission is to encourage individuals to pursue their dreams regardless of the nature and status of their family relations. Sometimes, that actually means that I encourage individuals to pursue dreams in spite of their traditional family's influences.

My goal is simple. First and foremost, I want to help people to find personal peace and happiness. I want to help them to understand that they can achieve this by taking steps in the right direction, no matter what their situation in life currently is. And I do not shy away from encouraging people to change the makeup of those around them that I call "family" if those others truly represent obstacles to personal happiness.

Here's to families - those built around the healthy happiness of all of their members.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

The Bear

Dear Friend,

As my family and I innocently walked among the prairie grasses of Red Rock Canyon in Waterton Park, Alberta, Canada, we were suddenly confronted by an image that no one wishes for. Directly ahead of us were the gleaming eyes of a curious, possibly hungry, black bear.

The bear was walking slowly but persistently towards our little band of explorers. The question was, who was going to give in first in this dangerous game of "chicken."

Suddenly, and without warning, a crazy lady in a flowery dress ran in front of us with a camera, apparently intent on personally introducing herself to this wild creature, or maybe just getting a photo of her and the creature paling around.

Next, and just as suddenly, an entire hoard of tourist types, cameras in hand, began charging the poor creature (for I felt sorry for it now).

The once formidable predator had now become the hunted, and turned tail and ran quickly into the distant brush.

Honestly, if I had been he, I would have run too. That lady's dress was really ugly.

That is the story of our now famous run-in with the Black Bear of Red Rock Canyon. It was a moment that I shall never forget.

All the best,

Hugh

Ancient Answers to Modern Questions

Dear Friend,

I had the pleasure of re-tweeting (repeating) a Twitter post by Colin Lewis (twitter.com/colinlewis), a respected European writer and philanthropist.
This post consisted of a list of the "Six Mistakes of Man", as written by Cicero, the great Roman writer and philosopher who lived about 2000 years ago.

Although these are very old rules for life, it is amazing how timely they remain. In fact, I question whether we have added anything to these after so many other great minds have considered the same Great Questions.

Cicero's Six Mistakes of Man are as follows:


1. The delusion that personal gain is made by crushing others.

2. The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed or corrected.

3. Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it.

4. Refusing to set aside trivial preferences.

5. Neglecting development and refinement of the mind (not reading & studying)

6. Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do.


Can you improve on these? I can't.

If only more folks would take these to heart, imagine how much misery could have been avoided in our world.

Wishing you all the best,

Hugh

P.S. I WILL tell the rest of the bear story. I promise.

Grin and "Bear" It

Dear Friend,

Just a very short note as we head back into uncertain Internet territory.

All is going well after our run in with yesterday's black bear (more later).

The children are experiencing more here than they could ever experience back home, living a conventional life.

Your's could too. Why don't you join us?

All the best,

Hugh