I've Moved The Passionate Warrior Blog! Won't You Follow Me?

Dear Friend,

Sorry that you haven't heard much from me in a while, but I've been busy moving The Passionate Warrior Blog to a new server. 

Unfortunately this also means that you will need to re-sign up to receive my free blog posts again.  It's simple to do.  Just head over to http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheWayOfThePassionateWarrior and chose how you'd like to get your copy. 

You can get these posts either via RSS feed or via email.  If you don't know what RSS is, don't sweat it.  Just sign up for the email version.

Either way, it's all free!

Thanks so much for following!

All the best,

Hugh

A Giggle

Dear Friend,

No matter how stressed I get with my kids, when I hear them laugh – genuinely express natural and spontaneous joy – I can’t help but join them.

From the standpoint of parental discipline, this can be a problem.

For example, right now I am typing in the dark – my kids are telling a spooky story – and in our motorhome, that means all lights are off.

Now, they should be taking their baths and brushing their teeth. And they left a mess on the floor, some of which could hurt if I stepped on it.

But, the pure joy that is in the air when kids are just naturally themselves is too precious to disturb – at least until the fighting starts. Then it’s easy to take charge.

These moments only happen on occasion – at least when I can share them. And I suspect that when I witness the raw, innocent energy of a child’s laugh, I am living in a bit of heaven.

I like that.

All the best,

Hugh

Mars vs. Venus - The Male Perspective

Dear Friend,

One of the greatest problems that families have in improving the quality of their lives together is the common reality that the parents themselves don't agree on what the family priorities should be.

In fact, many men find themselves confused and saddened by their family life, especially as it relates to their relationship to their wife.

A common complaint seems to be that, once the children are born, the husband becomes an ignored accessory, whose purpose for existing in the family hierarchy is to do the stuff his wife doesn't want to do (like plunging the toilet), but who otherwise no longer feels a central part of the family in the eyes of his wife.

I like to call this the "sperm donor syndrome." After children are born, many men find themselves marginalized by their wives, who seem to trade in their identity as a woman and wife for the exclusive identity of "mommy." "Hubby is a big boy. He can take care of himself. How dare he put more burdens on me. Why, he's just another baby in the house!"

Any of this sound familiar? Some folks laugh at this stuff. It does seem to have become so commonplace as to be a caricature of married life "after kids."

The problem is, this type of attitude by wives destroys marriages, and yet many women seem to be clueless about what they are doing.

From a man's point of view, when their wife fills her schedule up with every possible activity except spending time with her husband or doing things with him, on occasion, that he enjoys, the wife has abandoned him.

This is the experience of millions of men around the world, but particularly in Western countries. The result is often husbands and fathers who avoid their family rather than face being regularly reminded of how unimportant they now are at home.

I know that some men deserve the negative labels that they receive in their marriage. But I submit that most men aren't pigs, and shouldn't be treated like doormats either.

This is not a popular problem to discuss. And you won't find huge amounts written about it, either. However, until men are fully engaged in the family, there can be no complete family.

I submit that men intentionally disengage from their families after children are born because they are often, in effect, invited to disengage by the women they love. They feel ignored and marginalized by their wives, and no longer identify their family life as a potential source of positive energy.

If you are a husband, then you are probably quite aware of what I am talking about. If you are a wife, perhaps you think I've lost my mind? That I'm a biased male who hasn't a clue?

If you are a wife and mother, and you are serious about taking your family life to the next level, then I strongly suggest that you take some quiet time, perhaps let your husband read this post, and then listen to what he says.

You just might be amazed by what you learn. And you will definitely improve the chances that he will join you in your quest for a fantastic family life.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Get Your Copy of Families Without Limits While They Last!

Dear Friend,

It's up!

That's right, the long anticipated first edition of my new book, Families Without Limits, is available right now for immediate download at http://www.familieswithoutlimits.com.

I hope you'll check it out and pick up a copy. This book summarizes my entire philosophy for turning a mediocre family life into something better than you ever dreamed of.

And I am serious about this. If, after applying the principles that I set forth for you there and within 60 days, you are not thrilled with the results, just drop me a note and I'll cheerfully return the purchase price to you.

This is my passion. I am here because I want to help people to understand why their family life may not be what they had always hoped it would be. Families Without Limits is how I intend to help you today.

I look forward to hearing your success stories!

The Warrior crew is in Central Washington State at a fairly cozy RV park with great Internet, so perhaps we'll hang out awhile here until the wife get's itching to move on.

It's late here so I'll wrap this up now. I hope to have a regular blog post up tomorrow.

As always, all the best,

Hugh

Are You a Rock?

Dear Friend,

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~ Oscar Wilde

I posted this quote on Twitter.com recently.  I found it to be one of the most true statements that I have ever repeated. 

I hope that in following this blog, and in reading my books, that perhaps I will spark the flame of living that so many of us no longer find burning within.

Rocks exist.  Their purpose is to do no more.  So in existence they carry a dignity all their own.

Humans, on the other hand, are meant for so much more.  Otherwise, why would we have so much more to offer the world than a simple rock?

If you believe that you are merely existing in this world, then you are.  And since you are not a rock, I propose that you start making some changes to your life today to rectify this situation.

Humans just don't make good rocks.  So don't be one!  Start creating a life worth living right now.

All the best,

Hugh

Bison Crossing - The Proof

Dear Friend,

In case there was any doubt about my Bison traffic jam reference in last night's post, here's the evidence:

All the best,

Hugh

Warning - Bison Crossing

Dear Friend,

The new Families Without Limits book will be available for sale online in a day or two. I hope that you'll pick up a copy! I'll give you more details as I have them.

Today we toured Yellowstone National Park. We rented a big SUV and a little GPS device that acts as a tour guide within the Park. This device actually has way-points programmed into it and as you approach a point of interest a narration is broadcast over the FM radio. Very cool, considering taking a live narrated tour would have cost us hundred of dollars.

One thing I like about Canada is that they often have a "family rate" for admission to sites, which saves me substantially over paying six separate admission fees. I don't see this in the States.

I understand that on a tour bus a kid takes up one seat the same as a full paying adult, but I just can't justify spending $300 for a couple of hours when I can spend $200 for two and a half days of fully-narrated touring in my own, huge, rented SUV.

Anyway, my wife continues to take breathtaking photographs. I hope that she will finally put together a portfolio so that the rest of the world can enjoy her considerable talent. Perhaps she'll let me post a few here? We'll see.

We spent quite a bit of time today in a Park traffic jam as a herd of Bison decided to sit down in the only road in or out of the Park. Always an interesting experience. We have seen so much wildlife in its natural habitat during our journey. I hope that this bodes well for the state of our environment.

I'll continue to keep you updated on the book release. Thanks so much for following the travels of the Warrior crew!

All the best,

Hugh

Victory!

Dear Friend,

Tonight I helped to wipe out the forces of Greece. I was allied with my Roman counterparts in a coordinated campaign of utter destruction.

Yes, I played Microsoft's "Age of Empires" computer game with my two sons tonight. It's an old game that allows the players to work as a team by utilizing the wireless router we have on board the Warrior (appropriately called "RoadWarriorNet").

I have always enjoyed playing computer games. Especially games like Sid Meier's Civilization and its progeny. This is not a Sid Meier game but it's of the same genre.

I have also found that the time that I spend playing these games with my kids is not simply a collection of mindless zapping noises or brain-numbing blather, as some fear. I actually feel a closer bonding with my kids when I share these electronic experiences with them.

I think that my kids really like the fact that I am able to interact with them in ways that most adults cannot. And yet I can be an adult, too, when I must.

So tonight was a good night.

We are in West Yellowstone, Montana, where the temperature is ten degrees Fahrenheit cooler than it is back in Missoula. Of well, we headed South to cool off, I guess.

We have really been in a quandary as to whether we should continue on to Vancouver, British Columbia (our original destination), or just keep heading South. At this point we would have to back-track quite a bit to get there.

But my eldest son pointed out something that had a big impact on my thinking. He said that we simply had to finish what we started. Otherwise, our whole trip, no matter how fascinating, would have the air of failure about it.

I had no response to that line of reasoning. So it looks like we'll spend a good part of this week here in Yellowstone, and then head off to Vancouver as originally planned.

When will we return to the East Coast? I really don't know.

Don't really care either.

All the best,

Hugh

Death of a Spirit

Dear Friend,

Today I sat on a lonely hill in southern Montana, overlooking a broad valley.

Behind this valley were high and rocky mountains. They were quite beautiful. The sky stretched far and wide above me. I understand why they call this "Big Sky Country."

As the sun set, the colors on the mountainside changed to varying shades of red, and the wind, which never ceased to blow at a steady pace, grew cooler, and had a bit of a bite, even this early in the season.

In the valley below me were cattle, quietly grazing.

To my left stood a dozen black specks, heads down, as they grazed contentedly on the plentiful grasses.

To my right stood one lone bull. He was behind a fence that divided him from the others, but he stood right at its edge.

This bull's head never went down. He didn't graze like the others. He didn't move much, either. He just stood there, and gazed into the distance, towards the cows.

He stayed that way for what seemed like an hour, but was probably much less time. He just stood. And watched.

It was a very lonely sight. And as the breeze grew cooler, even cold, it was a hard sight.

Perhaps that is the way a bull's life is supposed to be. Perhaps he has no real thoughts or meaningful dreams. No desires beyond the most basic or instinctive.

Yet the image in my mind of a bull is a proud and powerful image. An image with so much power to move people that it adorns everything from sports jerseys to Wall Street brokerages.

The bull that I saw today was not living that image.

Perhaps, deep inside, the spirit of the bull moved in him. That spirit that we all find so powerful.

But in his life, in the only reality that he has, that bull had no life at all.

I can only wish him a swift trip to the butcher's shop. For his own sake. And for his dignity.

All the best,

Hugh

Pain

Dear Friend,

Pain. It's a subject that most of us would rather not hear about. And others, less fortunate, cannot get out of their minds.

Of course, pain comes in many forms. Physical pain is the most obvious form. I am not a physician so I will not address the physical or psychological issues associated with that affliction.

Emotional pain is something altogether different, and something that all of us at one time or another have been confronted with.

Why do we experience emotional pain? And what can we do to minimize this unwelcome guest in our lives?

Some say that emotional pain is actually our own resistance to what is. Our failure to simply accept the fact that what is is not what we previously desired or expected.

Others say that emotional pain is not within our intellectual control. That it is deeply rooted in human instinct.

Many who experience this pain report that it seems to originate more in the trunk of the body, rather than in the head. Interestingly, there are more neurons (brain-type cells) located in the trunk of the human body than there are in the brain itself. Some scientists have even speculated that in our primitive, worm-like ancestors, the main neural control for the body was located in the gut.

Perhaps this is why people often report a sudden emotional shock as "gut-wrenching," or feel strong chest pain when faced with sudden emotional trauma.

So much for the science.

And what does emotional pain have to do with living the life of your dreams?

The reality is that most of us have to face some emotional pain in order to make the changes to our lives that we need to live authentically. In fact, it is easy to live your life authentically. It comes to each of us naturally. And it is relatively easy to continue to live our lives in denial, avoiding the changes that might transform our lives.

Successfully making the transition from a life of denial to a life of authenticity, and overcoming the struggle within that transition, is the heart of what I teach.

And within that struggle, most of us will find emotional pain.

How should we confront this pain? Is pursuit of our dreams worth risking inviting such pain into our lives?

I cannot cover such a big topic here today. However, I do plan to continue to discuss this aspect of your journey to a new and better life in future posts.

For now, just be aware of it and know that you can and will overcome it.

The first step is to find courage within your own self.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Family

Dear Friend,

Sometimes, even when you do what you love, something is missing.

As humans, we are, by nature, social creatures. Yes, some of us may be perfectly at peace living alone in a mountain cabin. However, most people need human companionship to feel fulfilled.

The people we hold close to us, I call our "family." These may be friends, distant cousins, or a traditional, nuclear family, it matters not to me. Whomever you feel good being around on a regular basis, that is your family in my eyes.

Sometimes, the folks that we hang out with are not those who make us feel good. We feel forced together by the accident of birth or otherwise.

My oldest son complains often about having to hang out with his younger siblings. My younger son can't stand my youngest, who effectively dethroned him as the baby of the family. No matter what, in his eyes, our youngest can do no right.

I think that this difference in definition of the word "family" has a significant impact on the way most folks initially react to the concept of Families Without Limits.

Yes, most of my writing does assume that a family is of the traditional, nuclear sort. Nevertheless, the core of what I write is not meant to preserve any particular family structure. I am not on a mission to protect the sanctity of the nuclear family, although if I help to save some of these, I will be happy.

My mission is to encourage individuals to pursue their dreams regardless of the nature and status of their family relations. Sometimes, that actually means that I encourage individuals to pursue dreams in spite of their traditional family's influences.

My goal is simple. First and foremost, I want to help people to find personal peace and happiness. I want to help them to understand that they can achieve this by taking steps in the right direction, no matter what their situation in life currently is. And I do not shy away from encouraging people to change the makeup of those around them that I call "family" if those others truly represent obstacles to personal happiness.

Here's to families - those built around the healthy happiness of all of their members.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

The Bear

Dear Friend,

As my family and I innocently walked among the prairie grasses of Red Rock Canyon in Waterton Park, Alberta, Canada, we were suddenly confronted by an image that no one wishes for. Directly ahead of us were the gleaming eyes of a curious, possibly hungry, black bear.

The bear was walking slowly but persistently towards our little band of explorers. The question was, who was going to give in first in this dangerous game of "chicken."

Suddenly, and without warning, a crazy lady in a flowery dress ran in front of us with a camera, apparently intent on personally introducing herself to this wild creature, or maybe just getting a photo of her and the creature paling around.

Next, and just as suddenly, an entire hoard of tourist types, cameras in hand, began charging the poor creature (for I felt sorry for it now).

The once formidable predator had now become the hunted, and turned tail and ran quickly into the distant brush.

Honestly, if I had been he, I would have run too. That lady's dress was really ugly.

That is the story of our now famous run-in with the Black Bear of Red Rock Canyon. It was a moment that I shall never forget.

All the best,

Hugh

Ancient Answers to Modern Questions

Dear Friend,

I had the pleasure of re-tweeting (repeating) a Twitter post by Colin Lewis (twitter.com/colinlewis), a respected European writer and philanthropist.
This post consisted of a list of the "Six Mistakes of Man", as written by Cicero, the great Roman writer and philosopher who lived about 2000 years ago.

Although these are very old rules for life, it is amazing how timely they remain. In fact, I question whether we have added anything to these after so many other great minds have considered the same Great Questions.

Cicero's Six Mistakes of Man are as follows:


1. The delusion that personal gain is made by crushing others.

2. The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed or corrected.

3. Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it.

4. Refusing to set aside trivial preferences.

5. Neglecting development and refinement of the mind (not reading & studying)

6. Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do.


Can you improve on these? I can't.

If only more folks would take these to heart, imagine how much misery could have been avoided in our world.

Wishing you all the best,

Hugh

P.S. I WILL tell the rest of the bear story. I promise.

Grin and "Bear" It

Dear Friend,

Just a very short note as we head back into uncertain Internet territory.

All is going well after our run in with yesterday's black bear (more later).

The children are experiencing more here than they could ever experience back home, living a conventional life.

Your's could too. Why don't you join us?

All the best,

Hugh

Heads Smashed In

Dear Friend,

Today my family and I enjoyed Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.

No, it's not a punk rock band. It's a UNESCO World Heritage Site and Museum in southern Alberta, Canada, that preserves the ancient history of the Blackfoot Nation, and one of the methods that the Blackfoot used, before the introduction of horses and guns into their culture, to hunt the Buffalo herds of the north west plains of the US and Canada.

In the days prior to horses and guns, it was no mean task to hunt the fast moving Buffalo herds. Many techniques were used, with varying success. Eventually, one technique gained popularity. This involved a complex, coordinated effort to stampede a herd of Buffalo over a cliff, where the fall would kill them, and the tribe could then butcher the animals and preserve their meat and other resources for the coming winter.

A successful buffalo jump could mean the difference between a healthy winter and one of starvation and death for the Blackfoot.

Once European colonists brought horses and modern firearms to the plains, however, the Blackfoot found easier ways to hunt the buffalo, and the buffalo jump technique, apparently utilized for millennia and a defining component of Blackfoot culture, was quickly abandoned.

Today the Blackfoot still respect and revere their old tradition, even though it is no longer a part of their lives.

When I study history, and particularly ancient history, I am struck by how much energy went into simply obtaining food. In every culture, and especially in those cultures that eked out an existence closer to the polar regions, huge amounts of energy went into acquiring, preserving, and storing food.

Animals, too, dedicate a huge portion of their own resources to just obtaining a meal.

In poorer regions of our planet, people still starve. But for many of us today, and our numbers are quickly growing around the world, hunger can be satisfied by a quick stop at a local dining establishment.

In other words, one of the primary historical driving forces of human existence, and of animal existence, is simply no longer an issue in the lives of many people today.

One of the less recognized impacts of this change has been to make the survival instinct a less important factor in the lives of many. In fact, many of our old instincts are today actually detrimental to our future survival.

When I wrote “Families Without Limits,” I wanted to reach people with the wake up call that we, as humans, are still living by instincts and traditions that were originally based on the survival instinct, but that today only serve to insure our continued unhappiness.

Today, perhaps for the first time in human history, our human generation no longer pines for food. Instead, we pine for a deeper sense of purpose, of satisfaction. It is this new drive to find our place in the world that requires us to learn a new approach to living our lives that is designed around this new goal. It also requires us to reject many, perhaps dear and cherished, traditions that are, unfortunately, built around a survival lifestyle model. Today, we must create new cultural traditions that specifically help us to find the deeper meaning and fulfillment that we all seem to crave.

Rejecting aspects of your native culture and consciously choosing new cultural traditions is a rare event in human history. It can be accompanied by great turmoil as many traditionalists resist change, and other folks simply wish to force a careful examination so that worthwhile traditions are not forever lost in the zest to pursue a new, apparently healthier way of life.

Might I suggest that we look to the Blackfoot Nation for a successful model of how to quickly adopt new traditions when they are clearly superior to our old ones, while we still revere those old traditions for the critical role they played in our culture's historic development?

Just something to think about.

Talk to you again soon,

Hugh

A Study in Cultural Understanding

Dear Friend,

During my family's time here in western Canada, we have noticed some subtle, and not so subtle, "cultural" differences between the people of my home town in Virginia and the people here.

First, what shines out about the people of both places is the basic decency and gentle kindness that I find in people all over.  Practically all of the people that we have interacted with personally have been both pleasant and helpful.

We have always heard that Canadians are famous for their politeness, and their courtesy.  In our travels in eastern Canada, this reputation held up well.

However, in western Canada, perhaps because of this reputation, we have been surprised to run into a rather strange phenomenon of aggressive middle-aged male drivers in pickup trucks.  Yes, these guys in pickup trucks seem to have no turn signals, move around other traffic like it is a fixed object, and otherwise just chip away at the old courteous-driving reputation of Canadians generally.

Being the overzealous researcher that I am, of course I did some Internet research at our next campsite on this subject of "discourteous western Canadian drivers."  Believe it or not, I found a recent survey that supported our findings.  Apparently, Albertans were more likely to agree with the statement that, "Aggressive driving is on the upswing," than folks from any other area of Canada, while people surveyed from the Atlantic Provinces (the area of Canada that we had last visited, where drivers seemed to us to be generally courteous) were least likely to agree with that statement.

Another phenomenon we have run into is the habit of folks to ignore, or at least to not acknowledge, strangers in their midst.  We even experienced a few in-store body-to-body collisions where the other party just went on and did not say "Excuse me," or whatever else might normally be expected in my home town.  In some places, such a bump without acknowledgment might be considered a threat or a bullying act.  This was not the case here.  I have observed by myself several incidences with ordinary strangers where attempts to make casual eye contact or verbal "excuse me's" and other courtesies were not acknowledged or were met with blank stares.

In these incidences I never saw intentional rudeness.  In fact, whenever a person's attention was successfully captured, people have been universally pleasant.  It has been the casual, stranger-to-stranger interface, or rather the lack of it, that has taken us a bit off guard.

In my Internet research, I came across a document from British Columbia that was meant as a guide to Canadian culture for foreigners recently in the country.  This document clearly talks about the importance of acknowledging strangers and using the courtesy phrases "please," "thank you," and "excuse me," liberally.  In fact, this document could have easily been re-labeled a "Guide to Virginia Courtesies."

So I don't really have an answer to this phenomenon.  Perhaps I am observing a cultural shift that has not been fully recognized?  That would be cool.

Nevertheless, the longer we spend here in western Canada, the more it becomes apparent to me that this cultural idiosyncrasy is at odds with the general cultural attitudes here.  In fact, I think that most US residents, and especially those from one of the southern states like myself, will fit in quite well here.

As an example of what I believe is a truer reflection of the Canadian culture, I relate the following incident.

Last weekend we dropped our friend off at the Calgary airport around 5:30 a.m. so that she could catch her flight back home.  She had been traveling with us but had to get back home.

We drove her to the airport in our RV, and when we arrived at the terminal we followed the traffic up a narrow, one-lane ramp to the "Departures" area.  As we approached the drop off area, I happened to notice a walking bridge that crossed over this drive just beyond the ramp and in front of the airport, attaching the airport terminal to a parking garage.

Now, all measurements in Canada are generally listed in metric units.  However, the City of Calgary apparently thought that the height listings posted on their bridge overhangs should also be in feet and inches.

So, as I drove up this ramp, and sleepily headed to the gate drop-off point, my eyes glanced up just in time to notice the printed "12 ft. 9 in." on the fast approaching overhead walkway.  I instinctively hit the breaks a few feet away, as my brain reminded me that our RV had an overall height of thirteen feet, two inches.

At that moment I realized several disturbing facts.  First, we had just narrowly avoided a very close haircut and untimely removal of our two roof-mounted air conditioning units and TV antenna.  Second, we were now trapped between a low-overhead bridge and a one-way, one-lane ramp that now boasted a continuous flow of early morning airport traffic.  We were stuck.  And good.

Our friend just bailed out and gestured goodbye as I contemplated how many tickets I was about to receive and whether we would all be on the nightly news for single-handedly stopping-up vehicle traffic at the Calgary airport.

However, despite having been asleep minutes before, my wife characteristically jumped up and out of the RV, flagged down a security person, and within minutes we were being courteously escorted the wrong way down the one-way up-ramp, and out of the airport.

We received no ticket.  There was no posturing or threats.  There was no passing the buck.  There was just, "No problem, eh."

The "problem" was solved and all was well.  There was no measurable slowdown of airport traffic.  No threats.  It was painless.

I am certain that, back home, in some major city, some very bad, very tough, ex-special forces type who was working the streets of Kandahar last week would be dealing with me in a much less civil or friendly tone than I experienced here.

At our local, small-town airport in Virginia, I hope that I would have been treated well under similar circumstances. Nevertheless, even there I have had a run in with well-meaning but, in my opinion, way over testosterone-filled security personnel.

At the very end of my family's "fun-filled," multi-day, sleeping-in-airports return from Buenos Aires two years ago, I was verbally manhandled by several policemen at my home airport who made me feel like I was, at that moment, a student in today's Tehran instead of simply a dad from an old and respected local family.

Totally exhausted as I was at that moment, I was not allowed to approach my car.  I was told to keep my hands in sight.  I was being eyed as if I might have a bomb under my crumply traveling clothes.

I still have no idea why these guys thought that I was so scary.  In the end, they didn't even charge me with anything.  I wonder if perhaps they had watched too many Hollywood movies or had attended just one-too-many security briefings that prepared them for "worst-case" scenarios.  Perhaps their hyper-vigilance was turning even casual interactions with ordinary people like me into that worst-case scenario, "just-in-case?"

Travel opens your eyes.  No place is perfect.  Good and bad is everywhere.

I have discovered that, by far, the good outweighs the bad, and the bad can generally be handled as long as you don't over react to it.

If you watch the nightly news and think that, just maybe, those foreign countries are too dangerous to travel to, think again.  Sometimes the most dangerous place that you can be is in your own backyard.

Talk to you again when I get a good Internet signal!

All the best,

Hugh

Time

Dear Friend,

As I was driving the mountains and valleys of the Canadian Rockies this week, I started to think about time.

Now in my life these days, time isn't much of a factor.  However, early tomorrow morning we will be dropping off our friend and companion-to-date at the Calgary, Alberta, airport for a long flight back home.

You see, she has a "regular" life, and that requires that she limit her time on our journey.  In truth, she has an elderly mother who wants and needs her at home.  And our friend is a willing source of comfort for her mom.

We will all miss our friend.  However, I must admit that I will not miss the looming deadline of her flight tomorrow.   After this, we have no agenda, and that suits me just fine.

One of the thoughts that I had while I was driving was how slow or fast time seems to pass, and why.  I came to the following conclusion:


Time passes to the degree that you are focused on the moment.  More focused on the moment?  Time moves slowly.  Unconscious?  Time passes instantaneously.  Walking around in a fog?  Time passes quickly.  If you want to slow time down in your life, you only need become aware of the moment.

It seemed like a rather simplistic conclusion, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me.

It also opens an exciting possibility.  Perhaps we have the power to speed up or slow down how fast our life passes before us, simply by consciously choosing to focus or not focus on any particular moment in our life?

Life not going so good?  Just do what you have to do, but don't focus on it too closely unless you absolutely have to.  Want to spend more time with your kids?  Make sure that you are especially focused and conscious during those times that you are together.  Your life today may make it difficult to spend time doing the things you love.  Perhaps you can make up a bit for this by focusing your conscious thoughts during the moments that really matter.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Hugh

Climbing the Rockies

Dear Friend,

It's been a bit since I've posted. And in that time our crew has driven quite a ways across western Canada. In fact, we've finally reached the Rockies!

We are in Jasper, Alberta. This is a Canadian National Park area, and it's easy to see why.

The scenery is breathtaking. And wild animals abound. In our short time here we have seen mountain sheep walking along a shear cliff-side, and a large male elk grazing along some railroad tracks, right beside a busy tourist area.

My wife has been disappointed to have missed these photo ops, but I am sure there will be more.

We brought a friend along who up until now has been helping with the kids, but she flies back out of Calgary, in southern Alberta, on Friday morning, so we have a deadline to reach that city before then.

That's a small achievement, considering we are just about there. However, it puts a bit of a crimp into my relaxed travel style (I hate deadlines). And we have been running a bit from scenic site to scenic site, without being able to stop and dig-in a bit at any one place.

A fast paced travel schedule feels too much like a vacation to me. Time is limited on vacations, so most folks try to squeeze as much as they can into that time.

When you live on the road, however, time is, essentially infinite. There is no need to rush. And you can always go back to some place you like if you want to. There is no particular route, because the road itself, and all of the places along it, are home. Your travel path may resemble the flight path of a bumble bee, but it doesn't matter. You move when you want to, because you want to, in any direction that you wish.

This is freedom in its truest incarnation. Now if only I can get my wife to understand this...

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Mountains Ho!

Dear Friend,

Tonight my family and I are taking in the beauty of one of Canada's many National Parks. We are in Western Manitoba, and just finished climbing the first mountain range (or the first hill for that matter) that we have seen thus far in Canada.

The Warrior is running like a champ. Her diesel didn't even warm up while climbing these hills. That gives me confidence as we look west towards the mountains of Alberta and British Columbia.

The gang headed out in search of dinner, and to give dad a few moments rest after a long drive.

Incredibly, there is excellent cell coverage here - the best we have experienced thus far in Manitoba, even though we are literally in the middle of nowhere.

So Internet connectivity is great, but expensive.

I am using my Verizon Air Card here in Canada. It sends and receives Internet via the cell phone network. Our US and Canada mobile Internet plan is running us $220 per month. That is in addition to the $89.95 for the US and Canada cell phone coverage. And God help you if you go over your allotted minutes/megabytes for the month. Last month's bill, with overages, was over $600.

There aren't a lot of Internet options for the boonies that are available in North America.

Satellite Internet for RVs is available, though from very few vendors. The mainstream RV supply companies do not offer it anymore.

Now if you want to watch the boob-tube while driving down the highway, there's no problem there. Plenty of options to choose from. I guess that the industry is still focused on the 70+ year old crowd, who still actually seem to hang on every word of the nightly news. I feel very sorry for them. They are being terrorized into their grave every night so that the networks can sell a few more bars of soap.

Anyway, satellite Internet equipment set-ups for RVs run about $1,700 US for a portable tripod that you can set up in a campground, or about $5,500 for an automatic system mounted of the RV's roof. Monthly service runs $60 to $80 for decent bandwidth. And you have to have a clear view of the Southern sky for the system to work. Even trees cause significant interference and will block out your satellite Internet signal.

Satellite Internet has other weaknesses, too. The "lag", or delay time caused by the time the signal takes to go into space and bounce back, causes echos that ruin VOIP (telephone) services, so you can't count on saving money there. Cell phone service will still be needed. Also, anything that requires real-time responsiveness, like some video games, just don't work well on satellite systems. Not important to us but my oldest son would disagree vigorously.

If you are "digital nomads" like us, you have to be connected. We continue to run our business everyday. Without Internet, and particularly without cell service, we are sunk. We just might be wandering paupers. So this is an issue close to our hearts - and wallets.

Anyway, we'll see what we do. This is an important and apparently little recognized market. It is the Internet that makes my mobile lifestyle possible. In urban areas worldwide there is no issue. But the boonies, even here in North America, may just be becoming the 21st century's version of the Third World - disconnected and forgotten.

We never know when we can be in touch, so don't worry if you don't hear from us for a day or two. I'll post whenever I can.

All the best,

Hugh

A Beautiful Evening With My Kids

Dear Friend -

Tonight my kids and I took in quite a light show.

You see, we were sitting on a grassy bank overlooking Lake Winnipeg, in Manitoba, Canada.  It was about 11 p.m., a bit late for them to be up, but the only time to experience what we saw.

Lake Winnipeg is no ordinary lake.  From where we were we could not see the opposite shore, creating the impression that we were on some inland sea.

The moon rose slowly, directly off the beach to the east, while a storm of falling stars raged overhead, and a brewing thunderstorm put on a lightning show to the south.  All the while, the sky around us was crystal clear, and we could see, in the dark night, what seemed like all of the stars of the Milky Way.

A cool breeze picked up off the lake, and we just lay there, staring up at the sky.  Nearby, a group of teens had a roaring campfire and were laughing and singing, but not too loudly.  They didn't spoil the scene.  Instead they seemed to fit naturally into it.

My youngest son had never seen shooting stars before tonight.  And I held him in my arms as he saw his first.  We talked about the science.  And the beauty.  And the peace that was the moment.

That moment will never die, because it will always be with me.  I hope that it is always with them as well.

All the best,

Hugh

A Great River, A Big Country

Dear Friend,

A few weeks ago I wrote about a great little boat ride that I took with my family, and about the old Cajun boat captain who regaled us with his own unique wit and accent.

At that time we were exploring the waters of the Mississippi delta, where the mighty Mississippi River flows into the Gulf of Mexico.

Today, the ladies took the day off to rent a car and visit the headwaters of that same Mississippi River.

Yes. By headwaters, I mean the beginning of the Mississippi River, here in Bemidji, Minnesota. In fact, my youngest got baptized in it (well, she fell in, anyway).

The idea that we have gone from Fort Worth, Texas, through the southeast US, up through the Mid-Atlantic, then over to the fields of the Mid-West, and finally to within a short hop of Winnipeg, Manitoba, is mind boggling.

But here we are. (Aren't diesel engines great! ;-))

Today, my kids heard the name "Paul Bunyan," apparently for the first time. When I was a kid, everyone knew who Paul Bunyan was. How have I failed my children?

Tomorrow, unless we lazily change our mind again (and the WiFi at this campground is pretty good), we shall head off to Winnipeg, and soak up its luscious wonders.

It felt good to take a long nap today. The boys stayed in, and I got to a bunch of email and other junk that I just had to catch up on.

Funny, except for the driving, I have found that I am much more productive on the road than I am "back home." I like the simplicity of life here, without all of the schedules. Yes, there are definitely places that we want to see. And no, I will not be driving in the Rockies when the snow starts flying (I'm a Southern boy at heart). But other than those broad parameters, there is simply no agenda. We are home wherever we are. Moving. Or sitting still.

There are still things to do, of course. I think I might have screwed up the leveling pads on the Warrior when I put it in reverse and forgot they were still down. They finally went up, but all the lights are blinking like crazy and I can't get them to stop. And I can't seem to clean the last bit of fun stuff out of the "black" tank (where the toilet drains). Maybe a good bumpy ride will take care of that.

Anyway, if anyone has recommendations for us at this point, for places to visit or whatever, or if you have questions about how you can take your family life in a more carefree direction, just post a reply note to this post. I'd love to talk!

As always, all the best,

Hugh

What is Beauty?

What is beauty?

Is it a perfect profile? Or a perfect smile?

Is it hope? Is it the energy of positive expectations?

Is beauty simply the opposite of ugly? Is beauty the absence of ugly?

Is ugly a lack of hope? A surrendered soul? A bitter heart?

Every day around me, I see beauty. And I see ugly.

Mostly, I see beauty in young people.

And I see ugly in the old. An empty look of a life that has been spent. Like a salmon that has laid it's eggs and is now waiting to die.

Is that what we are? Are we slaves of instinct? Are we no better than a salmon?

What the h*ll is your life about? Why did you, or God, or whomever, send you here to exist in this realm of "reality" in the first place?

Is your life a random, irrelevent event? Or do you have a job to do? And if so, what is it?

Are you here to swim upstream and spend your life on some act of mindless instinct? If that was your purpose, don't you think you would have come to earth as a fish?

Why are you here? Why do you have a mind to comprehend, and a heart to love and be awed?

You are a human. You have a sophisticated, beautiful, human purpose for being. What is it?

I wish you luck in your quest.

All the best,

Hugh

In an Internet Pickle

Dear Friend,

I'm in a bit of an Internet pickle right now.

It seems that our gang has managed to use over 10 gigabytes of bandwidth this month on our wireless air card.  As a result, I have to wait until August 9th before I can get on line for any length of time again.

I am afraid the real problem was that I forgot to turn on the security protocol on my local wireless router, and other folks at our last campground just went to town running up my wireless bill without me knowing it.

Oh well, I guess that was my screw up. Fixed it tonight, but I still have to wait a few days before we can get back online.

I'll try to post daily nevertheless.

We are in Iowa City, Iowa right now, visiting friends.  Heading to Minnesota tomorrow!

See ya!

Hugh

New FREE Guide to Persuading Your Partner Published!

Dear Friend,

You have made up your mind.  You are going to take the plunge.  Start your new life.  Live it your way.

Then reality socks you in the face.  What about your partner?  What will he or she think?  What if they nix the idea right off?  Or maybe they'll just laugh - call it another of your hair-brained ideas - and refuse to take you seriously?  What do you do now?

Clearly, getting your partner to accept, and even embrace, your new lifestyle direction is a threshold issue that will determine where you go from here.  In a worst case scenario, you may find yourself choosing between your dreams and your partner, and that's not a place any of us want to go.

But it doesn't have to be that extreme.  There is a way, a series of techniques, that can be invaluable when you are dealing with both your precious dreams and your precious sweetie.

I have put together a free guide, 18 Secrets To Persuading Your Partner to Join Your Creative Family Lifestyle Dream!  It's built on the real life tested techniques that I an others use to make this tricky moment go off like clockwork.

Like I said, it's FREE and it is exactly what you will need when this moment in your life arrives.

So get it here right now (http://www.hughdeburgh.com/PersuadeYourPartner.pdf).

I wish you the best of luck with your own creative family lifestyle!

All the best,

Hugh

Teach 'Um!

Dear Friend,

Today my wife and I took a little detour and met with some potential new business associates for a business that she runs.

This was not my idea of a fun afternoon's activity but sometimes you gotta do stuff, so I went along.

It could be a big deal if it goes through. I hope she gets it.

Right now we are in the upper midwest US, and the weather has been fantastic. Coll, breazy and sunny. The weather people forecast violent storms for tonight, but all I see is a big ole moon in a cloudless sky - how'd they screw that one up?

Anyway, I'm really glad that all of that money talk is over for now. They left my wife with lots of work to do, and I KNOW she's gonna want me to help. I never mind helping her of course, but for some strange reason I've always hated working just for money. You know, when I feel no passion behind my actions.

Probably a leftover from my days on the "dark side," when I really did just work for money. That was before I discovered the creative family lifestyle message. Nevermore will I go back there - no matter how much money they throw at me.

There is always a better way to make money, regardless of the economy. Right now people need to learn how to make money. So teach them!

So many sheeple out there have been pulling the corporate ropes and doing their duty for the boss for so long that they don't know anything else. Teach them!

People in the developing world are literally moving out of shacks and into highrises. But there is still a lot that they don't know about modern living. Teach them!

People need to better understand how to manage their money in tough economic times. Teach them!

I think that you get the point.

Teaching is a great way to make a buck during times of change. Just not in a classroom. Those teachers don't earn squat! Just ask 'em!

Talk to you soon!

Hugh

Help Spread the Good News!

Dear Friend,

I believe that people everywhere need to be woken up to the life that they could be living.

Do you have friends and loved one's who seem to be sleep-walking through life? Does the energy and the light seem to have faded from their eyes? Has their marriage lost it's luster?

Do these folks believe that the promise of their lives, that was so clear to them as a child, has turned out to be just another childhood fairy tale?

The bottom line is, I cannot help all of these folks alone. You know my mission by now. When you run into one of these folks, and the moment seems appropriate, try to open their eyes. Tell them about some of the things that other, ordinary families are doing with their lives right now.

At minimum, inspire them to investigate further.

We are at a great point of change in human history. For the first time, ordinary people can live their life primarily for the pleasure of living, instead of just to survive until tomorrow. This is a change of evolutionary significance. It is also a change that will have an untold positive impact on the overall attitude of humans as a species.

The faster that we get this word out, the faster humankind will live a happier existence on Planet Earth.

Perhaps some of us will even stop hurting each other. Who knows. We can hope.

So please, do your part. And spread the good news of living a happier, more fulfilled life through creative family lifestyle design.

Thanks,

Hugh

Are You Determined To Be Happy?

Dear Friend,

You already have everything that you need to live your dream life.

Except perhaps a solid understanding of who you are. And a bit of courage.

And a desire to be happy. No. A determination to be happy.

In fact, I think that it is determination that sets satisfied people apart from the rest. It is determination that overcomes old habits. And it is determination that stands up to the constant resistance we all face from the world - resistance to the change that we bring, simply by daring to be us.

You just have to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve to be happy. You also have to believe that no one else's happiness is more important than yours. Not your partner's happiness. Not even your kids.

You have to really, truly, love you.

And not a lot of people really like themselves, much less love themselves.

If you are not determined to be happy; if, somehow, you don't think that your own happiness rates highly enough to justify inconveniencing those around you, then you will never succeed at being happy.

So. Decide to be the authentic you. Take substantive action towards your new life. And adopt a solid determination that this is the way things will be from now on. No matter what.

I wish you the best.

Until later,

Hugh

Have I Lost My Mind?!?

Dear Friend,

Today, a thought flashed through my mind. For one moment, I wondered what the he** I was doing thinking that I could drag seven people into a little rolling box and expect to have a good time.

Well, it's true. If I was starting from scratch, and my life would be built around one dream (which in my case involves exploration and travel), I probably wouldn't have included all of these other people.

You know, maybe I'd bring my sweetie to hug on once in a while, while we careened off to nowhere, together discovering that we already have all that we need.

But, real life never works that way. We aren't born with wisdom, and by the time we get it, we're too old to enjoy it.

So the only alternative for me - for any of us, really - is to take the life that we've got, and just make it work. It's either that or just sit around and complain about the fact that our current life just won't let us live our dreams. It's just unfair! Boo hoo!

Sheeze. Nobody want's to hear you complain, especially you.

So shut up and make it work. And once you get going, drop me a line and tell what you're doing and how you did it. We can commiserate about all of the crap that we have to put up with in order to live our dreams.

Now that kind of complaining I'll listen to!

Have a great day!

Hugh

Random Thoughts on a Warm Summer's Day

Dear Friend,

I spent a moment today just observing the afternoon sky.

It was a very muggy day. No, more than muggy. Oppressive. But beautiful just the same.

My body was so wet that I could've used a squeegee as easily as a towel to dry myself off.

There was a gentle breeze, however. I could see wet gray clouds building into afternoon thunderstorms. I told my youngest child that they were just baby storms now, but very soon they would be all grown up and very grumpy.

I petted a dog that once was a favorite of my father-in-law. I told him that I knew that he missed his old owner, who passed away recently, but that my old friend was still here if he just listened carefully enough.

My youngest insisted that she saw grandpa at night - or at least she heard him walking around. Perhaps he hasn't discovered that he's dead yet?

I helped my mother-in-law fix a fence gate on her farm. She told me that even little things frighten her these days. Like how was she going to get that gate fixed alone?

This time she didn't have to.

As long as there are people who care about you, things have a way of working out. At least I believe that. I hope I still believe that if I find myself in my mother-in-law's shoes. A widow, living alone on a rural farm.

Lots of things to talk about in future posts. We are officially on the road!

As is obvious by now we stopped by my mother-in-law's house. She had kept my youngest for a couple of weeks. When we got here, my daughter looked like a real farm girl - she'd gone native!

Anyway, I think she had fun. But she was glad to see us too.

I got a hair trim yesterday. Well, more than a trim. I had let it grow pretty long since my photo on this site was taken. Now I look like the photo again. I expect to be doing some videos soon. Perhaps some You Tube stuff. I just wanted to make sure folks recognized me.

My oldest son reassured me that I could grow it out again if I wanted. But this time I could gentle my users into the new look so they wouldn't be shocked by the change. Pretty good for a ten year old.

My mom was happy about the cut. She didn't like the shaggy look. But when we arrived at my mother-in-law's to pick up my daughter, I think that my daughter was a bit taken aback by dad's new look. I had changed so much in two weeks!

I think maybe I should've waited to get it cut after we picked her up.

I remember when I was a kid, and my dad returned from a fishing trip to Australia with his business friends. He had grown a short beard.

Now my dad had never changed his look. And he had never worn a beard. Never. I was too old to be affected by anything as silly as a little extra stubble. But when I saw him walk off the plane, I got the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach - like someone had taken my "daddy." Someone stole my dad and sent this impostor in his place! That was the feeling. Totally irrational and it took me completely of guard.

Of course, I knew better. But I never forgot that feeling. And I spoke to my youngest about how she must feel. She avoided me at first. Trying to get used to the change, I guess.

I talked to her about the kitten that she had been carrying around for the last two weeks. Bo is his name. I expect Bo is going to be quite the lap cat after surviving the terror of being under the focused attention my five year old for two weeks. Either that or Bo will never come out from under the bed. I think the former, though. Bo seems to have taken a shine to her.

As have I.

Unfortunately, my youngest son and her do not get along that well. Or I should say that my son does not seem to be able to deal with competition from a fast talking, very self assured young woman who is competing for his parents' attention.

Since my youngest has been with her grandmother, our household has been rather peaceful. Even with all of the last minute preparation for our expedition.

My younger son usually fights, not only with my youngest, but also with my older daughter. But in the last few weeks he and my older daughter have been the best of pals.

I don't know how things will work out on our trip. I guess we will see.

We have an adult friend along to help deal with the kiddos when we need to get something done around here. She can stay with us for a month, and then will fly back, so we'll see how we do with and without her help.

Seven people living together in a 35 foot by 8 foot space (actually much smaller when you account for all of the furniture, appliances, and cabinets)!

But we are mobile! Everywhere we go, we are already home!

I hope that your week is going great so far. So far, so good for me and mine!

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

I Believe Verizon Hates Canadians

Dear Friend,

As we ready to hit the road to Canada, I visited a local Verizon Wireless store today to make sure that my cell phones and 3G wireless "air" card will work there. Here's what I discovered.

As for the 3G air card. There is a roaming charge when you cross the border. It's only $2 per megabyte of usage. So if we hit the 5 gigabytes of usage that we often do next month, we are talking an extra charge of more than $10,000 for one month's modest Internet usage in Canada.

Hmmm. That sounds fair. What do you think?

What are these people smoking? Or perhaps they are hoping that at least some of their customers will simply trust them to deal with them in a consistently fair and reasonable way. You know, the way I would expect my customers to trust me. And I would be proud to honor that trust.

Apparently, companies life Verizon Wireless are simply more interested in fleecing folks. I guess that they really don't need loyal customers anymore. Must be nice.

Anyway, take note of this. I'm sure that other wireless carriers do the same thing.

If anyone can recommend a good wireless internet solution for a couple of months travel in Canada, I'd be mighty obliged.

Thanks a mil...or is it ten grand?

Hugh ;-))

I Finally Finished That $%^&*#@ Book!!!

Dear Friend,

Tonight I finished the manuscript for my new book, Families Without Limits!

Of course, I could have edited it about twenty more times, but you got to let it go at some point I suppose.

The Warrior is purring in the driveway as my wife organizes all the stuff that we are going to squeeze into that poor vehicle.

You know, we put a full-sized washer into that baby. A fancy Samsung, with auto balancing and "Silver Care" (whatever that is). And a dryer, too. But the dryer heating element only works when we are plugged into shore power, as our generator puts out 110 volts only.

My wife is a wiz at organization and packing, so I know things will be done right.

Long ago, after some uncomfortable confrontations, we agreed that she would take full charge of all packing duties. Which has worked out great for me as it allowed me to finished that manuscript up before we shoved off.

I'll post more about availability of the finished book as soon as I know it.

In the mean time, I hope that you have an absolutely terrific week! Mine will be spent on the road!

All the best,

Hugh

Book Cover Design Released!

Dear Friend,

Here it is! Got the new book cover finished up today. What do you think?

Still wrapped up in last minute prep for our journey and editing for the new book.

Also working on finishing up a re-write of another book I wrote, The Power of Focus on Demand.

Both of these books, plus more, should be on sale in a week or so (I hope!).

I promise that I won't gip you so much on blog content within a week or so when things slow down.

All the best to you and yours,

Hugh

New Book Soon To Be Released!

Dear Friend,

Been putting the final touches on the new book I am about to release. It's titled, "Families Without Limits - Living Your Own Creative Family Lifestyle."

I'm excited about this release! This book is an excellent introduction to the philosophy that I encourage every family to adopt, and I hope that I can count on you to check out a copy! ;-)

Also been getting lots of last minute details taken care of before the army shoves off early next week for our cross-continental journey in the Road Warrior. Been busier than a one-armed paperhanger!

No post yesterday - sorry. And today's post is quite abbreviated. However, hope to pick up the pace when we get back on the road.

Thank you for the support that I have received. It has been fantastic!

Talk to you soon!

All the best,

Hugh

Men - Keeping Your Partner Happy

Dear Friend,

This post is aimed at my masculine readers. If you are of the feminine race, please read this as well, and set me straight if you disagree. You certainly know this subject better than I!

Let me start out by stating that this post is a hopeless generalization. When I refer to relationships it must be also understood that there are as many unique relationship dynamics as there are relationships. That's a lot of variety!

Nevertheless, there are some generally accurate things that I have experienced in my relationships that I thought needed to be passed on to other men to improve their chances for keeping their honey happy.

So here goes...

First, I am passionate about the fact that women are equal to men in every way. Masculine and feminine are unique from each other, but everyone deserves to be treated with equal respect.

I have always felt so strongly about this that I made a point of treating my lady friends in a way I saw as "equal," or better yet, deferential. For example, if the subject of what to have for dinner came up, I would respectfully ask, "Well, what would you like this evening, dear?" If the question of where to go on vacation came up, I would first defer to the lady's taste.

I understood this behavior as the verbal equivalent of opening the door for a lady and letting her pass first - a sign of respect.

However, I eventually figured out that my verbal deference was not seen as a sign of respect by most women, but rather as a sign of weakness!

What I have learned over time is that, the more that I treated many women in this deferential way, the less interested in me they became. Many, especially the stronger women, seemed to like the "bad boys". This completely confused me.

Why did these women act that way? Well, we'll never know exactly why in any specific case. However, psychologists have determined that many women can be instinctively attracted to men who are decisive, take charge, and whose life does not revolve around them.

In the past, women were attracted to men who were likely to be leaders, because leaders had a better chance for survival in the prehistoric world. Leaders would make sure that a woman's offspring got fed and weren't eaten by wild beasts.

In those days, there was likely little difference between a leader and a thug. Thugs had the physical strength and ability to intimidate that was required for a leader. This is the instinctive basis for a woman's attraction to "bad boys," even if those guys aren't very likely to be the leader of anything these days. And even if those bad boys don't really treat her very well. A woman's instinct leaned more towards ensuring basic survival than it did towards preserving her happiness.

Today, women can overcome this outmoded instinctive drive with good sense. However, that does not mean that they always do it. Even smart women fall into this trap.

Of course, men are not taught all of this ancient history when they begin to court the feminine race. And dominating male behavior was exactly contradictary to what these same women apparently thought that they wanted in a man. So when a woman who said that she wanted a sweet man who treats her right dumps you for the "bad boy," a guy starts to think that the woman was being less than truthful with him.

So, how is an honest and respectful guy to deal with this? Should he act the "bad guy" role so that he can compete?

No one should be disingenuous in their relationships. You must be your true self.

But I suggest that when a woman asks a man "Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?", a man should NOT say, "Oh, wherever you want, dear." A woman might want to hear "Let's go to the Thai place."

I'm not saying that women want to be dominated. They want to be respected. They want their opinion to weigh equally in a relationship. And if a woman who is worth her salt even suspects that you don't fully respect her, your relationship just ended, bud.

However, when it comes to acting decisively, more often than not, women want their man to just make a decision and put an end to the discussion. A woman often unconsciously wants to enjoy the uniquely feminine role of fickleness, and she can't indulge in this if her man insists on being "respectful" and refusing to make a decision for both of you.

Let her indulge. Make the decisions. If she protests, you will quickly know whether the protest is sincere or not. Understand that this is a game. She will let you know in subtle (or not so subtle) ways when you should defer to her opinion. Otherwise, let her be a woman. She'll love you all the more for it.

This is what has worked out for me. And I learned all of this the hard way. I thought it only fair that these secrets to a woman's mind be passed on to my masculine brothers in the hope that their relationships might be improved and their lady friends might be just a bit more satisfied.

I hope that this helps in your relationship as well.

All the best,

Hugh

Life Before and After Kids

Dear Friend,

Do you ever find yourself thinking about your life in terms of what your life was like before you had kids and what it is like now?

How has your life changed after bringing those little bundles into the world?

Be honest. I think that some people are almost afraid to admit to themselves that having kids can have a down side. Yet the degree to which your lifestyle has changed for the worse since your kids came along is the measure of the "sacrifice" that you are making to ensure that your kids have the best possible upbringing.

Right?

WRONG!

If you learn nothing else from me, please take this point to heart, and repeat it over and over to yourself each day:

The way to be the best possible parent that you can be is to be the best possible person that you can be, and to live the best possible life that you can live, everyday.

If you measure the quality of your parenting by how much you sacrifice for your children, then I propose that you are not being the best parent that you can be. And, you are not living the happiest life that you can live for yourself.

Raising great kids does not require that parents cease being people. It simply requires that parents be aware that everything that they do is being carefully watched and memorized by their young ones.

So, when you are finally ready to stop being bored, tired and frustrated with your lot in life, just remember that you can't use the arrival of kids in your life as an excuse. There is no excuse to not living your life fully and completely.

So, are you ready to start living yet?

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

I Am Not On Vacation

Dear Friend,

There is a huge difference between being on vacation and adopting a creative family lifestyle, though, to people on the outside, that difference may not be readily apparent.

Being on vacation is inherently temporary. It is a break from your normal, proper routine. It is an attempt to recharge your batteries so that you can again hunker down and do what you "must" do.

Living a creative family lifestyle is nothing like this at all.

First, a creative family lifestyle is permanent. Or at least the attitude is. You might change the character of your daily activities, but the attitude and thus approach to daily living is permanent.

Second, your creative family lifestyle is your normal life. It's not just another temporary jolt to get you back into the ring. It is the "ring." You just may not be living your life in the way those around you might have expected you to when they knew you "before" you made the transition.

What living a creative family lifestyle does have in common with vacation is the relaxed approach folks take to life, which I suspect is a more natural living stance than the one most people take day-to-day. Smiles are also a typically common element. Time has less relevance to us (I haven't worn a watch for years and have difficulty remembering the day or date most of the time).

The types of daily activities that you engage in while living your creative family lifestyle may be similar to those most folks might reserve for vacation time, as they are often not directly connected to making money. Yet those of us who adopt a creative family lifestyle often do quite well financially. We have simply chosen to develop sources of income that do not require constant baby-sitting or personally solving other people's problem.

And we never sell hours out of our day. Sell your knowledge, for example, and you can resell it forever. Hours from your day are the stuff that life is made of, and are thus far too precious to sell to anyone.

Vacations can have a "ten countries in five days" sort of character that values quantity over quality. When you live a creative family lifestyle, your time is truly yours and it is infinite, so there is no reason to hurry anywhere.

Life is not a basket into which experiences are quickly thrown for later examination, like photographs. Life is here. Now. And we live and experience it for all that it is, now. Not all that it was or might someday be.

So remember, do not imagine a creative family lifestyle as one long vacation. It is not. It is something much more exciting and fulfilling.

Talk to you again soon,

Hugh

Adventurers In Spirit

Dear Friend,

I think that most people would not find me particularly adventurous. I don't climb mountains or bike across a continent. Often my "adventures" are more cerebral.

When I speak about adventure, I think that most people react to and perceive that word much as I typically do. They imagine physically dangerous or rigorous activities. They think adrenaline must be the primary component of adventure.

However, I'm not talking about that sort of adventure. Certainly, such activities could be quite adventurous. Unless your day job is mountain rescue or cross country transport. In which cases such activities might even become a bit routine.

Adventure in the context that I promote it is the activity of moving outside of your comfort zone for the specific purpose of pursuing your deeply held dreams. It does generally involve taking perceived risks, although those risks, like changing a job or selling everything to live on a boat in Tahiti, are often not of the life threatening type.

In fact, the biggest perceived risk for most adventurers of my ilk is a fear of ridicule or non-acceptance by our family and friends. A fear that we won't garner the permission of those around us today to strikeout and live a life that holds true meaning for us but that they may just never understand.

I make this pointed distinction in my definition of adventure because I don't want some folks who have no adrenaline addiction or desire for physical challenge to overlook my message.

There are dozens of media out there talking about the finer points of adventure sports. I am not one of those. My message is to your heart. My mission is to rekindle the "true you" that is living deep down inside of you, and to help you to refocus a life that the acceptance of adult responsibilities has turned astray. I am trying to reach all "adventurers in spirit."

I am also determined to burst false and outdated teachings that many of us accept without question. Such as the idea that adventure is for kids. And that adulthood is one long misery laden responsibility after another, followed by a "glorious" retirement that never actually arrives.

Such viewpoints affect people's attitudes toward their children, turning them into impediments to true happiness, rather than embracing them as the co-travelers on the road to discovery that they really are.

I hope that all of you adventurers in spirit will stick with me on this journey of discovery! I know that you will not be disappointed!

All the best,

Hugh

Now Get Off Your A**!

Dear Friend,

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of stillness in our lives.

Today I write about the importance of action!

Bottom line, when it comes to practical success, a predilection to action is far more important than skill, knowledge, or talent. The world is full of incredibly able people who achieve little of what is important to them. And the world is also full of people who are dumber than you, less talented than you, less skilled than you, and much richer than you.

Why is that?

In my experience, successful people shoot first and ask questions later. And the rest of the world generally gets out of their way. They know how to focus their energies and abilities at just the right moment and with just enough effort to overcome any obstacles that they may face.

There is a time for everything. There is a time for quiet stillness. And there is a time for focused action. Most people's lives are filled instead with unfocused busy work and confused laziness.

Wanna be a success in life? Get control of your mind. Learn how to be quiet and loud at the moments that best serve your purposes. And you will get what you want.

All the best,

Hugh

Can You Sit Still?

Dear Friend,

"Most of man's troubles grow out of the fact that he can't be still."

I saw this quote, or something close to it, on a church sign while driving home from the store today. Of course, it got me thinking.

I believe that one of the greatest achievements that a human being can accomplish in today's world is to be able to spend an extended period of time alone, and still, without substantial external stimulation, and yet remain sane, alert, and at peace.

Our world is one addicted to outside stimulation. Our kids start from an early age with TV commercials, noisy toys, and by annoying each other. The goal seems to be to avoid empty quiet. It's almost as if we as humans begin life with the fear that if we sit in silence too long, we'll die.

What are we afraid of?

What is it about stillness and peace that terrifies us so? What do we really fear will happen if we do not receive regular jolts of noisy, chaotic stimulation?

I suspect that we are addicts to the chemical release that comes from these jolts. Perhaps we are all, to some extent, "adrenaline junkies?" Perhaps we fear going through withdrawal, which we call "boredom," if we fail to receive our regular hits of chaos?

I recall telling my kids that boredom is the greatest gift that life can give you, for it forces you to stop hiding amongst all of the stimulating noise and to actually get to know yourself a bit better.

It is in boredom that we learn to satisfy ourselves without the need for outside stimulation. And it is this ability to satisfy our own needs that provides us with the ultimate freedom in our lives - to be at peace without the need for anyone else to do anything.

To know that you can have what you need and no one else can prevent that from happening is the ultimate power rush. It is the ultimate sense of self control. When nothing can prevent you from being at peace, no one can get to you. No one else can push your buttons. You can laugh at things that terrify others.

A great deal of good can come from action. There are times when standing still is the worst thing that you can do. But there are other times when sitting in stillness is the most powerful act that you can take.

Why don't you try it sometime and see for yourself?

All the best,

Hugh

Looking for Love?

Dear Friend,

As a parent, I sometimes think about what kind of advice I will give my kids when they begin dating, and looking for a special someone in their lives.

Of course, my children are still young. Nevertheless, you're talking to the guy who was checking out private school options in my community years before I got married. I wasn't in a hurry to have kids, mind you. I just like to be prepared.

One of the thoughts that I had recently along these lines was that people really have no business getting into a serious relationship with somebody until they already have secured a successful relationship with themselves.

I know that in my marriage things have not always gone smoothly. And my wife and I have responded proactively with marriage counseling on and off for over eight years.

The biggest thing that I learned from this counseling was that, although I generally went into it with the idea that something was wrong with her and that she needed to change, I always came out of these sessions realizing that the real problems lay inside of me. Unresolved issues. Fears that I had never faced. Or just the fact that I really did not understand myself as well as I thought that I did. Couples counseling always morphed into individual counseling. And we both grew up a lot as a result.

Ultimately I have come to believe that the greatest and most important relationship that you must cultivate during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. Only when you are comfortable with the whole of who you are can you have a truly powerful and lasting relationship with another.

So when my kids get ready to get serious about someone, I'm going to advise them that any baggage that they carry today will just come back to haunt them later in their new relationship.

Wanna meet a great guy or gal? Sure, clean yourself up. Get buff. Dress sharply. But if you really want to get in shape for the dating scene, learn to love you. Accept yourself fully. Deal with your baggage so that your new loved one won't have to. It's the greatest gift that you will ever give to them. And to you.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Pre-Trip Jitters

Dear Friend,

I got a nice note today from Stuart Wickes of the Family Adventure Project (http://familyadventureproject.blogspot.com).

Stuart was commenting on my last post about pre-trip anxiety. I guess that's why I have a headache tonight after being out all day tying up loose ends before we shove off!

I was reading Stuart's blog and I loved a list that he had made of the mindset necessary for a happy family journey. I agree with him completely on this, and (with your kind indulgence, Stuart) have repeated his list verbatim below:

1 Positive attitude(!)
2 Patience and flexibility.
3 Determination (but only if you really want to get there)
4 Imagination (to overcome whatever obstacles you encounter)
5 Good route choices (safe, quiet= enjoyable, past interesting things to stop at)
6 Clear goals everyday (that everyone’s on board with)
7 Keep everyone looking ahead (things to look forward to: today, in a few days, this week, next)
8 Well managed expectations (about hills, hard days, easy days, when to stop, where to stay)
9 Staying open to unexpected (even if it slows you down or takes you off route)
10 Accommodating everyone's needs (the hardest but probably most important)

Would you add anything else? What do you think?

Please give me (and Stuart) your thoughts!

All the best,

Hugh

Nothing

Dear Friend,

I find myself too tired to blog this evening.

I have spent hours researching washers and dryers for our new RV, and I have discovered that I really do not want to be a market expert on compact washers and dryers when I grow up. I just want a great washer and a dryer that will work with the limited power environment of an RV (electric or gas).

I have also spent hours trying to find a replacement power cord for my oldest daughters new netbook PC. As a result of this research I have discovered that her little netbook has a weird and rare power plug, and that her model number must have been such a short production run that no one seems to know that any were made!

Aahhhhh! Too much work for a guy like me! Especially when I don't really have satisfactory answers to my questions.

So I have decided to just chill out and skip my usual blogging.

Then again, I think that I just wrote my blog. Oh my.

I just can't help myself I guess.

And to you aspiring writers out there, take note. Writing, like life, is what happens while you are planning other things.

Don't think about your writing, just write! If I thought about my writing before I started typing, nothing would ever be written. And I know this from many years of getting nothing written.

So there!

Have a great day and all the best,

Hugh

"Educating" Teens

Dear Friend,

My wife and I were talking today about our oldest child, who is almost eleven years old.

He is a very bright, compassionate, and mature young man, and he has been a great help to us with chores and in dealing with the younger kids. But he is getting quite bored, maybe even burned out, at school.

And we've been wondering what to do about his education after the sixth grade. You see, his Montessori school only goes up to the sixth grade.

In the philosophy of Dr. Maria Montessori, who founded the Montessori educational program, a young person should have learned all of the basic knowledge they need to begin their life in the world by the end of sixth grade. I know that this sounds strange to public school-trained ears such as mine, but she felt, and I have become convinced that she is correct, that a great deal of what is taught in traditional schools after that time is just filler, designed to keep kids busy until they are mature enough to attend college or to get a full-time job.

Her idea of a proper middle school was more of a social experience, where kids might work together to build a business, for example. They would build social skills at a time when social interaction was becoming a big deal in their lives. They would learn how to work with their peers on tangible projects toward meaningful ends, instead of cramming theoretical information into their brains in order to pass the next test.

They would also learn the practical skills that they would need to live on their own. How to make money, for example. Or how to balance finances. Or how to wash and fold their clothes. You know, real stuff.

They were expected to have already learned how to learn. Any additional information that they required in their lives was available when they needed it. They would just need to look it up.

The problem that my wife and I face as parents is that we live in a world where education is built around the test. Schools cram information into kids, and encourage them to learn good test taking skills. Essentially, schools seem designed to produce good students, not successful individuals who will live and work in a predominantly non-academic world.

There are practically no formal schools at the middle school level and above that follow Dr.
Montessori's ideas, though many academics praise those ideas.

Our son can be homeschooled, of course. But that's not the problem. What he needs are more complex social experiences. Yes, even at his age.

We would never push our son into doing anything that he is not comfortable with. And he certainly knows how to speak up for himself. But at some point, I think that he needs to journey out with other young people and discover the world. All kids do. And, hopefully, they'll discover the better part of themselves in the process.

I know that some young people have the opportunity to do this sort of journeying through their church or other religious institutions, in the form of "mission trips."

"Mission trips" are often group trips to poor, third world environments where the kids, with adult supervision, can live together and work for a period of time to make a difference in the lives of less fortunate people who really need it. This sort of experience exposes young people to a world they would probably never otherwise see, and it teaches them that their personal efforts really can make a difference. It is also a bonding and maturing experience for all involved.

I would be glad to be a part of such an effort. But I want my kids to also have such experiences when neither mom or dad are around. That is when real maturation occurs, in my opinion.

So, that's what we talked about today. Once again, I am curious what you think.

If you have or had children of this age or older, what are/were your views on the best experiences that they can be exposed to? What really is education for a teen? Is sitting in a classroom listening to lectures the best way for teens to spend their day? Or is it just the easiest way to control them while we run around trying to make a buck or two every weekday?

I am really interested in what you think. I look forward to your comments. And thank you for your interest and contributions!

All the best,

Hugh

Computers and Kids

Dear Friend,

Help!

I have a bit of a conumdrum and I'm not finding much helpful material about it on the web or from folks I talk to, so I thought that I would bounce it off of you and see what you thought.

You see, my kids love computers. I mean, they really love computers. If we'd let them they'd do nothing else but sit on 'puters all day.

Just when I think that these computers are just a substitute for last generation's TV addiction, I listen in on what they are up to. And I am impressed.

My oldest is recruiting and organizing others into groups to achieve a task. My other kids are creating virtual worlds and taking care of virtual pets. The creative activities they engage in are really terrific. Mostly.

My kids are very physically active and would rather run around that be involved in sedentary activities, so I'm not worried about them becoming overweight "couch potatoes." So what, exactly, am I worried about?

I think that the problem is that my wife and I do not know how much is too much. And when we look for guidance there seems to be two camps - or one, really.

The camp of the academic purists, as I call them, basically think that computers are just aggrandized televisions, and that we'd all be better off without them. I notice, however, a distinct generational slant in these folks, with most being too old to have experienced computers in any but an adult professional environment.

The other camp is no camp at all. It is made up of those parents who simply put some random restriction on computer time and content usage, or simply put no restriction at all.

The first camp has reams of data to support their position. All of it written by old dudes from the pre-computer generation.

The second camp has no documentary support at all.

My instinct is to observe each of my children, see how they react to their interaction with technology, and then to meter their exposure based on that reaction. I also always want to see my kids involved in a variety of activities that involve physical activity, different types of challenges and stimuli, and basically incorporate variety in their daily life.

But then there are four of them and it can be tough to work all day and do all the other things that we adults need to do every day and at the same time be closely monitor how many minutes/hours each child has spent each day in each activity. And the computer monitoring software that I have tried just doesn't hold up well - it's too rigid or just hasn't worked well.

In fact, just thinking about manually keeping track of all that they do everyday makes me dizzy. Sometimes watching them run around in circles makes me dizzy too!

I'm sure I will hear from you the same kinds of things that I have read. But I am asking you for your thoughts in the hope that some of your responses will help me and my wife to do what is best by my children.

And maybe you'll be helping other readers out there with the same issue.

Thanks so much for your thoughts! I look forward to reading them!

All the best,

Hugh

How Strong is Your Rope?

Dear Friend,

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you know that my family is in the process of transforming our lifestyle from a more conventional and ordinary form to a creative lifestyle that conforms more closely to our dreams.

Although this process of transformation has been fun, it can also be stressful at times. And conflicts do arise.

In my opinion, the process of creative family lifestyle design doesn't really create conflict as much as it can uncover previously unacknowledged conflicts and force you to deal with them.

Many of us have issues with loved ones that go unresolved simply because it is easier to ignore them than to deal with them while we are following a busy lifestyle. Now I'm not suggesting that you should intentionally dig up all of these conflicts. However, if there are issues in your family that are likely to raise their ugly heads while you are also undergoing a lot of other stress in your life, the combined stress may be too much to bear. In such a case addressing these issues in advance may save a lot of unnecessary pain later.

In thinking about the stresses that my own relationships have undergone, it became obvious to me that such stress can be beneficial to relationships in the long run.

You know the old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, I've come to believe that without tough times, relationships never mature. If you've never really experienced true stress together with your partner, then I believe you can't know for sure how strong your relationship is.

How strong is a rope? There may be a rating from a manufacturer, but only by using that rope, and stressing it, can we know for sure what it can handle. And it's better to know such answers early on in relatively safe situations where you have some control over the circumstances than later when some truly serious issue arises.

What is true for an ordinary rope is also true in relationships. Unfortunately, relationships don't come pre-labeled as to their strength and fortitude. I propose that in any important relationship, the participants need to find themselves, at least once, seriously questioning whether they should end that relationship. This sounds harsh, but it is only at this point that you can know for sure what is going on deep inside of your heart.

If a relationship is never tested under fire, I believe that relationship could be more likely to ultimately fail. Strong steel is forged in a hot fire. Strong relationships are forged, and weak relationships fail, as a result of meaningful conflict.

No one goes looking for conflict or negative stress. Certainly not me. And I have found that beginning the process of pursuing my dreams has been relatively stress free, despite all of the changes that we have brought to our lives.

Today my family are living our lives, not just enduring them. We are no longer paying dues. Instead, we are enjoying the ride.

No, we are not being irresponsible. Instead, we are simply aware that life is a finite existence, and now is the best time to live it, not later.

When conflict does arise amongst us, it gives me a greater sense of peace while amidst this negative energy knowing that our strong relationships will come out of that conflict even stronger than before. I don't fear that all will fall apart. And the absence of that fear makes conflict resolution much easier.

So the next time you find yourself in a heated confrontation with a loved one, remember - you are in the process of forging your relationship into a bond greater than steel.

Respect your partner, and require equal respect for yourself. Resolve issues as best you can and then reassure him or her that your shared love is all that really matters anyway.

I wish you the best of luck in all that you do.

Best regards,

Hugh