Your Duty as a Parent

Dear Friend,

Great parenting doesn't require sacrifice, it requires you to have fun.

Most parents start off their parenting life in sacrificial mode. Parenting is a duty that you owe to your children. And duty requires sacrifice, right?

Let's face it. If you are used to hanging out with your friends every Friday night, and now you have a new, hungry bundle of joy, things are going to change. And that change feels a whole lot like sacrifice.

Fun time is over. That birthing was expensive! Even with insurance. Maybe there were complications that really ran the bill up. Then there's baby food, diapers, and all that paraphernalia and stuff that, apparently, baby's just gotta have. And, of course, you need a minivan to haul it all around.

If you are the primary income producer of the family (or if you're a single parent) then you know that you have to get to work to pay those bills. And a great deal of your discretionary time and money just vaporized. If you are the primary caregiver, your considerable and highly educated skills will now be focused on how to most efficiently change a very smelly diaper without getting any on ya.

This is all true. So what's the deal with the first sentence in this post? Is it just a bunch of nice sounding bullcrap?

What you are experiencing as a new parent is the need to adjust your time to deal with the new realities of parenting. And yes, babies do need special attention and equipment that can put a stop to what had been a perfectly comfortable lifestyle.

What the first sentence is talking about is being a great parent. And the false idea that you must sacrifice the pursuit of your own happiness in order to be that great parent. All these years you thought that you would grow up and pursue your dreams. Now you believe that your new role as a parent means that you must sacrifice those lifelong dreams to that role. That duty.

In fact, the opposite is true. To be a great parent you must begin, if you have not already, the serious pursuit of your true life's purpose.

We are raised in our culture to implicitly believe that work is not fun. And that if work is fun, then you are not really working. My mom used to say that medicine doesn't work unless it hurts. Of course we know now that her statemeent was a bunch of malarky. Well, the idea that work is necessarily not fun is totally out of date as well. In fact, if you are not having fun at work, you are probably not producing your best results. Remember that sentence.

The same cultural misconception is often applied to parenting. And we do this without thinking. Being a great parent is work, right? At least that's what our parents said (or strongly implied). And they were right of course. And being human, and therefore prone to laziness, we prefer to avoid work. We think that happiness requires a lack of work. Well, that may well be true if you are working for someone else. And throughout history, the vast majority of people did just that.

This time you won't be working for someone else. Not your boss. Or your partner. Or your kids. At least not directly. No, this time you are going to work for you. And the "project" that you will be working on is the Project of You.

This is not self indulgence, or a justification for lazy parenting. This is a necessary and often lacking component to being the best parent that you can possibly be. You see, if you are not having fun while parenting, you are probably not producing your best results as a parent.

Chances are, hanging out with your friends on Friday night had little to do with the pursuit of your life's true purpose. It's just what you did to casually fill up your ample free time. It's the kind of thing that you'd been doing since you were a kid. And now that time is filled with other things.

Having children creates new responsibilities that never existed before. What it also does is force you to get serious about living your life. Being a parent is not the time to stop focusing on your personal happiness. It's the exact opposite. It's the time to start focusing on you.

Most people drift through life until this moment. I mean, there may have been times, like a Bar or CPA exam, or some athletic challenge, or boot camp, when circumstances forced you to stop goofing off and really dig down deep inside to find the root of your personal drive and energy. But once that challenge was over, you slid back into your comfortable clothes and chilled. Old habits took over.

Am I saying that having kids is like boot camp? It can feel that way at times, but no. It's not even close. Unless you have a particularly difficult child or one with very special needs, its gets much easier over time. And your confidence in your parenting abilities improves as well. You learn to parent and chill at the same time.

What I am saying is that being a parent forces you to start living your true life's purpose. It forces you to grow up. And to get serious about being happy. And that's a good thing, because being a perpetual teenager at age 35 gets old, especially for your partner. True happiness comes from knowing yourself, and then living out your life's true purpose. Achieving these goals will require that you hunker down and focus a bit. But not on your new kid.

You'll have to do this eventually. Guys, do you want to find yourself at mid-life with a new Porsche, a new trophy second (or third) wife, and a big empty pit where your heart ought to be? (Well, maybe the first two ;-)) Ladies, do you want to find yourself at mid-life alone, unkempt, and unloved (mostly by you)?

These situations happen all too often. Why? Well, one reason is that these people bought into the lie that they had to sacrifice as parents in order to do their duty to their children. What they have really done is sold themselves into slavery to their kids, who often grow up spoiled, overly dependent on mom and dad, and unhappy. And mom and dad are burned out and worn out. And unhappy too. Generally speaking, today's parents aren't lazy. They're misdirected.

The sooner that you get started on the most important project of your life, the Project of You, the sooner you are going to love your life. And love yourself. And be the best possible parent that you can be. If you thought childhood was fun, you ain't seen nothin' yet. If you fear that your best years are behind you, you are quite mistaken. Being a fulfilled adult is much more fun than being a pampered kid without true direction in life.

To be a great parent requires that you focus on, and not sacrifice, your life's true purpose. It also means that you don't have to pretend that your life's purpose just changed to being a full-time servant to your kids instead of whatever else you thought it was before.

Being a great parent means modeling behavior that your kids can emulate - either now, or when they are older. Children are a lot like chimps. They copy what they see. And hear. It's a big part of how they learn. If you beat your spouse, there's a very good chance that your kids will grow up and do the same. If you live the life of your dreams, your kids will grow up and do that as well.

Be a model and a mentor to your kids, not a boss and an instructor. Your kids are not an engineering project. You can't plan, and then build them. They are living things. They know how to grow. What they need, as all living things do, is a safe, healthy environment, and a great example. Be your child's example of how to live a great life. And be a mirror for them to know how well they are living theirs.

So, if you define great parenting as raising healthy children who grow up as happy, well adjusted adults, then you need to act like a happy, well adjusted adult. And the easiest way to do that is to be one.

The day you first become a parent is, for many people, your first day of living a better, more fun-filled life. So forget the sacrifice myth. You've got a fantastic life to live. And children to share it with.

Give living the life of your dreams a try. I think that you'll like it. And it's your duty as a parent to live it to the fullest!

Talk to you again soon.

Hugh

The Family Cruising Lifestyle

Dear Friend,

Ever wanted to sail away and leave the world behind? Think that you have to wait until the kids are grown and you've built up a stockpile of money? Think again.

Families who raise children aboard swear that there is no better way to do it. Many of these families educate their kids on-the-go. These "boat schooled" children learn to be responsible, curious, independent, and are not addicted to television. They also have extra advantages that come from the rich experiences that living aboard can bring.

Home schooled kids in general score higher than average on college entrance examinations, and these days college entrance officials actually tend to favor these children in admissions because they are considered self-motivated, confident, and more likely to succeed than children from traditional backgrounds.

Cruising families (and mobile families generally) can utilize a wide selection of home schooling materials. Some prefer the traditional Calvert School program (former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is a graduate). See Calvert School at http://www.calvertschool.org. Others use less traditional approaches. All seem to work out equally well. The main thing seems to be what works best for you and your children in your unique circumstances.

Then there are "liveaboard" families who don't homeschool. In fact, some of these families rarely leave the marina. Folks like the Jost family of Boston, featured in an article in the May, 2009, issue of Motorboating magazine. Both Jost kids, who are teens, attend a public school near the marina. Their boat, a 49-foot Gulfstar motoryacht, is their floating home year-round. To the Josts, moving on board meant breaking out of a "land-locked rut, clear[ing] out the clutter and liv[ing] life in a completely new way."

The Josts felt that selling their house and 80% of their belongings was therapeutic. They simplified their life and learned to live with less "stuff." Ms. Jost says that, "instead of collecting material things, we now collect experiences."

Living aboard seems to bring families closer together. One family of four cruised to Iceland and wintered there. They enrolled their children in an Icelandic school, mainly to expose them to a new language and culture. They spent the next winter in Norway. These folks didn't mind the cold, and you might prefer a summer visit to such high latitudes, but nothing will replace cruising in silence among icebergs in your floating home, with your family by your side.

These are just a few examples of the kind of lives that other folks are living when they dare to think outside of the family lifestyle "box."

What kind of life could you be living right now?

All the best,

Hugh

Amy's American Adventure

Dear Friend,

Amy was an adventurous blond, blue-eyed tomboy living an ordinary suburban life when her parents announced that the family would be purchasing an RV motorhome and traveling the United States for one year on a journey of discovery.

She was a bit sad to leave her friends behind, and she wasn't sure what she would do to keep herself busy for an entire year.

Then her parents got the idea that it might be a cool to get the signature of every State Governor in the United States when they visited that Governor's state. Amy wasn't sure how they might go about doing that but the idea struck home. From that moment on, Amy was polarized by the challenge of meeting every State Governor and obtaining their signature.

Her parents also got caught up in the idea and wrote letters to each Governor's office to arrange the meetings before they began their journey. Some Governor's offices responded coolly or with little interest. Others seized the moment and got excited by the prospect.

When Amy and her family were done, she had, one way or another, succeeded in obtaining the signature of every U.S. State Governor and the signature of Bob Dole, who was then running for President of the United States. She had also drawn the attention on her journey of the national press, including CNN, C-SPAN, and MTV, who were fascinated and excited by what she and her family were doing.

When she returned, Amy turned a daily journal that she had kept into a book that was published through Ironwood Press, titled, My American Adventure. The book's forward was written by Governor John Engler of her home state of Michigan.

Amy missed out on a lot during the year that she was gone. There were activities that she missed, classes at the local public school that she didn't attend, a whole lot of TV time, and much more.

Instead of those activities that Amy missed, she participated in something that at first seemed impossible, but that instead changed her life forever.

After personally interviewing government officials from across the U.S. for a year, do you think that Amy will be shy as an adult to make her views known to her local representatives? After setting forth on what must have seemed to her a surreal and impossible task, experiencing that task morph into a personal mission, and then succeeding in that mission, do you think that Amy will shy away from difficult tasks in the future, or seize them with the open arms that are required to overcome life's most difficult tasks?

I was struck by Amy's story, as I'm sure you are too. I want my children to have the opportunity to discover the world and what they are truly capable of before they set out on their own as adults. I also knew that my children would never get such an opportunity if my family continued on the conventional life path that my wife and I had them on up until that point.

But how did I make the change? How does one go about transitioning an entire family's lifestyle, source of income and money management style, educational arrangements, living quarters and conditions, daily routine, attitudes about how much stuff that we needed to live comfortably, and all the rest? It sounds impossible, I know. And it takes balls to take it on. But we did take it on. And so can you.

I slowly convinced my spouce of the benefits of these changes through simple examples like I am presenting to you now. She went from a firm traditionalist to a very open minded adventurer. You'd be surprised how people's views can change when faced with facts that cannot be denied.

You also may not need to make so many changes to your lifestyle. It all depends on what it is you'd really like to do with your family before they are grown and gone.

The hardest part of all of this is waking up from the haze of everyday living. It seems hard to seriously reconsider the life that you are leading, and the life model that you are holding forth in front of your children. Yet you must reconsider, because this is the life model that your children will likely follow you in or, possibly, rebel against.

If you absolutely love your life just as it is, and you are convinced that your family's lifestyle sets an excellent example for your children, then you don't need to follow this blog. But I am thrilled that you do! In fact, I'd love you to leave me a reply note at the end of this post because you have something to teach others that they need to know.

If you are not the person that I just described then you need to take this post as your personal wake up call. I am talking directly to you. Right now. Think about the life you are leading. The clock is ticking on your children's future. And on yours. What are you going to do about it?

If you do anything, do it today. Do something now. Even if it is just to make up your mind to do something. Put your life on it's natural path, the one less followed. You might have to give it a sudden jerk to pop your life out of the momentum of the old rutted path that everyone else seems to be following, but you can do it! I can't wait to hear about your coming adventures!

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Let's Rescue A Generation

Dear Friend,

My mom had a dream when she was young. She wanted to be a surgical nurse.

Mom grew up as a middling child in a large family. Her family lived in the boonies, and had little money. Her dad was a boat captain, and was away all week. All of the children worked hard to take care of what little they had.

Mom's oldest brother was the star of the family. Highly intelligent, he left home after high school and put himself through Duke University, eventually becoming a respected physician. Mom admired her big brother. In those days, women didn't dare dream of being an actual doctor. However, mom dreamed of the next best thing, which to her meant being a surgical nurse.

She imagined being in the operating room, messy as it was, helping to save lives and to really make a difference. When she was old enough, she would visit her brother and helped him in his practice. She did a great job, apparently, because her brother, who was a tough judge of character, often invited her back.

As mom grew older, of course she started dating. For many young girls in her town, marriage was the ultimate goal. Mom's home wasn't really a very happy place, and, like most of her siblings, she couldn't wait to get away. However, her dream wasn't marriage - it was college.

She often imagined marrying a handsome doctor, and helping him in his practice. Together they would save lives.

But, as is often the case, things don't always go as planned. My mom dated, and she met my dad. He was persistent, and they fell in love. Before she knew it, my oldest sister came, and she found herself married, alone, in an apartment distant from her familiar surroundings. My dad worked four jobs just to keep them above water. Her dreams of surgery simply faded away in the face of a powerful reality. And she had a nervous breakdown.

From what I hear from others, my mom's story isn't really all that different from the story of many others from her generation. She was raising children in the post World War II baby boom. Her world was moving fast. My dad, a traditional guy, didn't approve of my mom going off to college. I mean, who would raise their children? Where would the money come from? It just wasn't a woman's place, and besides, childish dreams had little place in the real world.

Eventually, my mom accepted her fate, as it was. She never seriously pursued her dream, though she spoke of it often to us children. I suspect that she resented my dad, and perhaps she secretly resented us kids as well, for preventing her from pursuing her dream. Though she never admitted to it.

My mom's story is one I never want to hear again. I don't mean from her. I mean from me. Or from you. Particularly in this age of possibilities, I believe that no one has an excuse to give up on their dreams. Particularly not if the excuse is that they now have a family to support and raise.

Certainly, changes in our life's situation require that we adjust our approach to a dream. A now paraplegic has to adjust his or her dream of becoming an athlete. Yet I'll bet there is some way to achieve the core of whatever drove that dream.

The handicapped person can face real challenges. And they overcome them everyday. If your challenge is that you have a job, and a family, and bills, and a cranky boss, and a dull life, well, whose fault is that? And what are you going to do about it?

What about your true dreams? Those things that defined you before your life got dull? Do you plan that they be victims of your current life's circumstances as well?

Join us at Families Without Limits. Post, as a response to this post, your story. We all need to be inspired by your story. Or the story of one of your loved ones as I just told. It may be an ordinary story. I don't care. Most stories are ordinary. If they are stories of the tragic failure to live a life to its fullest, we need to hear about it. If it's the story of how someone refused to sacrifice their life on the funeral pyre of conventional life expectations, we definitely want to hear about it.

Together, we can save an entire generation from the nervous breakdown that accompanies the loss of our life's true purpose. We can prevent a tragedy of generational proportions.

Will you join me? It all starts with your post. Please, tell us about it...

All the best,

Hugh

Portable Education

Dear Friend,

When people with families begin to dream about living a creative family lifestyle, one crafted around the dreams and goals of family members instead of by their circumstances, there always seem to be the same perceived barriers that stand in the way. At least when those dreams require the family to become more mobile and flexible in the way they live day-to-day.

Two of the greatest perceived barriers to breaking with a conventional fixed family lifestyle are careers and schooling for the children. Most jobs are tied to a physical office, and traditional schools are physical places. If you need to be mobile, this is a problem.

There is a great deal of information on the Internet about portable careers and work that only requires a laptop and an Internet connection. I'm not sure how much I can add to that here. There is also plenty of information available regarding alternative educational opportunities. However, there seems to be little information about how families can achieve a quality education for their children without being tied to any one physical place, and without the parents having to trade their previous career in an office for a new career as their kid's new school teacher.

I will be presenting to you as many educational options for mobile families as I can discover, along with references to where you can obtain more information. If you are part of a family that has mastered the "portable school" or its equivalent, I'd would really love to hear from you.

We are all here to help each other to remove barriers to our dreams. At least that's why I'm here. I hope that you feel the same way.

More on this subject in future posts.

All the best,

Hugh

Online Character

Dear Friend,

Generally speaking, I'm a pretty shy guy. I prefer not to spout out my opinions to the world, at least in person. It is true, I think, that the Internet as a medium can help anyone to feel more at ease communicating their honest thoughts. It has certainly helped me, and I am the better for it.

The Internet can also be used to cause harm in relative anonymity. Perhaps our true character comes to the fore when we are free to act behind the secrecy of the avatar, without obvious immediate consequences to our actions. I keep that in mind whenever I interface with anyone online. I try to remember that's a real person on the other end of that avatar.

I know that anytime I interact online it's a real opportunity to discover something and someone new. That's exciting! But those interactions are also opportunities to prove what an ass I am. I hope I don't disappoint myself or you.

All the best, and in the States, have a terrific Memorial Day!

Hugh

Your Creative Family Lifestyle

Dear Friend,

What is a "creative family lifestyle," and why would anyone want to live one?

To me, living a creative family lifestyle really means living a life intentionally crafted by me. A life crafted around the pursuit of my most closely held dreams and desires. A life spent in pursuit of my true life's purpoise.

And when I am a part of a family, as I am, it means working and living together, discovering, nurturing and sharing our unique dreams with each other, and doing our darndest to help each other live out those dreams while staying together as a suportive and loving family unit.

Certainly, some family members will utimately have dreams and desires that necessarily take them physically away from the family unit, and that's fine. In fact, to prevent such a separation from occurring in the name of preserving family cohesion is, in effect, emotional kidnapping.

Nevertheless, a reasonably functional family will want to do things on occasion as a unit, and to enjoy each other's company. This form of family function is (or at least should be in my opinion) a life-long pursuit. Long after you are grown and have left the nest, you should ideally feel the desire to share that old filial closeness, both with your birth family and with your new, nuclear family, plus extended family and friends.

Unfortunately, many birth families break up almost entirely once the children leave the nest. Today's workplace often takes people to far corners of the globe. Yet with modern communications and (sometimes) reasonably-priced travel, a family that wants to be together, can be together.

Regardless of the value that solid family ties can bring to your life, if your birth family tends to be less functional, or even emotionally destructive, then you probably should stay away from them. This is a hard decision to make. And it is generally riddled with guilty feelings. Those guilty feelings are often encouraged by certain family members who think that they can manipulate you back "into the fold." But you are not a sheep, you are a vibrant human being. And you have a right to be happy. You don't have an obligation to put up with their s**t.

If you do not feel the desire to associate with your family relations, ask yourself, "Why?" Are they truly destructive in your presence? Do they actively try to undermine your happiness? Are they co-dependent and looking for you to carry them emotionally? If so, then your decision to distance yourself from them is likely a sound one.

On the other hand, are you harboring old grudges or anger? Most of us do, to a degree. We will never forgive our parents for not living up to the perfect images that we unrealistically held of them in our infancy. Do you still carry anger for an old wrong? Carrying this old anger or other negative emotion around with you means that you are the cause of the discomfort that you feel when the subject of your family comes up. Your instinctive reaction to that memory is interfering with your happiness. And it is probably interfering with your ability to be the top-notch parent that you want to be for your children. You may actually be passing some of that old, negative energy, on to your children.

If you determine, after honest contemplation, and possibly with the help of a good counselor, that some part of your family relations is destructive to your happiness, then you can take action to separate from them, without guilt. If you find that a major part of your discomfort with family derives from old emotional baggage, then you need to learn to move beyond those old emotions. Try meditation. Counseling can also be a great way to face and then permanently dismiss these ghosts of the past.

The point of this discussion is that you cannot pursue a creative family lifestyle if you don't really enjoy being with your family. Get to the root of what interferes with you developing a full connection with your spouse and kids. Intentionally crafting your personal life, while respecting and allowing other family members to do the same, and while maintaining a close filial connection, is the definition of a fully functioning composite family life.

A composite family life means a life blended in such a way that the combination is stronger than the sum of its parts. It's synergy. It is not a compromise lifestyle. If you feel that being with your family requires you to compromise on the honest pursuit of your personal dreams, then you will resent your family for "forcing" you to accept that compromise. And sitting in quiet resentment among your family is no way to live. Such an emotional state cannot help but bleed over into your actions and attitudes as a parent, for example. And resentment tends to grow over time if not addressed.

You cannot live in bliss if you hold onto negative emotions. To live within a family without limits, you must first discover the true value of your family as a spice that can enrich your life experience instead of spoiling your happiness.

If the quality of your family life experience is not great then now is the time to get to the bottom of your issues. Heading off to Tahiti will not bring you instant happiness. It will not solve old family problems or attitudes. A line from a movie once said, "This is an island, Bud. If you didn't bring it here, you won't find it here." The character was referring to the search for bliss and happiness in exotic locales.

So, the first step to living a family life without limits, to creating the family lifestyle of your dreams, is to clean up old business. You may have to bulldoze the old place before you start building the new one.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

The Ins and Outs of Big Family RVs

Dear Friend,

Choosing an RV for extended large family travel involves more than just interior decor and layout.

For example, there are many different classes of RVs that you can choose from. These range from small pop-up pull behinds to large "Class A" buses that extend over forty feet long.

The classes of RVs can be roughly broken down as follows:

TOWABLE RVs

1. Pop-ups - These are small pull behind campers with a hard bottom and a top that is cranked up to full height once you have reached your destination. The sides are made of tent material. Living conditions are fine for overnight excursions in good weather. For my family of wussies (and I am King Wussie) it is a no go. Way too small and Spartan.

2. Travel trailers - This is what most people think of when they imagine a trailer. It hooks to a car or truck hitch and pulls behind your vehicle. These are either all hard sided or they may be hybrids (regular hard-sided trailers with tent pop-outs to add extra interior space when needed). We have been using a hybrid for several years and it has served us quite well. However, for our extended excursions we want something much larger and more sophisticated. Travel trailers are generally built very light so that they can be pulled by larger cars or light pickups. The light weight means that a great deal of the interior is essentially plastic and cardboard - not exactly the most durable of materials for my army to live in.

3. "Fifth wheel" trailers - These are also pull behind models. However, they are generally much too heavy to be pulled by anything but a heavy duty diesel pickup truck. In any case, they must be pulled by a truck due to the way they are hitched to their towing vehicle.

Fifth wheel RVs tend to have the most up-to-date interiors. Some fifth wheels, called "toy haulers," These vehicles have a rear garage area designed for storage of motor bikes and four wheelers. This garage area can also be utilized as a large bedroom, with beds that electrically come down from the ceiling. making this space multi-purpose - ideal in a structure with limited room.

My family are wanderers. The journey is our destination. We plan to spend many hours on the road. Once we wore the rubber right off the tires on our hybrid camper, and had to sleep in a Wal-Mart parking lot over a weekend in Canada in order to get new ones. Therefore, driving comfort and safety take a very high priority position in our thinking.

TOW VEHICLES

Some light travel trailers can be towed by your everyday driving vehicle. However, all larger towables must be towed by heavy duty pickup trucks, as these are the only vehicles with the towing capacity to handle these large RVs. Generally, diesel truck models tow better than the gasoline engine models.

If you do not own a tow vehicle, I strongly suggest that you pick out your towable RV FIRST. Once you know what you will need to tow, you can spec the truck that will handle your RV. Do not trusty RV salesmen to tell you what vehicle will tow a certain RV. Unfortunately, many of them either lie or just don't know what thjey are talking about. Some of the better guides to picking out a tow vehicle can be found the Changin' Gears website at http://changingears.com/rv-sec-tow-vehicles-ratings.shtml. NOTE: Towing is serious business. If you aren't sure what you are doing then you need to get educated. Remember, that's your family in the back seat.

The passenger capacity of your pickup is the maximum number of people that you can take with you, as most States and Provinces do not allow passengers to ride in a trailer when on the road. For all factory spec pickups, the maximum passenger capacity is either five or six passengers.

You can buy a "bunkhouse" model fifth wheel that sleeps an army, but you are strictly limited by the pickup itself to transporting six people in total. That means no nanny and no friends on our trips. It also means that everyone is squeezed into that truck cab for up to eight hours a day. Gotta pee? Stopping these things is not always easy or convenient.

I did discover a truck customizer in Texas who will cut out the back wall behind the rear seat on a crew cab pickup and install a fiberglass third row seat that sits in the bed itself. It took me years to find that guy. And I don't live anywhere near him. And what will that kind of modification do to the resale value of my pickup? I don't know. An interesting option, nontheless.

MOTORIZED RVs

This leads us to the motorized RVs, generally referred to as "motorhomes." These are RVs that can be driven under their own power, and thus do not need to be towed. These also come in several classes.

4. The Class Bs are basically very nice, dressed up conversion vans, and generally include a bed and a portable bathroom with shower nozzle. These are tight living for a couple, but some get decent gas mileage. These are way too small for my crew. These vehicles often run in the $80K price range.

5. The Class Cs have pickup or van fronts attached to an RV box behind. The cab is open in back to the living area. Passengers CAN ride in the living area while the vehicle is driven, which is nice. If you have an on-board generator (which many do), the kids can watch TV, videos, play video games, pop popcorn, surf the Net or even fix a sandwich for their dad, all while dad is dutifully driving.

Class Cs also have the advantage of often having an extra bed in the area of the RV box that hangs over the roof of the truck/van front cab (called the "cabover"). That extra bed is handy for kids and yet is out of the way, not stealing space from the living area. Class Cs typically have one bedroom in the back, with a full-sized shower and restroom. A few have rear multipurpose rooms that serve as a den/playroom/office in the daytime, but have a pull out sleep sofa that converts the space into a bedroom at night.

Many class Cs are powered by a large gasoline engine, such as the Ford V-10. Others have more powerful diesel engines. Prices can range from $100K on up.

6. A small subclass of the Class Cs motorhomes are called the "Super Cs." These typically have a medium duty truck front, and a larger, higher quality finish interior, more akin to the Class A models described below. One advantage of the Super Cs is that they often have the cabover bed design, which Class As do not. Super Cs typically also have large diesel engines, giving them the deep power to cross mountain ranges on long journeys. These diesel engines are in the front of the vehicle, which can lead to more cab noise than with a rear-engine Class A bus. Also, Super Cs are built on a commercial medium-duty truck frame that is used extensively in the business truck market. This means that these trucks are generally reliable and tried-and-true designs. However, it also means that they are not designed for driving comfort. The addition of air-ride shocks, air-ride seats in the cab, and sound insulation under the hood can make a big difference in the driving experience of these vehicles. Super C motorhomes often run in the $150K to $300K and up price range.

7. The next type of RV is the Class A. These are the top of the heap in RVing. These run from the low end, big boxes with a V10 gas engine in front, to true buses with big diesel engines in the rear (rear engines are much quieter than front engines). Typical designs have only one bedroom, and maybe a pullout sofa in the living area. Without a cabover, sleeping space is more limited than with a Class C, but these models often have multiple slideouts (areas on the side of the vehicle that electrically extend when the vehicle is stopped, creating instant interior space. Slideouts can make a huge difference in living area, and are highly recommended for a large family. In fairness, slideouts are also often available on fifth wheels and Class Cs model RVs. Class As run in price from $100K plus for smaller, more basic class A gas engine models, to well over $1 million for superior quality bus models.

RV VALUE

As you can see, the best value for the dollar by far are the pull behind models. Motorhomes can cost from double to five times or more than the towables for the same living space. So why would anyone by a motorhome? For the experience. For the ability to not just tale your home with you, but to actually live in your home while you travel.

If you are a destination traveller, and the majorit of your time is spent parked in campgrounds, then towables make rhe most sense. The nicer fifth wheels can proivide you with a calibre of interior finish that approaches that in the finer Class As at a substantuially reduced price.

If you are gypsies like my family, and just can't hold still, then perhaps you need to consider a motorhome. Just save up your money, and make sure your life savings weren't invested with Bernie Madoff.

Don't worry, this isn't turning into the RV Blog. But when you learn as much as I have on this subject, and realize how little info is out there, for larger families in particular, I figured that somebody's got to get this message to the world.

If you have further questions on this subject, or want to add your two cents worth, just post a comment to this post.

I find that RVers are some of the kindest people I have ever met. Trying RVing won't just introduce you to your continent. It will also warm your heart.

All the best,

Hugh

My Army Invades the RV Market

Dear Friend,

If you read yesterday's blog post, then you know that my family is in the process of purchasing an RV to drive across North America for the first leg of our Families Without Limits adventure.

We have a larger than average family. This has made our choice of an ideal vehicle much more difficult than we ever imagined.

If you have ever thought of buying an RV then you need to know the information I am including below. It just might save you years of research. If RVs just ain't your thing, well, sorry! ;-))

First, a little background. The term "RV" is the abbreviation for "recreational vehicle." It's a broad term that covers everything from a tiny one person pull-behind trailer to a multimillion dollar Hollywood star's tour bus. And in between, there's a lot to choose from. Unfortunately, all of that lot is pretty much the same.

The RV industry, practically all of which is based in or near the small northern Indiana town of Napannee, seems to build for exactly three markets. Every single RV built is configured solely to meet the needs of these three groups.

The first market includes anyone with big bucks. And I mean big. If you have half-a-million dollars or more to drop on a mobile palace then you don't need my advice. Just call up one of the leading RV builders or bus conversion outfits and they'll be glad to empty your wallet. Customization is no problem for you. Or them.

The RV industry also builds models targeted at two other markets. These other RV models are standardized on canned designs and range in price from $10K to $250K plus.

The second market the RV industry builds for is "grandma and grandpa." You see, grandma and grandpa are retired and bored. So they take their nest egg and buy a big RV, buy a permanent parking space in an RV park in Arizona or Florida, park it there every winter, and sit out front next to the plastic flamingos, waving to the neighbors who are walking their poodles.

The third market the RV industry builds for is Bubba and his wife Doris (sorry if I offend anyone with these names). You see, Bubba works hard down at the plant, and on weekends he likes to do two things. First, during racin' season, Bubba takes his crew in the RV down to the NASCAR races. He sits with the family amid the incredible noise and exhaust while watching the race on his outside-mounted mega-screen TV (with earphones so he can hear over the race car engine noise behind him). When racing season is over, he gathers the gang once again and heads out into the desert with his four wheelers and motorbikes to get good and dirty.

I have absolutely no problem with any of these fine people or their hobbies. But I do have a problem with the apparent fact that everyone in Napannee, Indiana, seems to think that these two distinct constituencies make up 100% of the population of RV users worldwide.

Here's some insight into how the "Nappanee Mafia" have designed RVs for their second and third RV markets.

First, the granny models have a delightful "doilie" decor. One queen-sized bed, and a nice sitting area. The sofa folds out into a bed for those rare occasions when the grandkid stops by for a visit and needs to take a nap. If your family needs more sleeping space, you're out of luck. Also, there are few seat belts, and none are configured to handle modern car seats.

Next, the "Bubba" models typically have a racing stripe decor, and a big "garage" in the back. They even have an on-board fuel tank so you can refill your bike on-the-go! Again, seat belts are haphazardly arranged and are rarely appropriate for car seats. Some of these designs are quite modern, but the focus if definitely on the needs of the racing crowd.

Since I'm tight, I don't ride a bike, I don't hang out at NASCAR events, and I don't care for doilies, My family and I have to adapt. There are ways to turn these limited designs into comfortable living and travel quarters for a decent-sized family. You just have to get creative.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how we plan to do just that.

See you then!

Hugh

The Problem With Big Families Is...

Dear Friend,

The problem with big families is that they don't fit anywhere.

I never thought about this problem until I experienced it, but everything in our society is designed for the family with 2.4 kids and a dog. If you happen to have four kids, a cat, a few kid friends, and a spouse, a lot of things get complicated.

For example, when my first child was born, my wife and I sold our six-month-old BMW Z3 convertible and bought a Toyota Sienna minivan. My driving experience has gone downhill ever since.

The Sienna was a great automobile, and gave us over eleven years of reliable service while enduring unspeakable abuse from my family. And it smelled all the time, too. However, once our kid count started climbing, we just couldn't fit everyone and all of the kid paraphernalia, plus my tiny bag, in that van. So we went out and bought a full sized GMC conversion van.

Actually, my wife negotiated a good deal on that big monster. At the time we had a nanny with us from Argentina. In her country, the entire family would endure long journeys in a tiny compact car, luggage in their lap. When she saw our new van, she promptly dubbed it, "the Spaceship." The name stuck.

You just don't have many choices when your family is big. What else could we buy that fit all of us and didn't resemble a school bus? Not much, really.

I have also discovered that you receive little condolence from others when this issue arises. You kind of get the feeling that they are thinking, "Geez, if it's such a problem maybe you should've gotten that snip job a bit earlier, Bud."

Buying a new RV for a big family is even more complicated. You'd be amazed how complicated.

RVs can be great fun, and the perfect vehicle for transporting a larger family. There's no flitting in and out of hotels every night. Your kids can bring their favorite (small) toys and not worry about forgetting them in a hotel room. You can cook your own meals if you want. It really is a portable home!

However, purchasing an RV is not a project for the faint of heart. Tomorrow, I'll talk about my family's "adventure" in choosing an RV that meets the needs of my "army."

Talk to you tomorrow!

Hugh

Forget the Business Plan!

Dear Friend,

Are you familiar with a typical business plan? If you are a small business owner and have ever applied for a significant bank loan, then you likely know what I am talking about.

A business plan is a carefully crafted plan that discerns where you are today, where you plan to go, and what steps you plan to take to get there (with relevant budgets attached, of course). The idea of a business plan seems quite prudent. I mean, if you don't have a map, how can you expect to reach your destination?

The problem with business plans in the 21st Century, or for that matter long-term plans of any sort, is that they are worthless the moment you create them. This is because they are based on assumptions and guesses that seem likely to be accurate today, but are unlikely to actually be accurate in the future because today's world moves with such speed and chaos that any meaningful prediction is, as a practical matter, impossible.

For years, businesses, governments and other organizations have guided their direction and progress by careful planning, so as to take the shortest and most efficient approach to their goals. The socialist government model is essentially based on the idea that a planned government is an efficient and effective government. Such planning today is an exercise in futility, and therefore the utmost in inefficiency.

So, what are organizations and individuals to do? Just drift along on the chaos and see where it leads us? As a result of the continued false belief in planning by some, drifting in the chaos is exactly what has been occurring. If you don't believe me, just look at the inefficiency and failures of large institutions and markets today - those entities most controlled by central planning.

The solution to dealing with 21st Century chaos is not to let the seas take us where they may, but rather to develop the skills of an expert sea captain, so that we can best maneuver our ships in the waves of chaos, and perhaps even harness this wild energy to drive us to where we really want to go.

Forget planning. Develop your personal skill sets so that you are ready for whatever comes. Stay flexible and be ready for opportunity from any quarter. Always be prepared to think "outside of the box," and use your prepared state to pounce on any opportunity as it passes in front of you before others catch it first.

Southwest Airlines had an action plan on its shelf at all times for jumping on likely opportunities as they became available. Notice, this was not a fixed plan, but an action plan - a plan of what specific actions would need to be set in place on a moment's notice so that their organization could take advantage of strategic opportunities that might appear.

How did Southwest know what to prepare for? They couldn't know for sure. However, they spent time brainstorming about the possibilities, and then setting up specific scenario action plans that they could pull from the shelf and institute long before their competitors could react. They regularly utilized this tactic to beat their competitors to the punch and built a great airline as a result.

Whether you are in business or not, considering the future can be a frightening prospect. Don't worry about the chaos. Focus on your personal skill sets, brainstorm and create scenario action plans like the folks at Southwest Airlines, and act without hesitation when a likely scenario appears on the horizon.

Best of luck to you now and always!

All the best,

Hugh

Living Outside of the Box

Dear Friend,

Have you ever found yourself using the phrase, "before kids..." when describing your life to another. Have you noticed that most people divide their adult life into two halves. The first is "before kids," and the second is "after kids."

Before kids (BK) you lived your life, your way. You did not compromise. You didn't have to. But now, after kids (AK), you do. Or rather, you don't do, anything as you did before.

Have you ever dared to really ask yourself, "Why?" I mean, why do you have to cease being you, a unique human being, living your life in your own unique way? The answer is obvious, of course. It's the kids, dummy. They are why.

My mission is to show you, through taught techniques and real life examples, that you, an ordinary person or couple, can have children and still keep living your own unique lifestyle. And you can do this without being extreme or weird. You just have to be creative and open minded. You also must unlearn a great many stereotypes and downright falsehoods that have been spread through the years about what it takes to be a great parent.

The truth is that we have all been sold a bill of goods. We have been taught that, once we have a child, all fun must stop (except fun that we sneak). One parent must get to work and slave to support your new bundle of joy. The other must start baking cookies and transform her ideal body image from that of a sultry sexpot (BK) to that of Aunt Bee (AK).

Now, if your BK life involved nightly drug orgies or otherwise involved a great deal of dangerous activities inappropriate for the safety or health of children, then you will have to make adjustments. I think just about everyone understands this. However, where is it written that you must disappear into a cubicle or into desperate housewife hell just because you fell in love and had a child?

This is the line that I draw in the sand. It is the line that you must cross if you want to live a more fulfilling life than the dreary lifestyle doled out to you by traditional society. It is now that you must take positive action and be willing to think outside of the traditional family lifesyle "box."

If being the authentic you requires that you make a marked departure from the lifestyle that you adopted AK, or whenever, then it's time that you found out how to get your life back on track. I plan to show you how to take your life back.

I hope that you'll stick around, as my family and yours discover together all of the unique ways that we can experience and share our lives together. As families. Outside of the box.

All the best,

Hugh

"I'm Bored"

Dear Friend,

Yesterday I was talking to my kids at dinner when one of them uttered those classic words, "I'm bored."

I told her that there were only two roads away from boredom, and only one of those was permanent. The second road would lead her right back to the boredom she hated, but the first road would give her a permanent tool that she could use whenever she wanted to get rid of boredom.

The second route to "curing" boredom was temporary stimulation. Kids today are engulfed by sources of stimulation, and stimulation can be a lot of fun. Television, video games, adult led and organized activities, and parental entertainment of kids are examples of external stimulation.

The problem with this second route for curing boredom is that it always required that she rely on the actions of others to escape her boredom, or on the use of things to stimulate her. And there would be many times when these people or things would not be available, or willing, to entertain her. Therefore, she would never feel truly free of her boredom. As we all know, once stimulating activities aren't available, kids soon become bored again, irritable, and prone to fighting amongst each other, typically leading to parental disciplinary action, itself a negative stimulative act.

The first and best route to curing boredom is the ignition of imagination. With an empty but energetic mind, kids can turn their focus onto exploration and discovery. I told my oldest son years ago that boredom will come, and when it does, be thankful, for it is the match that ignites all creativity. Believe it or not, I think he understood me.

It is critical for children to discover this secret cure for boredom as early in life as possible. Adults in today's world often seem to feel obligated to lead and guide their kid's lives far too much in my opinion. Only when left to their boredom, within the guidelines of morally acceptable behavior, can kids really begin to discover who they are and what makes them tick.

I believe that if more parents in the past had let their kids experience this growth process early in life, there wouldn't be so many mid-life crises today. Imagine how many years and how many lives could have been permanently improved if parents simply understood when to let their kids be bored once in a while.

Luckily for me, my kids are still young enough that when I talk about stuff like this, they actually listen. I know they do listen because, generally after such discussions, they continue the discussions with me in private.

I am quite aware that, once my kids hit their teen years, I can expect my platitudes to be met with rolling eyes and deaf ears. So I try to get them to think now, rather than preach. I know that they need to come to their own conclusions about things. I just want to make sure that they have the opportunity to see things in a way that will likely lead to healthy outcomes to their decisions later on. I think that is what all of us want.

Hope you have a great weekend!

All the best,

Hugh

Lunatics on the Freeway

Dear Friend,

My family and I are planning a cross-continent North American excursion in an RV. Yes, all six of us, plus possibly a friend or two once in a while, will be marching like Sherman's army across the beaches, hills, mountains, corn fields, and corn fields, and corn fields...oh well, you get the picture.

Why would I, in fact, why would any sane human being, drag four active kids and my dear wife into such a cramped experience of excitement, frustration, agony, smells, whines, and discovery as that?

Well, it's certainly possible that I am not a sane human being. However, in my weak mind I got the idea that parents have a very small window of time to share with their children while those children are still open to sharing discovery with us.

As teens, kids are already breaking free of parental domination and want to emphasize and discover their own style of living. My kids are aged five through eleven. I think perhaps that if I don't do this now, it will never happen.

To raise some quick cash, my wife and I decided to dump a "valuable" piece of real estate we have held for some time. I say dump because the Realtor says it's worth about a third less than it was just a few years ago. That's a big hit. Perhaps we should just hold onto it until the market improves? That would be the smart financial move. However, if we always do the right thing financially, we'll have a big bank account and an equally big hole in our heart where our kids used to live.

We have a small trailer for quick excursions, but this time we are going to bite the bullet and aim for a big motorhome. The good news is that, with the economy, these things can be bought new for up to 40% off list price. So we plan to fly to a distant city where there is lots of inventory, and perhaps start our journey from there.

All of our kids are way ahead in academics, so I'm not worried about them missing school. And I have about a dozen different homeschooling programs that I can use with them if I think they need to be punished a bit. ;-))

So, once we take care of some details regarding the real estate and pack up our home-based business, I'll be blogging and tweeting from the freeway.

Don't get me wrong. We still plan to travel all over the world and experience exotic things as a family. However, the RV is a great way to start. If you don't have one, or have definite and negative perceptions of the RV experience, try renting the movie, "RV," starring Robin Williams, this weekend. It's realy funny, and it does a great job of addressing what RV life can be as well as busting some of the old stereotypes that have traditionally gone along with the RV lifestyle.

I'll talk more about this later. I plan to demonstrate with descriptions of my own family's actions, as well as with words, at least some of the possible lifestyle options and experiences that any family can live if you have the balls to try them.

As always, all the best,

Hugh

Maybe You Should Quit...

Dear Friend,

Quitting is a rather taboo subject in Western culture. In the States where I grew up, quitting was treated, essentially, as an immoral act. I think that Vince Lombardi, the late American football coach, explained this cultural attitude best with his quote, "Winners never quit, and quitters never win."

If you've had a chance to read author Seth Godin's book, "The Dip," you know that this cultural attitude is wrong - even harmful.

Rather than thinking in terms of quitting or not, I suggest that, instead, you imagine your process in pursuit of your goal in this way:

Imagine yourself standing at the base of a very large tree. This tree has many branches heading off in many directions. These branches intertwine a great deal, so it is impossible to tell which of these may lead you to your goal - the very highest point on the highest branch. The base of the tree signifies your starting point. As you climb this tree, you will guess at which branch to follow. Very often, you will find that the branch you chose is a dead end, of heads off in a direction that you do not want to go. So what do you do? Why, you quit climbing that branch, of course.

Now imagine that you have begun a great project in pursuit of an important goal. To achieve this, you formulate a strategy and begin to execute it by moving ahead. However, after a bit it becomes clear that this particular effort is a dead end, or at least that it won't take you where you really want to be - the top of the tree - your ultimate goal. Do you let your ego attachment to this path keep you from quitting it and starting a new one? Do you think about all of the energy that you have already put into this path, and imagine that energy now wasted unless you "press on" in this dead-end effort? Do you get lazy and just keep going because you don't want to face the negative energy of stopping and starting? Do you fear the stigma, from your friends, family, colleagues, or peers, of being labeled a "quitter."

When you think of this problem in the context of the tree climbing analogy, the answer is obvious. The goal is the purpose of the effort. If what you are doing will not take you there, then only a fool or ignorant would continue another minute in that direction. This kind of "tactical quitting" is smart and necessary. But when we are close to the effort, in the moment, things often look different. We think of all of the effort, and the ego investment in this path, and it seems more difficult to stop and start another effort somewhere else.

For me, the key has always been to keep my mind's eye on the ultimate goal. That's where my ego attaches itself - not to the process. "Keep your eyes on the prize," and tactical quitting becomes just one more tactic towards achieving what you really want.

So the next time you think that you are not on the right path, consider your ultimate goal. Is the path that you are now on the fastest way there? If not, quit, and climb a different branch towards your dream.

All the best,

Hugh

Beginning a Journey to a Better Life

Dear Friend,

The focus of my blog, my business, and my life, really, is to discover and explore ways to live life with my family to the fullest - whatever that may mean to us.

My website at ThePassionateWarrior.com begins with the heading, "Helping Ordinary Families Live Extraordinary Lives." I really mean that. And not just the "extraordinary" part.

In my opinion, there are always people and families who live out on the edge. These folks live life to the fullest, and don't need somebody like me to tell them how. I admire these families greatly, but they aren't really my target audience.

I want to reach "ordinary" families, living typical lives. And I want to ask them a simple question - Are you satisfied with your lifestyle? Are you living today the life that you really want to live? Did you always think that once you got married and had a few kids that the days of fun and excitement in your life would be over?

There is an old but generally unspoken philosophy about coming of age in Western society. It goes something like this: Life, generally, sucks. As a child, you can run around, dream, have fun and adventures, etc. But once you grow up and leave the nest, its time to pick up that lunch pail and get to work in the mines. Marry the girl down the lane, kick out a few young'uns, and support your old folks in their elder years.

It was assumed in those days that life would be hard, and it generally was. People lived from month to month. If you didn't work hard, you'd be fired from your job in the "mines," and become a burden on the family - the ubiquitous "bum."

Parents believed, though totally unconsciously, that part of their job was to beat the dreams and passions out of their children. These were seen as dangerous. Budding artists were steered towards law or medicine or business. No "starving" artists here.

The bottom line is, it is only in recent years that most adults in our culture have been able to consider the possibility of holding onto those childhood dreams and passions. Yet most still don't realize this.

People live the lives they have been programmed to live since childhood. And those programs are often quite old and archaic. My mission is to open eyes, to help people to shed old and distructive programming, and ultimately to help them to get back in touch with their true selves.

I also want to help people to discover that having a family is no burden to living out their dreams. I believe that the best way to be a great parent is to live your life authentically, to its fullest, and to allow your children to watch you do it.

I want my children to live their lives the same way I do. Mind you, I'm not saying that I expect my kids to enjoy the same things that I do. Rather, I want them to understand that life in the 21st Century is all about knowing and striving for your personal dreams. And a great marriage is all about two independent people supporting each other to grow to their personal best, while sharing the ride and acting as each other's unwavering support and cheering section.

If my kids take this new "programming" to heart, I will be satisfied that I have done my best as a parent. And if I can bring to the world this new message of living a full, exciting life of passion and dream fulfillment within the context of a family unit, I will feel that I have succeeded as a teacher, guide and coach to my fellow man.

I hope that you'll join me on this journey. If you are one of those who already lives their life as they please, I need your stories and your guidance so that I can pass them on to those who truly need to hear them. And if you are living the conventional life and are wondeing when this nightmare is going to end - don't call your divorce attorney. Instead, reconsider your life. Maybe you haven't been living your true life after all?

Thanks for your support and for the kindness many of you have shown to me as we have begun this journey together. Here's to a great future for families everywhere!

All the best,

Hugh

The Sound of Silence

Dear Friend,

How much time do you spend in absolute silence? Are you comfortable sitting still, all alone, without substantial outside stimulation?

Most Westerners are not comfortable being alone with themselves. For one thing, we have had the ability since our childhoods to be stimulated by a thousand different sources, whether TV, sports, teacher-directed classrooms, organized play, and more.

As humans, our mind craves activity. We bore quite easily. One way to overcome that boredom is to stimulate our brains with little jolts of energy. Sugar highs, caffeine, drugs, loud music, action movies, video games, flashy advertising - our lives are full of constant stimulation. As a result, our brains become addicted to this stimulation from without.

There is nothing wrong with stimulation. It can be a lot of fun! The problem arises when we as individuals cannot live without a constant state of stimulation. We become addicted to it. And our self identity becomes lost within it as well.

When our world goes quiet, perhaps we begin to plan tomorrow's activities. Or we start to worry about some projected mishap. God forbid we just let the quiet continue.

The fact is, a life without stimulation is simply unknown to many of us. This is why we fear the silence. We fear being swallowed up in the boredom! Or we fear meeting our true selves, face to face.

Whatever the reason, our fear of sitting in true silence means that we miss a great deal of what comes at us. And we often try far too hard to achieve what we think we want.

Often, if we just relax and take positive steps in a desired direction, what we want will come to us on its own. Also, our greatest ideas and insights are often communicated to us in low whispers that we will not recognize if we are too busy with the hustle and bustle of the here and now.

To truly understand ourselves, we must be prepared to see and accept ourselves fully as we really are. Those of us who still struggle with acceptance of our "shadow" selves, or who have a confused self identity, often do not want to address our true selves in a way that may upset a well crafted cease-fire within our own psyche.

The bottom line is, self discovery is the first and most critical step to self actualization. Only by understanding who you truly are can you begin to understand your life's true purpose, and then begin to steer your life in a path that really means something to you. And only be being willing to exist in silence can we begin the process of self discovery.

If you aren't comfortable with silence, do yourself a favor. Put on some soft music. Or just listen to the insects or birds outside of your window. And do nothing else. Consider picking up a book on meditation. There are many simple techniques that you can utilize to help you to discover yourself in the quiet.

Once you master being alone with you, you just may save yourself some money on doctor's bills. Watch your blood pressure go down. And your neuroses fade away. And sitting alone in the quiet costs you nothing. It's a simple and powerful technique for improving the quality of your life.

I wish you the best of luck in discovering the beautiful world of silence. It's a place you won't want to leave!

All the best,

Hugh

What Were You Created to Do?

Dear Friend,

Why were you born? Why are you living and breathing, right now? Deep questions. But do you have an idea of the answer?

It can be a great revelation that we are on this Earth for a purpose. But after the initial excitement, another question arises: "What, exactly, is my purpose?"

How do you discover your purpose? Some people go for years, trying all kinds of things, then quitting, and ultimately getting frustrated by the question.

When we live a conventional life, things come much more easily. We live by conventional rules and so our choices in life are limited. And we drag through life wondering where all of our life energy went.

Once we discover that we have a purpose, that feeling of life energy rushes back to us, reminding us of the heady moments of childhood. We feel young again!

Unfortunately, we are also suddenly faced with a cornucopia of life choices that we never before knew to exist. It's exciting, but it's also confusing. You can come to feel like you do when your kid tells you that there's nothing on TV, and there are over 500 channels to watch. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by the choices that life provides.

Despite all of these choices, your purpose is in there. One technique that has worked for some is to start writing about your life's purpose. You don't have to say anything special. In fact, it's better if you just start by writing whatever happens to be passing through your mind at the moment. Just keep the idea of your life's purpose in the forefront of your thoughts, and after about three pages your life's purpose will be there, on the page, staring up at you.

Give it a try. It's an easy technique and it can help you to sidestep a lot of unnecessary frustration.

Talk to you soon!

Hugh

Surfin' Kiddos

Dear Friend,

I watched an interesting movie today. Maybe you've seen it? It's called "Surfwise,"and it's about the Paskowitz family, who lived an extremely unconventional life as a family of surfers living out of a ramshackle RV in the 1960s and 70s.

I bought the film on the recommendation of my wife's and my personal trainer, who is also a filmmaker, and who thought that some of the life philosophies of the family's father sounded like mine.

The film described the life of the dad, a Stanford educated physician (honors grad) who lived a conventional, suburban life for a while in his 20s. He was president of the California branch of the AMA, and was even mentioned as a possible future politician.

But one day this guy realized that he had never been unhappier in his life. So he left his family, and went off to become a beach bum surfer dude (doesn't quite sound like me, to be honest).

But that's only the start of the story. He meets another lady who liked his new lifestyle, and went on to raise nine kids in this junky RV. They never had any money. One day, the dad told everyone that he was holding the family's last dime. He was quite proud.

The dad became a famous and champion surfer, as did many of the children. Dad didn't believe in education, so none of the kids ever spent one day in school. They just surfed, and ate a spartan
but healthy diet designed by the father.

The dad turned out to be a tyrant of sorts. A brilliant tyrant. And the film went on to document some of the family's dysfunctions that likely grew out of his tyrannizing ways.

Some of the kids grew up wanting to emulate the dad's lifestyle. Others transitioned into more conventional lives. Some deeply resented the dad. Oh well.

I did enjoy the film. I believe that the significance of the film is as an example, albeit an extreme one, of an alternative way for a family to live and raise children.

Personally, I think that the parent's failure to homeschool in some manner, even unschooling through exposure to more of the world, probably hurt the kid's ability to fit in to the general population later in life (if they so chose). The dad's strong personality also probably prevented some individual development in the children. I don't recommend this film as a model for child rearing.

Yet I've seen kids that are a lot more screwed up who were raised by right and proper traditional families.

I guess what I came away from the film with was that there are a lot of ways that families can live, some quite different than societal "norms," and these ways can be equal to or better than those "norms" for the development of children into healthy adults. There are just so few well-publicized examples of such creative family lifestyles for young couples to be inspired by. And extreme examples like this one make actually drive such couples away from thinking creatively.

I don't advocate living unconventional lifestyles simply to be different (though that's certainly your right). But I do think that creative approaches to raising families must be tolerated by society in general if adult parents are to be free to live out their unique dreams while simultaneously raising kids. I also think that being creative and happy as a parent is the best kind of model that we as parents can be for our children.

Otherwise, we are all just prisoners of the cubicle and the PTA and we might as well get used to it.

Check out the film for yourself. Warning - there is some adult language and frank sexual references, so you might want to watch it after the kiddies are in bed.

All the best,

Hugh

Distant Thunder

Dear Friend,

Have you ever sat and observed the power of nature as manifested in a thunderstorm? I love how the storms can approach in the evenings, when all is dark, the flashes getting a bit brighter and more frequent with time. What most stirs me, however, is the distant rumble of thunder.

Thunder in the night sounds to me like the ultimate communication of power. Great power. And when I listen in the darkness I feel like a small mouse, hiding in the grass, waiting for the elephant to pass by.

I think I am well safe, so I allow myself to indulge in the awe of the vision. Something so large, and so powerful, and potentially so dangerous is in my midst. I can fear it and admire it at the same time. It exists to fulfill its purpose, and then dies.

I can do nothing to interfere. And if I could interfere, would I? Should I? Should I fear something simply because it is more powerful than I? Must I destroy anything that might possibly threaten me at some moment in the future? Or can I learn to live in a universe where I truly am just a mouse in the grass, watching in perceived safety, admiring the greatness that surrounds me, and then going about my small, simple, and relatively insignificant life?

Doesn't this describe the true nature of humanity, on a tiny planet, in an insignificant corner of the universe? And are you and I any less important, than any other thing in the universe, simply because we lack the power to destroy most of what surrounds us? Simply because we have far less control over the physical universe that we desire?

I enjoy the distant thunder, so I now return to it's solemn symphony. I hope you have a great day!

All the best,

Hugh

Just Do It!

Dear Friend,

Do yourself a favor. Think of something that you have really been wanting to do but haven't because, well, because you had reasons - money, you've been busy, whatever.

Now, arrange to do it. Just make it work somehow. Find the money somewhere. Take a bit of time off work. Be a bit irresponsible.

You see, you need it. We all do. Do that thing that you need to do. Or really want to do. And don't plan it out too much. Just go. Be spontaneous. There really isn't a better way to release underlying pressure. Worried about losing time at work? Don't be. Your personal productivity will skyrocket afterward.

Sometimes we just need to break the rules. Otherwise, we'll slowly wither away.

Have fun! And just do it!

All the best,

Hugh

The Pacifist and the Warrior

Dear Friend,

"The world has the habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going." Napoleon Hill.

I had a nice discussion with a friend on Twitter last evening about how we deal with conflict. She said that she was a "pacifist" and did all that she could to avoid a confrontation at all times. Suddenly I felt the need to preach to her about the importance of standing up for herself. Then I wondered why I had done that.

I remembered that, as a very young child, maybe five or six years old, I found myself determined to avoid the fights that the other boys got involved in. I distinctly remember having a revelation on the playground one day. "I must be a pacifist," I thought.

I don't know where I had heard that term. It was the late sixties and the Vietnam War was raging on the evening news here in the States about every night. Clearly I had heard and understood what that term meant, at least in a basic way.

So why did I feel the need to "straighten out" my friend last night. Am I no longer the "pacifist" of my childhood?

What I remember about my thoughts and feelings as a child was not a philosophical position on the use of force. I remember being afraid of getting hurt. That fear made me a "pacifist."

Later on in life that habit of letting fear and my natural shy nature dictate my reaction to conflict left me compromising my principals. I wasn't really afraid anymore. Sometimes I really wanted to sock some of those guys good! But once you have created a persona, it is hard to break out of it.

As I grew up confrontation with bullies on the bus disappeared, of course. Yet I still seemed to work hard for compromise and conciliation in all circumstances. I think that this led some of those around me to lose respect for me. That can be dangerous when you are their boss. I guess that it became obvious to them that I saw no circumstance when standing up for oneself was appropriate.

Later in my life I began to have new revelations about myself and the purpose of my life. It was then that I realized how stupid my earlier behavior had been. For example, if I really wanted to avoid confrontation, I should have stood up to those who threatened me.

I still strongly believe in working hard to avoid conflict. I am a huge believe in win-'win outcomes. I suspect that my years of practice in compromise and in what I like to call "composite" solutions to complex problems made such outcomes more likely than they otherwise might have been. I even considered becoming a professional arbitrator at one point, but I couldn't stand the idea of constantly dealing with negative emotions.

My experience has taught me that if you show confidence and no fear, most conflict will be avoided. Whether kids or adults, bullies are, at heart, afraid and insecure. If you show no fear or interest in their shenanigans, they will look for easier prey. And if they don't, you had better make them wish they did.

I know, talk like that is a far cry from my pacifist days. But I learned a great deal during my meek years. I knew that I should never go looking for trouble, but that if it came to me, and I did not stand up to it, it would rule over me forever. I now teach my children the same lesson, a lesson that would have shocked me as a child.

When we show fear to bullies, we surrender our lives and our freedom to them. We cannot rely on others to protect us. The nasty guys will just wait until you are alone and then terrorize you. You'll never be able to rest.

Each of us must have the sense of confidence that only comes from knowing ourselves, our purpose, and our passion. With that confidence, we will put bullies and other simpletons to shame. When they see your sense of drive, purpose and direction, they will fear you. Not that you will hurt them, but that you are far more that they have ever dared to be. They are intimidated by your shine.

Gandhi was my kind of pacifist. He might not have used direct force, but he sure as heck never ran from the bullies, and he won! You will too.

Am I still a pacifist? Apparently not. What am I? Why, I'm a Passionate Warrior, of course!

All the best to you and yours,

Hugh

Courage

Dear Friend,

"The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." ~Thucydides

Yet again a quote has struck me in such a way that I feel compelled to speak on it.

If the above quote is true, then the greatest secret of the universe has been discovered. And it has been right under our nose for two thousand years (as most great truths are). The world wants happiness. Humans pursue it in money, in power, and in love.

I suspect that love and compassion are the true paths to a life filled with these same emotions. Yet, happiness itself, whatever it is, derives from the pursuit of our life's true purpose. And the only true obstacle to achieving that purpose is the courage to pursue it.

It is tough to be brave. And sometimes it is dangerous. Often we imagine that an object of our desire may not be worth the effort of the pursuit. Then again, is it the effort we consider or our fears? Fears of failure, and of success. Fears of change, and of others' reaction to that change.

If you want to be happy, then you just have to go get that happiness. Let your heart guide you. There is no worse death than a life spent in fear of pursuing what you love. Go get it!

All the best,

Hugh