Dear Friend,
You already have everything that you need to live your dream life.
Except perhaps a solid understanding of who you are. And a bit of courage.
And a desire to be happy. No. A determination to be happy.
In fact, I think that it is determination that sets satisfied people apart from the rest. It is determination that overcomes old habits. And it is determination that stands up to the constant resistance we all face from the world - resistance to the change that we bring, simply by daring to be us.
You just have to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve to be happy. You also have to believe that no one else's happiness is more important than yours. Not your partner's happiness. Not even your kids.
You have to really, truly, love you.
And not a lot of people really like themselves, much less love themselves.
If you are not determined to be happy; if, somehow, you don't think that your own happiness rates highly enough to justify inconveniencing those around you, then you will never succeed at being happy.
So. Decide to be the authentic you. Take substantive action towards your new life. And adopt a solid determination that this is the way things will be from now on. No matter what.
I wish you the best.
Until later,
Hugh
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Have I Lost My Mind?!?
Dear Friend,
Today, a thought flashed through my mind. For one moment, I wondered what the he** I was doing thinking that I could drag seven people into a little rolling box and expect to have a good time.
Well, it's true. If I was starting from scratch, and my life would be built around one dream (which in my case involves exploration and travel), I probably wouldn't have included all of these other people.
You know, maybe I'd bring my sweetie to hug on once in a while, while we careened off to nowhere, together discovering that we already have all that we need.
But, real life never works that way. We aren't born with wisdom, and by the time we get it, we're too old to enjoy it.
So the only alternative for me - for any of us, really - is to take the life that we've got, and just make it work. It's either that or just sit around and complain about the fact that our current life just won't let us live our dreams. It's just unfair! Boo hoo!
Sheeze. Nobody want's to hear you complain, especially you.
So shut up and make it work. And once you get going, drop me a line and tell what you're doing and how you did it. We can commiserate about all of the crap that we have to put up with in order to live our dreams.
Now that kind of complaining I'll listen to!
Have a great day!
Hugh
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Random Thoughts on a Warm Summer's Day
Dear Friend,
I spent a moment today just observing the afternoon sky.
It was a very muggy day. No, more than muggy. Oppressive. But beautiful just the same.
My body was so wet that I could've used a squeegee as easily as a towel to dry myself off.
There was a gentle breeze, however. I could see wet gray clouds building into afternoon thunderstorms. I told my youngest child that they were just baby storms now, but very soon they would be all grown up and very grumpy.
I petted a dog that once was a favorite of my father-in-law. I told him that I knew that he missed his old owner, who passed away recently, but that my old friend was still here if he just listened carefully enough.
My youngest insisted that she saw grandpa at night - or at least she heard him walking around. Perhaps he hasn't discovered that he's dead yet?
I helped my mother-in-law fix a fence gate on her farm. She told me that even little things frighten her these days. Like how was she going to get that gate fixed alone?
This time she didn't have to.
As long as there are people who care about you, things have a way of working out. At least I believe that. I hope I still believe that if I find myself in my mother-in-law's shoes. A widow, living alone on a rural farm.
Lots of things to talk about in future posts. We are officially on the road!
As is obvious by now we stopped by my mother-in-law's house. She had kept my youngest for a couple of weeks. When we got here, my daughter looked like a real farm girl - she'd gone native!
Anyway, I think she had fun. But she was glad to see us too.
I got a hair trim yesterday. Well, more than a trim. I had let it grow pretty long since my photo on this site was taken. Now I look like the photo again. I expect to be doing some videos soon. Perhaps some You Tube stuff. I just wanted to make sure folks recognized me.
My oldest son reassured me that I could grow it out again if I wanted. But this time I could gentle my users into the new look so they wouldn't be shocked by the change. Pretty good for a ten year old.
My mom was happy about the cut. She didn't like the shaggy look. But when we arrived at my mother-in-law's to pick up my daughter, I think that my daughter was a bit taken aback by dad's new look. I had changed so much in two weeks!
I think maybe I should've waited to get it cut after we picked her up.
I remember when I was a kid, and my dad returned from a fishing trip to Australia with his business friends. He had grown a short beard.
Now my dad had never changed his look. And he had never worn a beard. Never. I was too old to be affected by anything as silly as a little extra stubble. But when I saw him walk off the plane, I got the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach - like someone had taken my "daddy." Someone stole my dad and sent this impostor in his place! That was the feeling. Totally irrational and it took me completely of guard.
Of course, I knew better. But I never forgot that feeling. And I spoke to my youngest about how she must feel. She avoided me at first. Trying to get used to the change, I guess.
I talked to her about the kitten that she had been carrying around for the last two weeks. Bo is his name. I expect Bo is going to be quite the lap cat after surviving the terror of being under the focused attention my five year old for two weeks. Either that or Bo will never come out from under the bed. I think the former, though. Bo seems to have taken a shine to her.
As have I.
Unfortunately, my youngest son and her do not get along that well. Or I should say that my son does not seem to be able to deal with competition from a fast talking, very self assured young woman who is competing for his parents' attention.
Since my youngest has been with her grandmother, our household has been rather peaceful. Even with all of the last minute preparation for our expedition.
My younger son usually fights, not only with my youngest, but also with my older daughter. But in the last few weeks he and my older daughter have been the best of pals.
I don't know how things will work out on our trip. I guess we will see.
We have an adult friend along to help deal with the kiddos when we need to get something done around here. She can stay with us for a month, and then will fly back, so we'll see how we do with and without her help.
Seven people living together in a 35 foot by 8 foot space (actually much smaller when you account for all of the furniture, appliances, and cabinets)!
But we are mobile! Everywhere we go, we are already home!
I hope that your week is going great so far. So far, so good for me and mine!
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
I spent a moment today just observing the afternoon sky.
It was a very muggy day. No, more than muggy. Oppressive. But beautiful just the same.
My body was so wet that I could've used a squeegee as easily as a towel to dry myself off.
There was a gentle breeze, however. I could see wet gray clouds building into afternoon thunderstorms. I told my youngest child that they were just baby storms now, but very soon they would be all grown up and very grumpy.
I petted a dog that once was a favorite of my father-in-law. I told him that I knew that he missed his old owner, who passed away recently, but that my old friend was still here if he just listened carefully enough.
My youngest insisted that she saw grandpa at night - or at least she heard him walking around. Perhaps he hasn't discovered that he's dead yet?
I helped my mother-in-law fix a fence gate on her farm. She told me that even little things frighten her these days. Like how was she going to get that gate fixed alone?
This time she didn't have to.
As long as there are people who care about you, things have a way of working out. At least I believe that. I hope I still believe that if I find myself in my mother-in-law's shoes. A widow, living alone on a rural farm.
Lots of things to talk about in future posts. We are officially on the road!
As is obvious by now we stopped by my mother-in-law's house. She had kept my youngest for a couple of weeks. When we got here, my daughter looked like a real farm girl - she'd gone native!
Anyway, I think she had fun. But she was glad to see us too.
I got a hair trim yesterday. Well, more than a trim. I had let it grow pretty long since my photo on this site was taken. Now I look like the photo again. I expect to be doing some videos soon. Perhaps some You Tube stuff. I just wanted to make sure folks recognized me.
My oldest son reassured me that I could grow it out again if I wanted. But this time I could gentle my users into the new look so they wouldn't be shocked by the change. Pretty good for a ten year old.
My mom was happy about the cut. She didn't like the shaggy look. But when we arrived at my mother-in-law's to pick up my daughter, I think that my daughter was a bit taken aback by dad's new look. I had changed so much in two weeks!
I think maybe I should've waited to get it cut after we picked her up.
I remember when I was a kid, and my dad returned from a fishing trip to Australia with his business friends. He had grown a short beard.
Now my dad had never changed his look. And he had never worn a beard. Never. I was too old to be affected by anything as silly as a little extra stubble. But when I saw him walk off the plane, I got the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach - like someone had taken my "daddy." Someone stole my dad and sent this impostor in his place! That was the feeling. Totally irrational and it took me completely of guard.
Of course, I knew better. But I never forgot that feeling. And I spoke to my youngest about how she must feel. She avoided me at first. Trying to get used to the change, I guess.
I talked to her about the kitten that she had been carrying around for the last two weeks. Bo is his name. I expect Bo is going to be quite the lap cat after surviving the terror of being under the focused attention my five year old for two weeks. Either that or Bo will never come out from under the bed. I think the former, though. Bo seems to have taken a shine to her.
As have I.
Unfortunately, my youngest son and her do not get along that well. Or I should say that my son does not seem to be able to deal with competition from a fast talking, very self assured young woman who is competing for his parents' attention.
Since my youngest has been with her grandmother, our household has been rather peaceful. Even with all of the last minute preparation for our expedition.
My younger son usually fights, not only with my youngest, but also with my older daughter. But in the last few weeks he and my older daughter have been the best of pals.
I don't know how things will work out on our trip. I guess we will see.
We have an adult friend along to help deal with the kiddos when we need to get something done around here. She can stay with us for a month, and then will fly back, so we'll see how we do with and without her help.
Seven people living together in a 35 foot by 8 foot space (actually much smaller when you account for all of the furniture, appliances, and cabinets)!
But we are mobile! Everywhere we go, we are already home!
I hope that your week is going great so far. So far, so good for me and mine!
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
I Believe Verizon Hates Canadians
Dear Friend,
As we ready to hit the road to Canada, I visited a local Verizon Wireless store today to make sure that my cell phones and 3G wireless "air" card will work there. Here's what I discovered.
As for the 3G air card. There is a roaming charge when you cross the border. It's only $2 per megabyte of usage. So if we hit the 5 gigabytes of usage that we often do next month, we are talking an extra charge of more than $10,000 for one month's modest Internet usage in Canada.
Hmmm. That sounds fair. What do you think?
What are these people smoking? Or perhaps they are hoping that at least some of their customers will simply trust them to deal with them in a consistently fair and reasonable way. You know, the way I would expect my customers to trust me. And I would be proud to honor that trust.
Apparently, companies life Verizon Wireless are simply more interested in fleecing folks. I guess that they really don't need loyal customers anymore. Must be nice.
Anyway, take note of this. I'm sure that other wireless carriers do the same thing.
If anyone can recommend a good wireless internet solution for a couple of months travel in Canada, I'd be mighty obliged.
Thanks a mil...or is it ten grand?
Hugh ;-))
As we ready to hit the road to Canada, I visited a local Verizon Wireless store today to make sure that my cell phones and 3G wireless "air" card will work there. Here's what I discovered.
As for the 3G air card. There is a roaming charge when you cross the border. It's only $2 per megabyte of usage. So if we hit the 5 gigabytes of usage that we often do next month, we are talking an extra charge of more than $10,000 for one month's modest Internet usage in Canada.
Hmmm. That sounds fair. What do you think?
What are these people smoking? Or perhaps they are hoping that at least some of their customers will simply trust them to deal with them in a consistently fair and reasonable way. You know, the way I would expect my customers to trust me. And I would be proud to honor that trust.
Apparently, companies life Verizon Wireless are simply more interested in fleecing folks. I guess that they really don't need loyal customers anymore. Must be nice.
Anyway, take note of this. I'm sure that other wireless carriers do the same thing.
If anyone can recommend a good wireless internet solution for a couple of months travel in Canada, I'd be mighty obliged.
Thanks a mil...or is it ten grand?
Hugh ;-))
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I Finally Finished That $%^&*#@ Book!!!
Dear Friend,
Tonight I finished the manuscript for my new book, Families Without Limits!
Of course, I could have edited it about twenty more times, but you got to let it go at some point I suppose.
The Warrior is purring in the driveway as my wife organizes all the stuff that we are going to squeeze into that poor vehicle.
You know, we put a full-sized washer into that baby. A fancy Samsung, with auto balancing and "Silver Care" (whatever that is). And a dryer, too. But the dryer heating element only works when we are plugged into shore power, as our generator puts out 110 volts only.
My wife is a wiz at organization and packing, so I know things will be done right.
Long ago, after some uncomfortable confrontations, we agreed that she would take full charge of all packing duties. Which has worked out great for me as it allowed me to finished that manuscript up before we shoved off.
I'll post more about availability of the finished book as soon as I know it.
In the mean time, I hope that you have an absolutely terrific week! Mine will be spent on the road!
All the best,
Hugh
Tonight I finished the manuscript for my new book, Families Without Limits!
Of course, I could have edited it about twenty more times, but you got to let it go at some point I suppose.
The Warrior is purring in the driveway as my wife organizes all the stuff that we are going to squeeze into that poor vehicle.
You know, we put a full-sized washer into that baby. A fancy Samsung, with auto balancing and "Silver Care" (whatever that is). And a dryer, too. But the dryer heating element only works when we are plugged into shore power, as our generator puts out 110 volts only.
My wife is a wiz at organization and packing, so I know things will be done right.
Long ago, after some uncomfortable confrontations, we agreed that she would take full charge of all packing duties. Which has worked out great for me as it allowed me to finished that manuscript up before we shoved off.
I'll post more about availability of the finished book as soon as I know it.
In the mean time, I hope that you have an absolutely terrific week! Mine will be spent on the road!
All the best,
Hugh
Friday, July 24, 2009
Book Cover Design Released!
Dear Friend,
Here it is! Got the new book cover finished up today. What do you think?
Still wrapped up in last minute prep for our journey and editing for the new book.
Also working on finishing up a re-write of another book I wrote, The Power of Focus on Demand.
Both of these books, plus more, should be on sale in a week or so (I hope!).
I promise that I won't gip you so much on blog content within a week or so when things slow down.
All the best to you and yours,
Hugh
New Book Soon To Be Released!
Dear Friend,
Been putting the final touches on the new book I am about to release. It's titled, "Families Without Limits - Living Your Own Creative Family Lifestyle."
I'm excited about this release! This book is an excellent introduction to the philosophy that I encourage every family to adopt, and I hope that I can count on you to check out a copy! ;-)
Also been getting lots of last minute details taken care of before the army shoves off early next week for our cross-continental journey in the Road Warrior. Been busier than a one-armed paperhanger!
No post yesterday - sorry. And today's post is quite abbreviated. However, hope to pick up the pace when we get back on the road.
Thank you for the support that I have received. It has been fantastic!
Talk to you soon!
All the best,
Hugh
Been putting the final touches on the new book I am about to release. It's titled, "Families Without Limits - Living Your Own Creative Family Lifestyle."
I'm excited about this release! This book is an excellent introduction to the philosophy that I encourage every family to adopt, and I hope that I can count on you to check out a copy! ;-)
Also been getting lots of last minute details taken care of before the army shoves off early next week for our cross-continental journey in the Road Warrior. Been busier than a one-armed paperhanger!
No post yesterday - sorry. And today's post is quite abbreviated. However, hope to pick up the pace when we get back on the road.
Thank you for the support that I have received. It has been fantastic!
Talk to you soon!
All the best,
Hugh
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Men - Keeping Your Partner Happy
Dear Friend,
This post is aimed at my masculine readers. If you are of the feminine race, please read this as well, and set me straight if you disagree. You certainly know this subject better than I!
Let me start out by stating that this post is a hopeless generalization. When I refer to relationships it must be also understood that there are as many unique relationship dynamics as there are relationships. That's a lot of variety!
Nevertheless, there are some generally accurate things that I have experienced in my relationships that I thought needed to be passed on to other men to improve their chances for keeping their honey happy.
So here goes...
First, I am passionate about the fact that women are equal to men in every way. Masculine and feminine are unique from each other, but everyone deserves to be treated with equal respect.
I have always felt so strongly about this that I made a point of treating my lady friends in a way I saw as "equal," or better yet, deferential. For example, if the subject of what to have for dinner came up, I would respectfully ask, "Well, what would you like this evening, dear?" If the question of where to go on vacation came up, I would first defer to the lady's taste.
I understood this behavior as the verbal equivalent of opening the door for a lady and letting her pass first - a sign of respect.
However, I eventually figured out that my verbal deference was not seen as a sign of respect by most women, but rather as a sign of weakness!
What I have learned over time is that, the more that I treated many women in this deferential way, the less interested in me they became. Many, especially the stronger women, seemed to like the "bad boys". This completely confused me.
Why did these women act that way? Well, we'll never know exactly why in any specific case. However, psychologists have determined that many women can be instinctively attracted to men who are decisive, take charge, and whose life does not revolve around them.
In the past, women were attracted to men who were likely to be leaders, because leaders had a better chance for survival in the prehistoric world. Leaders would make sure that a woman's offspring got fed and weren't eaten by wild beasts.
In those days, there was likely little difference between a leader and a thug. Thugs had the physical strength and ability to intimidate that was required for a leader. This is the instinctive basis for a woman's attraction to "bad boys," even if those guys aren't very likely to be the leader of anything these days. And even if those bad boys don't really treat her very well. A woman's instinct leaned more towards ensuring basic survival than it did towards preserving her happiness.
Today, women can overcome this outmoded instinctive drive with good sense. However, that does not mean that they always do it. Even smart women fall into this trap.
Of course, men are not taught all of this ancient history when they begin to court the feminine race. And dominating male behavior was exactly contradictary to what these same women apparently thought that they wanted in a man. So when a woman who said that she wanted a sweet man who treats her right dumps you for the "bad boy," a guy starts to think that the woman was being less than truthful with him.
So, how is an honest and respectful guy to deal with this? Should he act the "bad guy" role so that he can compete?
No one should be disingenuous in their relationships. You must be your true self.
But I suggest that when a woman asks a man "Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?", a man should NOT say, "Oh, wherever you want, dear." A woman might want to hear "Let's go to the Thai place."
I'm not saying that women want to be dominated. They want to be respected. They want their opinion to weigh equally in a relationship. And if a woman who is worth her salt even suspects that you don't fully respect her, your relationship just ended, bud.
However, when it comes to acting decisively, more often than not, women want their man to just make a decision and put an end to the discussion. A woman often unconsciously wants to enjoy the uniquely feminine role of fickleness, and she can't indulge in this if her man insists on being "respectful" and refusing to make a decision for both of you.
Let her indulge. Make the decisions. If she protests, you will quickly know whether the protest is sincere or not. Understand that this is a game. She will let you know in subtle (or not so subtle) ways when you should defer to her opinion. Otherwise, let her be a woman. She'll love you all the more for it.
This is what has worked out for me. And I learned all of this the hard way. I thought it only fair that these secrets to a woman's mind be passed on to my masculine brothers in the hope that their relationships might be improved and their lady friends might be just a bit more satisfied.
I hope that this helps in your relationship as well.
All the best,
Hugh
This post is aimed at my masculine readers. If you are of the feminine race, please read this as well, and set me straight if you disagree. You certainly know this subject better than I!
Let me start out by stating that this post is a hopeless generalization. When I refer to relationships it must be also understood that there are as many unique relationship dynamics as there are relationships. That's a lot of variety!
Nevertheless, there are some generally accurate things that I have experienced in my relationships that I thought needed to be passed on to other men to improve their chances for keeping their honey happy.
So here goes...
First, I am passionate about the fact that women are equal to men in every way. Masculine and feminine are unique from each other, but everyone deserves to be treated with equal respect.
I have always felt so strongly about this that I made a point of treating my lady friends in a way I saw as "equal," or better yet, deferential. For example, if the subject of what to have for dinner came up, I would respectfully ask, "Well, what would you like this evening, dear?" If the question of where to go on vacation came up, I would first defer to the lady's taste.
I understood this behavior as the verbal equivalent of opening the door for a lady and letting her pass first - a sign of respect.
However, I eventually figured out that my verbal deference was not seen as a sign of respect by most women, but rather as a sign of weakness!
What I have learned over time is that, the more that I treated many women in this deferential way, the less interested in me they became. Many, especially the stronger women, seemed to like the "bad boys". This completely confused me.
Why did these women act that way? Well, we'll never know exactly why in any specific case. However, psychologists have determined that many women can be instinctively attracted to men who are decisive, take charge, and whose life does not revolve around them.
In the past, women were attracted to men who were likely to be leaders, because leaders had a better chance for survival in the prehistoric world. Leaders would make sure that a woman's offspring got fed and weren't eaten by wild beasts.
In those days, there was likely little difference between a leader and a thug. Thugs had the physical strength and ability to intimidate that was required for a leader. This is the instinctive basis for a woman's attraction to "bad boys," even if those guys aren't very likely to be the leader of anything these days. And even if those bad boys don't really treat her very well. A woman's instinct leaned more towards ensuring basic survival than it did towards preserving her happiness.
Today, women can overcome this outmoded instinctive drive with good sense. However, that does not mean that they always do it. Even smart women fall into this trap.
Of course, men are not taught all of this ancient history when they begin to court the feminine race. And dominating male behavior was exactly contradictary to what these same women apparently thought that they wanted in a man. So when a woman who said that she wanted a sweet man who treats her right dumps you for the "bad boy," a guy starts to think that the woman was being less than truthful with him.
So, how is an honest and respectful guy to deal with this? Should he act the "bad guy" role so that he can compete?
No one should be disingenuous in their relationships. You must be your true self.
But I suggest that when a woman asks a man "Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?", a man should NOT say, "Oh, wherever you want, dear." A woman might want to hear "Let's go to the Thai place."
I'm not saying that women want to be dominated. They want to be respected. They want their opinion to weigh equally in a relationship. And if a woman who is worth her salt even suspects that you don't fully respect her, your relationship just ended, bud.
However, when it comes to acting decisively, more often than not, women want their man to just make a decision and put an end to the discussion. A woman often unconsciously wants to enjoy the uniquely feminine role of fickleness, and she can't indulge in this if her man insists on being "respectful" and refusing to make a decision for both of you.
Let her indulge. Make the decisions. If she protests, you will quickly know whether the protest is sincere or not. Understand that this is a game. She will let you know in subtle (or not so subtle) ways when you should defer to her opinion. Otherwise, let her be a woman. She'll love you all the more for it.
This is what has worked out for me. And I learned all of this the hard way. I thought it only fair that these secrets to a woman's mind be passed on to my masculine brothers in the hope that their relationships might be improved and their lady friends might be just a bit more satisfied.
I hope that this helps in your relationship as well.
All the best,
Hugh
Monday, July 20, 2009
Life Before and After Kids
Dear Friend,
Do you ever find yourself thinking about your life in terms of what your life was like before you had kids and what it is like now?
How has your life changed after bringing those little bundles into the world?
Be honest. I think that some people are almost afraid to admit to themselves that having kids can have a down side. Yet the degree to which your lifestyle has changed for the worse since your kids came along is the measure of the "sacrifice" that you are making to ensure that your kids have the best possible upbringing.
Right?
WRONG!
If you learn nothing else from me, please take this point to heart, and repeat it over and over to yourself each day:
The way to be the best possible parent that you can be is to be the best possible person that you can be, and to live the best possible life that you can live, everyday.
If you measure the quality of your parenting by how much you sacrifice for your children, then I propose that you are not being the best parent that you can be. And, you are not living the happiest life that you can live for yourself.
Raising great kids does not require that parents cease being people. It simply requires that parents be aware that everything that they do is being carefully watched and memorized by their young ones.
So, when you are finally ready to stop being bored, tired and frustrated with your lot in life, just remember that you can't use the arrival of kids in your life as an excuse. There is no excuse to not living your life fully and completely.
So, are you ready to start living yet?
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
Do you ever find yourself thinking about your life in terms of what your life was like before you had kids and what it is like now?
How has your life changed after bringing those little bundles into the world?
Be honest. I think that some people are almost afraid to admit to themselves that having kids can have a down side. Yet the degree to which your lifestyle has changed for the worse since your kids came along is the measure of the "sacrifice" that you are making to ensure that your kids have the best possible upbringing.
Right?
WRONG!
If you learn nothing else from me, please take this point to heart, and repeat it over and over to yourself each day:
The way to be the best possible parent that you can be is to be the best possible person that you can be, and to live the best possible life that you can live, everyday.
If you measure the quality of your parenting by how much you sacrifice for your children, then I propose that you are not being the best parent that you can be. And, you are not living the happiest life that you can live for yourself.
Raising great kids does not require that parents cease being people. It simply requires that parents be aware that everything that they do is being carefully watched and memorized by their young ones.
So, when you are finally ready to stop being bored, tired and frustrated with your lot in life, just remember that you can't use the arrival of kids in your life as an excuse. There is no excuse to not living your life fully and completely.
So, are you ready to start living yet?
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I Am Not On Vacation
Dear Friend,
There is a huge difference between being on vacation and adopting a creative family lifestyle, though, to people on the outside, that difference may not be readily apparent.
Being on vacation is inherently temporary. It is a break from your normal, proper routine. It is an attempt to recharge your batteries so that you can again hunker down and do what you "must" do.
Living a creative family lifestyle is nothing like this at all.
First, a creative family lifestyle is permanent. Or at least the attitude is. You might change the character of your daily activities, but the attitude and thus approach to daily living is permanent.
Second, your creative family lifestyle is your normal life. It's not just another temporary jolt to get you back into the ring. It is the "ring." You just may not be living your life in the way those around you might have expected you to when they knew you "before" you made the transition.
What living a creative family lifestyle does have in common with vacation is the relaxed approach folks take to life, which I suspect is a more natural living stance than the one most people take day-to-day. Smiles are also a typically common element. Time has less relevance to us (I haven't worn a watch for years and have difficulty remembering the day or date most of the time).
The types of daily activities that you engage in while living your creative family lifestyle may be similar to those most folks might reserve for vacation time, as they are often not directly connected to making money. Yet those of us who adopt a creative family lifestyle often do quite well financially. We have simply chosen to develop sources of income that do not require constant baby-sitting or personally solving other people's problem.
And we never sell hours out of our day. Sell your knowledge, for example, and you can resell it forever. Hours from your day are the stuff that life is made of, and are thus far too precious to sell to anyone.
Vacations can have a "ten countries in five days" sort of character that values quantity over quality. When you live a creative family lifestyle, your time is truly yours and it is infinite, so there is no reason to hurry anywhere.
Life is not a basket into which experiences are quickly thrown for later examination, like photographs. Life is here. Now. And we live and experience it for all that it is, now. Not all that it was or might someday be.
So remember, do not imagine a creative family lifestyle as one long vacation. It is not. It is something much more exciting and fulfilling.
Talk to you again soon,
Hugh
There is a huge difference between being on vacation and adopting a creative family lifestyle, though, to people on the outside, that difference may not be readily apparent.
Being on vacation is inherently temporary. It is a break from your normal, proper routine. It is an attempt to recharge your batteries so that you can again hunker down and do what you "must" do.
Living a creative family lifestyle is nothing like this at all.
First, a creative family lifestyle is permanent. Or at least the attitude is. You might change the character of your daily activities, but the attitude and thus approach to daily living is permanent.
Second, your creative family lifestyle is your normal life. It's not just another temporary jolt to get you back into the ring. It is the "ring." You just may not be living your life in the way those around you might have expected you to when they knew you "before" you made the transition.
What living a creative family lifestyle does have in common with vacation is the relaxed approach folks take to life, which I suspect is a more natural living stance than the one most people take day-to-day. Smiles are also a typically common element. Time has less relevance to us (I haven't worn a watch for years and have difficulty remembering the day or date most of the time).
The types of daily activities that you engage in while living your creative family lifestyle may be similar to those most folks might reserve for vacation time, as they are often not directly connected to making money. Yet those of us who adopt a creative family lifestyle often do quite well financially. We have simply chosen to develop sources of income that do not require constant baby-sitting or personally solving other people's problem.
And we never sell hours out of our day. Sell your knowledge, for example, and you can resell it forever. Hours from your day are the stuff that life is made of, and are thus far too precious to sell to anyone.
Vacations can have a "ten countries in five days" sort of character that values quantity over quality. When you live a creative family lifestyle, your time is truly yours and it is infinite, so there is no reason to hurry anywhere.
Life is not a basket into which experiences are quickly thrown for later examination, like photographs. Life is here. Now. And we live and experience it for all that it is, now. Not all that it was or might someday be.
So remember, do not imagine a creative family lifestyle as one long vacation. It is not. It is something much more exciting and fulfilling.
Talk to you again soon,
Hugh
Adventurers In Spirit
Dear Friend,
I think that most people would not find me particularly adventurous. I don't climb mountains or bike across a continent. Often my "adventures" are more cerebral.
When I speak about adventure, I think that most people react to and perceive that word much as I typically do. They imagine physically dangerous or rigorous activities. They think adrenaline must be the primary component of adventure.
However, I'm not talking about that sort of adventure. Certainly, such activities could be quite adventurous. Unless your day job is mountain rescue or cross country transport. In which cases such activities might even become a bit routine.
Adventure in the context that I promote it is the activity of moving outside of your comfort zone for the specific purpose of pursuing your deeply held dreams. It does generally involve taking perceived risks, although those risks, like changing a job or selling everything to live on a boat in Tahiti, are often not of the life threatening type.
In fact, the biggest perceived risk for most adventurers of my ilk is a fear of ridicule or non-acceptance by our family and friends. A fear that we won't garner the permission of those around us today to strikeout and live a life that holds true meaning for us but that they may just never understand.
I make this pointed distinction in my definition of adventure because I don't want some folks who have no adrenaline addiction or desire for physical challenge to overlook my message.
There are dozens of media out there talking about the finer points of adventure sports. I am not one of those. My message is to your heart. My mission is to rekindle the "true you" that is living deep down inside of you, and to help you to refocus a life that the acceptance of adult responsibilities has turned astray. I am trying to reach all "adventurers in spirit."
I am also determined to burst false and outdated teachings that many of us accept without question. Such as the idea that adventure is for kids. And that adulthood is one long misery laden responsibility after another, followed by a "glorious" retirement that never actually arrives.
Such viewpoints affect people's attitudes toward their children, turning them into impediments to true happiness, rather than embracing them as the co-travelers on the road to discovery that they really are.
I hope that all of you adventurers in spirit will stick with me on this journey of discovery! I know that you will not be disappointed!
All the best,
Hugh
I think that most people would not find me particularly adventurous. I don't climb mountains or bike across a continent. Often my "adventures" are more cerebral.
When I speak about adventure, I think that most people react to and perceive that word much as I typically do. They imagine physically dangerous or rigorous activities. They think adrenaline must be the primary component of adventure.
However, I'm not talking about that sort of adventure. Certainly, such activities could be quite adventurous. Unless your day job is mountain rescue or cross country transport. In which cases such activities might even become a bit routine.
Adventure in the context that I promote it is the activity of moving outside of your comfort zone for the specific purpose of pursuing your deeply held dreams. It does generally involve taking perceived risks, although those risks, like changing a job or selling everything to live on a boat in Tahiti, are often not of the life threatening type.
In fact, the biggest perceived risk for most adventurers of my ilk is a fear of ridicule or non-acceptance by our family and friends. A fear that we won't garner the permission of those around us today to strikeout and live a life that holds true meaning for us but that they may just never understand.
I make this pointed distinction in my definition of adventure because I don't want some folks who have no adrenaline addiction or desire for physical challenge to overlook my message.
There are dozens of media out there talking about the finer points of adventure sports. I am not one of those. My message is to your heart. My mission is to rekindle the "true you" that is living deep down inside of you, and to help you to refocus a life that the acceptance of adult responsibilities has turned astray. I am trying to reach all "adventurers in spirit."
I am also determined to burst false and outdated teachings that many of us accept without question. Such as the idea that adventure is for kids. And that adulthood is one long misery laden responsibility after another, followed by a "glorious" retirement that never actually arrives.
Such viewpoints affect people's attitudes toward their children, turning them into impediments to true happiness, rather than embracing them as the co-travelers on the road to discovery that they really are.
I hope that all of you adventurers in spirit will stick with me on this journey of discovery! I know that you will not be disappointed!
All the best,
Hugh
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Now Get Off Your A**!
Dear Friend,
Yesterday I wrote about the importance of stillness in our lives.
Today I write about the importance of action!
Bottom line, when it comes to practical success, a predilection to action is far more important than skill, knowledge, or talent. The world is full of incredibly able people who achieve little of what is important to them. And the world is also full of people who are dumber than you, less talented than you, less skilled than you, and much richer than you.
Why is that?
In my experience, successful people shoot first and ask questions later. And the rest of the world generally gets out of their way. They know how to focus their energies and abilities at just the right moment and with just enough effort to overcome any obstacles that they may face.
There is a time for everything. There is a time for quiet stillness. And there is a time for focused action. Most people's lives are filled instead with unfocused busy work and confused laziness.
Wanna be a success in life? Get control of your mind. Learn how to be quiet and loud at the moments that best serve your purposes. And you will get what you want.
All the best,
Hugh
Yesterday I wrote about the importance of stillness in our lives.
Today I write about the importance of action!
Bottom line, when it comes to practical success, a predilection to action is far more important than skill, knowledge, or talent. The world is full of incredibly able people who achieve little of what is important to them. And the world is also full of people who are dumber than you, less talented than you, less skilled than you, and much richer than you.
Why is that?
In my experience, successful people shoot first and ask questions later. And the rest of the world generally gets out of their way. They know how to focus their energies and abilities at just the right moment and with just enough effort to overcome any obstacles that they may face.
There is a time for everything. There is a time for quiet stillness. And there is a time for focused action. Most people's lives are filled instead with unfocused busy work and confused laziness.
Wanna be a success in life? Get control of your mind. Learn how to be quiet and loud at the moments that best serve your purposes. And you will get what you want.
All the best,
Hugh
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Can You Sit Still?
Dear Friend,
"Most of man's troubles grow out of the fact that he can't be still."
I saw this quote, or something close to it, on a church sign while driving home from the store today. Of course, it got me thinking.
I believe that one of the greatest achievements that a human being can accomplish in today's world is to be able to spend an extended period of time alone, and still, without substantial external stimulation, and yet remain sane, alert, and at peace.
Our world is one addicted to outside stimulation. Our kids start from an early age with TV commercials, noisy toys, and by annoying each other. The goal seems to be to avoid empty quiet. It's almost as if we as humans begin life with the fear that if we sit in silence too long, we'll die.
What are we afraid of?
What is it about stillness and peace that terrifies us so? What do we really fear will happen if we do not receive regular jolts of noisy, chaotic stimulation?
I suspect that we are addicts to the chemical release that comes from these jolts. Perhaps we are all, to some extent, "adrenaline junkies?" Perhaps we fear going through withdrawal, which we call "boredom," if we fail to receive our regular hits of chaos?
I recall telling my kids that boredom is the greatest gift that life can give you, for it forces you to stop hiding amongst all of the stimulating noise and to actually get to know yourself a bit better.
It is in boredom that we learn to satisfy ourselves without the need for outside stimulation. And it is this ability to satisfy our own needs that provides us with the ultimate freedom in our lives - to be at peace without the need for anyone else to do anything.
To know that you can have what you need and no one else can prevent that from happening is the ultimate power rush. It is the ultimate sense of self control. When nothing can prevent you from being at peace, no one can get to you. No one else can push your buttons. You can laugh at things that terrify others.
A great deal of good can come from action. There are times when standing still is the worst thing that you can do. But there are other times when sitting in stillness is the most powerful act that you can take.
Why don't you try it sometime and see for yourself?
All the best,
Hugh
"Most of man's troubles grow out of the fact that he can't be still."
I saw this quote, or something close to it, on a church sign while driving home from the store today. Of course, it got me thinking.
I believe that one of the greatest achievements that a human being can accomplish in today's world is to be able to spend an extended period of time alone, and still, without substantial external stimulation, and yet remain sane, alert, and at peace.
Our world is one addicted to outside stimulation. Our kids start from an early age with TV commercials, noisy toys, and by annoying each other. The goal seems to be to avoid empty quiet. It's almost as if we as humans begin life with the fear that if we sit in silence too long, we'll die.
What are we afraid of?
What is it about stillness and peace that terrifies us so? What do we really fear will happen if we do not receive regular jolts of noisy, chaotic stimulation?
I suspect that we are addicts to the chemical release that comes from these jolts. Perhaps we are all, to some extent, "adrenaline junkies?" Perhaps we fear going through withdrawal, which we call "boredom," if we fail to receive our regular hits of chaos?
I recall telling my kids that boredom is the greatest gift that life can give you, for it forces you to stop hiding amongst all of the stimulating noise and to actually get to know yourself a bit better.
It is in boredom that we learn to satisfy ourselves without the need for outside stimulation. And it is this ability to satisfy our own needs that provides us with the ultimate freedom in our lives - to be at peace without the need for anyone else to do anything.
To know that you can have what you need and no one else can prevent that from happening is the ultimate power rush. It is the ultimate sense of self control. When nothing can prevent you from being at peace, no one can get to you. No one else can push your buttons. You can laugh at things that terrify others.
A great deal of good can come from action. There are times when standing still is the worst thing that you can do. But there are other times when sitting in stillness is the most powerful act that you can take.
Why don't you try it sometime and see for yourself?
All the best,
Hugh
Monday, July 13, 2009
Looking for Love?
Dear Friend,
As a parent, I sometimes think about what kind of advice I will give my kids when they begin dating, and looking for a special someone in their lives.
Of course, my children are still young. Nevertheless, you're talking to the guy who was checking out private school options in my community years before I got married. I wasn't in a hurry to have kids, mind you. I just like to be prepared.
One of the thoughts that I had recently along these lines was that people really have no business getting into a serious relationship with somebody until they already have secured a successful relationship with themselves.
I know that in my marriage things have not always gone smoothly. And my wife and I have responded proactively with marriage counseling on and off for over eight years.
The biggest thing that I learned from this counseling was that, although I generally went into it with the idea that something was wrong with her and that she needed to change, I always came out of these sessions realizing that the real problems lay inside of me. Unresolved issues. Fears that I had never faced. Or just the fact that I really did not understand myself as well as I thought that I did. Couples counseling always morphed into individual counseling. And we both grew up a lot as a result.
Ultimately I have come to believe that the greatest and most important relationship that you must cultivate during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. Only when you are comfortable with the whole of who you are can you have a truly powerful and lasting relationship with another.
So when my kids get ready to get serious about someone, I'm going to advise them that any baggage that they carry today will just come back to haunt them later in their new relationship.
Wanna meet a great guy or gal? Sure, clean yourself up. Get buff. Dress sharply. But if you really want to get in shape for the dating scene, learn to love you. Accept yourself fully. Deal with your baggage so that your new loved one won't have to. It's the greatest gift that you will ever give to them. And to you.
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
As a parent, I sometimes think about what kind of advice I will give my kids when they begin dating, and looking for a special someone in their lives.
Of course, my children are still young. Nevertheless, you're talking to the guy who was checking out private school options in my community years before I got married. I wasn't in a hurry to have kids, mind you. I just like to be prepared.
One of the thoughts that I had recently along these lines was that people really have no business getting into a serious relationship with somebody until they already have secured a successful relationship with themselves.
I know that in my marriage things have not always gone smoothly. And my wife and I have responded proactively with marriage counseling on and off for over eight years.
The biggest thing that I learned from this counseling was that, although I generally went into it with the idea that something was wrong with her and that she needed to change, I always came out of these sessions realizing that the real problems lay inside of me. Unresolved issues. Fears that I had never faced. Or just the fact that I really did not understand myself as well as I thought that I did. Couples counseling always morphed into individual counseling. And we both grew up a lot as a result.
Ultimately I have come to believe that the greatest and most important relationship that you must cultivate during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. Only when you are comfortable with the whole of who you are can you have a truly powerful and lasting relationship with another.
So when my kids get ready to get serious about someone, I'm going to advise them that any baggage that they carry today will just come back to haunt them later in their new relationship.
Wanna meet a great guy or gal? Sure, clean yourself up. Get buff. Dress sharply. But if you really want to get in shape for the dating scene, learn to love you. Accept yourself fully. Deal with your baggage so that your new loved one won't have to. It's the greatest gift that you will ever give to them. And to you.
Talk to you soon,
Hugh
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Pre-Trip Jitters
Dear Friend,
I got a nice note today from Stuart Wickes of the Family Adventure Project (http://familyadventureproject.blogspot.com).
Stuart was commenting on my last post about pre-trip anxiety. I guess that's why I have a headache tonight after being out all day tying up loose ends before we shove off!
I was reading Stuart's blog and I loved a list that he had made of the mindset necessary for a happy family journey. I agree with him completely on this, and (with your kind indulgence, Stuart) have repeated his list verbatim below:
1 Positive attitude(!)
2 Patience and flexibility.
3 Determination (but only if you really want to get there)
4 Imagination (to overcome whatever obstacles you encounter)
5 Good route choices (safe, quiet= enjoyable, past interesting things to stop at)
6 Clear goals everyday (that everyone’s on board with)
7 Keep everyone looking ahead (things to look forward to: today, in a few days, this week, next)
8 Well managed expectations (about hills, hard days, easy days, when to stop, where to stay)
9 Staying open to unexpected (even if it slows you down or takes you off route)
10 Accommodating everyone's needs (the hardest but probably most important)
Would you add anything else? What do you think?
Please give me (and Stuart) your thoughts!
All the best,
Hugh
I got a nice note today from Stuart Wickes of the Family Adventure Project (http://familyadventureproject.blogspot.com).
Stuart was commenting on my last post about pre-trip anxiety. I guess that's why I have a headache tonight after being out all day tying up loose ends before we shove off!
I was reading Stuart's blog and I loved a list that he had made of the mindset necessary for a happy family journey. I agree with him completely on this, and (with your kind indulgence, Stuart) have repeated his list verbatim below:
1 Positive attitude(!)
2 Patience and flexibility.
3 Determination (but only if you really want to get there)
4 Imagination (to overcome whatever obstacles you encounter)
5 Good route choices (safe, quiet= enjoyable, past interesting things to stop at)
6 Clear goals everyday (that everyone’s on board with)
7 Keep everyone looking ahead (things to look forward to: today, in a few days, this week, next)
8 Well managed expectations (about hills, hard days, easy days, when to stop, where to stay)
9 Staying open to unexpected (even if it slows you down or takes you off route)
10 Accommodating everyone's needs (the hardest but probably most important)
Would you add anything else? What do you think?
Please give me (and Stuart) your thoughts!
All the best,
Hugh
Nothing
Dear Friend,
I find myself too tired to blog this evening.
I have spent hours researching washers and dryers for our new RV, and I have discovered that I really do not want to be a market expert on compact washers and dryers when I grow up. I just want a great washer and a dryer that will work with the limited power environment of an RV (electric or gas).
I have also spent hours trying to find a replacement power cord for my oldest daughters new netbook PC. As a result of this research I have discovered that her little netbook has a weird and rare power plug, and that her model number must have been such a short production run that no one seems to know that any were made!
Aahhhhh! Too much work for a guy like me! Especially when I don't really have satisfactory answers to my questions.
So I have decided to just chill out and skip my usual blogging.
Then again, I think that I just wrote my blog. Oh my.
I just can't help myself I guess.
And to you aspiring writers out there, take note. Writing, like life, is what happens while you are planning other things.
Don't think about your writing, just write! If I thought about my writing before I started typing, nothing would ever be written. And I know this from many years of getting nothing written.
So there!
Have a great day and all the best,
Hugh
I find myself too tired to blog this evening.
I have spent hours researching washers and dryers for our new RV, and I have discovered that I really do not want to be a market expert on compact washers and dryers when I grow up. I just want a great washer and a dryer that will work with the limited power environment of an RV (electric or gas).
I have also spent hours trying to find a replacement power cord for my oldest daughters new netbook PC. As a result of this research I have discovered that her little netbook has a weird and rare power plug, and that her model number must have been such a short production run that no one seems to know that any were made!
Aahhhhh! Too much work for a guy like me! Especially when I don't really have satisfactory answers to my questions.
So I have decided to just chill out and skip my usual blogging.
Then again, I think that I just wrote my blog. Oh my.
I just can't help myself I guess.
And to you aspiring writers out there, take note. Writing, like life, is what happens while you are planning other things.
Don't think about your writing, just write! If I thought about my writing before I started typing, nothing would ever be written. And I know this from many years of getting nothing written.
So there!
Have a great day and all the best,
Hugh
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
"Educating" Teens
Dear Friend,
My wife and I were talking today about our oldest child, who is almost eleven years old.
He is a very bright, compassionate, and mature young man, and he has been a great help to us with chores and in dealing with the younger kids. But he is getting quite bored, maybe even burned out, at school.
And we've been wondering what to do about his education after the sixth grade. You see, his Montessori school only goes up to the sixth grade.
In the philosophy of Dr. Maria Montessori, who founded the Montessori educational program, a young person should have learned all of the basic knowledge they need to begin their life in the world by the end of sixth grade. I know that this sounds strange to public school-trained ears such as mine, but she felt, and I have become convinced that she is correct, that a great deal of what is taught in traditional schools after that time is just filler, designed to keep kids busy until they are mature enough to attend college or to get a full-time job.
Her idea of a proper middle school was more of a social experience, where kids might work together to build a business, for example. They would build social skills at a time when social interaction was becoming a big deal in their lives. They would learn how to work with their peers on tangible projects toward meaningful ends, instead of cramming theoretical information into their brains in order to pass the next test.
They would also learn the practical skills that they would need to live on their own. How to make money, for example. Or how to balance finances. Or how to wash and fold their clothes. You know, real stuff.
They were expected to have already learned how to learn. Any additional information that they required in their lives was available when they needed it. They would just need to look it up.
The problem that my wife and I face as parents is that we live in a world where education is built around the test. Schools cram information into kids, and encourage them to learn good test taking skills. Essentially, schools seem designed to produce good students, not successful individuals who will live and work in a predominantly non-academic world.
There are practically no formal schools at the middle school level and above that follow Dr.
Montessori's ideas, though many academics praise those ideas.
Our son can be homeschooled, of course. But that's not the problem. What he needs are more complex social experiences. Yes, even at his age.
We would never push our son into doing anything that he is not comfortable with. And he certainly knows how to speak up for himself. But at some point, I think that he needs to journey out with other young people and discover the world. All kids do. And, hopefully, they'll discover the better part of themselves in the process.
I know that some young people have the opportunity to do this sort of journeying through their church or other religious institutions, in the form of "mission trips."
"Mission trips" are often group trips to poor, third world environments where the kids, with adult supervision, can live together and work for a period of time to make a difference in the lives of less fortunate people who really need it. This sort of experience exposes young people to a world they would probably never otherwise see, and it teaches them that their personal efforts really can make a difference. It is also a bonding and maturing experience for all involved.
I would be glad to be a part of such an effort. But I want my kids to also have such experiences when neither mom or dad are around. That is when real maturation occurs, in my opinion.
So, that's what we talked about today. Once again, I am curious what you think.
If you have or had children of this age or older, what are/were your views on the best experiences that they can be exposed to? What really is education for a teen? Is sitting in a classroom listening to lectures the best way for teens to spend their day? Or is it just the easiest way to control them while we run around trying to make a buck or two every weekday?
I am really interested in what you think. I look forward to your comments. And thank you for your interest and contributions!
All the best,
Hugh
My wife and I were talking today about our oldest child, who is almost eleven years old.
He is a very bright, compassionate, and mature young man, and he has been a great help to us with chores and in dealing with the younger kids. But he is getting quite bored, maybe even burned out, at school.
And we've been wondering what to do about his education after the sixth grade. You see, his Montessori school only goes up to the sixth grade.
In the philosophy of Dr. Maria Montessori, who founded the Montessori educational program, a young person should have learned all of the basic knowledge they need to begin their life in the world by the end of sixth grade. I know that this sounds strange to public school-trained ears such as mine, but she felt, and I have become convinced that she is correct, that a great deal of what is taught in traditional schools after that time is just filler, designed to keep kids busy until they are mature enough to attend college or to get a full-time job.
Her idea of a proper middle school was more of a social experience, where kids might work together to build a business, for example. They would build social skills at a time when social interaction was becoming a big deal in their lives. They would learn how to work with their peers on tangible projects toward meaningful ends, instead of cramming theoretical information into their brains in order to pass the next test.
They would also learn the practical skills that they would need to live on their own. How to make money, for example. Or how to balance finances. Or how to wash and fold their clothes. You know, real stuff.
They were expected to have already learned how to learn. Any additional information that they required in their lives was available when they needed it. They would just need to look it up.
The problem that my wife and I face as parents is that we live in a world where education is built around the test. Schools cram information into kids, and encourage them to learn good test taking skills. Essentially, schools seem designed to produce good students, not successful individuals who will live and work in a predominantly non-academic world.
There are practically no formal schools at the middle school level and above that follow Dr.
Montessori's ideas, though many academics praise those ideas.
Our son can be homeschooled, of course. But that's not the problem. What he needs are more complex social experiences. Yes, even at his age.
We would never push our son into doing anything that he is not comfortable with. And he certainly knows how to speak up for himself. But at some point, I think that he needs to journey out with other young people and discover the world. All kids do. And, hopefully, they'll discover the better part of themselves in the process.
I know that some young people have the opportunity to do this sort of journeying through their church or other religious institutions, in the form of "mission trips."
"Mission trips" are often group trips to poor, third world environments where the kids, with adult supervision, can live together and work for a period of time to make a difference in the lives of less fortunate people who really need it. This sort of experience exposes young people to a world they would probably never otherwise see, and it teaches them that their personal efforts really can make a difference. It is also a bonding and maturing experience for all involved.
I would be glad to be a part of such an effort. But I want my kids to also have such experiences when neither mom or dad are around. That is when real maturation occurs, in my opinion.
So, that's what we talked about today. Once again, I am curious what you think.
If you have or had children of this age or older, what are/were your views on the best experiences that they can be exposed to? What really is education for a teen? Is sitting in a classroom listening to lectures the best way for teens to spend their day? Or is it just the easiest way to control them while we run around trying to make a buck or two every weekday?
I am really interested in what you think. I look forward to your comments. And thank you for your interest and contributions!
All the best,
Hugh
Monday, July 6, 2009
Computers and Kids
Dear Friend,
Help!
I have a bit of a conumdrum and I'm not finding much helpful material about it on the web or from folks I talk to, so I thought that I would bounce it off of you and see what you thought.
You see, my kids love computers. I mean, they really love computers. If we'd let them they'd do nothing else but sit on 'puters all day.
Just when I think that these computers are just a substitute for last generation's TV addiction, I listen in on what they are up to. And I am impressed.
My oldest is recruiting and organizing others into groups to achieve a task. My other kids are creating virtual worlds and taking care of virtual pets. The creative activities they engage in are really terrific. Mostly.
My kids are very physically active and would rather run around that be involved in sedentary activities, so I'm not worried about them becoming overweight "couch potatoes." So what, exactly, am I worried about?
I think that the problem is that my wife and I do not know how much is too much. And when we look for guidance there seems to be two camps - or one, really.
The camp of the academic purists, as I call them, basically think that computers are just aggrandized televisions, and that we'd all be better off without them. I notice, however, a distinct generational slant in these folks, with most being too old to have experienced computers in any but an adult professional environment.
The other camp is no camp at all. It is made up of those parents who simply put some random restriction on computer time and content usage, or simply put no restriction at all.
The first camp has reams of data to support their position. All of it written by old dudes from the pre-computer generation.
The second camp has no documentary support at all.
My instinct is to observe each of my children, see how they react to their interaction with technology, and then to meter their exposure based on that reaction. I also always want to see my kids involved in a variety of activities that involve physical activity, different types of challenges and stimuli, and basically incorporate variety in their daily life.
But then there are four of them and it can be tough to work all day and do all the other things that we adults need to do every day and at the same time be closely monitor how many minutes/hours each child has spent each day in each activity. And the computer monitoring software that I have tried just doesn't hold up well - it's too rigid or just hasn't worked well.
In fact, just thinking about manually keeping track of all that they do everyday makes me dizzy. Sometimes watching them run around in circles makes me dizzy too!
I'm sure I will hear from you the same kinds of things that I have read. But I am asking you for your thoughts in the hope that some of your responses will help me and my wife to do what is best by my children.
And maybe you'll be helping other readers out there with the same issue.
Thanks so much for your thoughts! I look forward to reading them!
All the best,
Hugh
Help!
I have a bit of a conumdrum and I'm not finding much helpful material about it on the web or from folks I talk to, so I thought that I would bounce it off of you and see what you thought.
You see, my kids love computers. I mean, they really love computers. If we'd let them they'd do nothing else but sit on 'puters all day.
Just when I think that these computers are just a substitute for last generation's TV addiction, I listen in on what they are up to. And I am impressed.
My oldest is recruiting and organizing others into groups to achieve a task. My other kids are creating virtual worlds and taking care of virtual pets. The creative activities they engage in are really terrific. Mostly.
My kids are very physically active and would rather run around that be involved in sedentary activities, so I'm not worried about them becoming overweight "couch potatoes." So what, exactly, am I worried about?
I think that the problem is that my wife and I do not know how much is too much. And when we look for guidance there seems to be two camps - or one, really.
The camp of the academic purists, as I call them, basically think that computers are just aggrandized televisions, and that we'd all be better off without them. I notice, however, a distinct generational slant in these folks, with most being too old to have experienced computers in any but an adult professional environment.
The other camp is no camp at all. It is made up of those parents who simply put some random restriction on computer time and content usage, or simply put no restriction at all.
The first camp has reams of data to support their position. All of it written by old dudes from the pre-computer generation.
The second camp has no documentary support at all.
My instinct is to observe each of my children, see how they react to their interaction with technology, and then to meter their exposure based on that reaction. I also always want to see my kids involved in a variety of activities that involve physical activity, different types of challenges and stimuli, and basically incorporate variety in their daily life.
But then there are four of them and it can be tough to work all day and do all the other things that we adults need to do every day and at the same time be closely monitor how many minutes/hours each child has spent each day in each activity. And the computer monitoring software that I have tried just doesn't hold up well - it's too rigid or just hasn't worked well.
In fact, just thinking about manually keeping track of all that they do everyday makes me dizzy. Sometimes watching them run around in circles makes me dizzy too!
I'm sure I will hear from you the same kinds of things that I have read. But I am asking you for your thoughts in the hope that some of your responses will help me and my wife to do what is best by my children.
And maybe you'll be helping other readers out there with the same issue.
Thanks so much for your thoughts! I look forward to reading them!
All the best,
Hugh
Sunday, July 5, 2009
How Strong is Your Rope?
Dear Friend,
If you are a regular reader of this blog then you know that my family is in the process of transforming our lifestyle from a more conventional and ordinary form to a creative lifestyle that conforms more closely to our dreams.
Although this process of transformation has been fun, it can also be stressful at times. And conflicts do arise.
In my opinion, the process of creative family lifestyle design doesn't really create conflict as much as it can uncover previously unacknowledged conflicts and force you to deal with them.
Many of us have issues with loved ones that go unresolved simply because it is easier to ignore them than to deal with them while we are following a busy lifestyle. Now I'm not suggesting that you should intentionally dig up all of these conflicts. However, if there are issues in your family that are likely to raise their ugly heads while you are also undergoing a lot of other stress in your life, the combined stress may be too much to bear. In such a case addressing these issues in advance may save a lot of unnecessary pain later.
In thinking about the stresses that my own relationships have undergone, it became obvious to me that such stress can be beneficial to relationships in the long run.
You know the old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, I've come to believe that without tough times, relationships never mature. If you've never really experienced true stress together with your partner, then I believe you can't know for sure how strong your relationship is.
How strong is a rope? There may be a rating from a manufacturer, but only by using that rope, and stressing it, can we know for sure what it can handle. And it's better to know such answers early on in relatively safe situations where you have some control over the circumstances than later when some truly serious issue arises.
What is true for an ordinary rope is also true in relationships. Unfortunately, relationships don't come pre-labeled as to their strength and fortitude. I propose that in any important relationship, the participants need to find themselves, at least once, seriously questioning whether they should end that relationship. This sounds harsh, but it is only at this point that you can know for sure what is going on deep inside of your heart.
If a relationship is never tested under fire, I believe that relationship could be more likely to ultimately fail. Strong steel is forged in a hot fire. Strong relationships are forged, and weak relationships fail, as a result of meaningful conflict.
No one goes looking for conflict or negative stress. Certainly not me. And I have found that beginning the process of pursuing my dreams has been relatively stress free, despite all of the changes that we have brought to our lives.
Today my family are living our lives, not just enduring them. We are no longer paying dues. Instead, we are enjoying the ride.
No, we are not being irresponsible. Instead, we are simply aware that life is a finite existence, and now is the best time to live it, not later.
When conflict does arise amongst us, it gives me a greater sense of peace while amidst this negative energy knowing that our strong relationships will come out of that conflict even stronger than before. I don't fear that all will fall apart. And the absence of that fear makes conflict resolution much easier.
So the next time you find yourself in a heated confrontation with a loved one, remember - you are in the process of forging your relationship into a bond greater than steel.
Respect your partner, and require equal respect for yourself. Resolve issues as best you can and then reassure him or her that your shared love is all that really matters anyway.
I wish you the best of luck in all that you do.
Best regards,
Hugh
If you are a regular reader of this blog then you know that my family is in the process of transforming our lifestyle from a more conventional and ordinary form to a creative lifestyle that conforms more closely to our dreams.
Although this process of transformation has been fun, it can also be stressful at times. And conflicts do arise.
In my opinion, the process of creative family lifestyle design doesn't really create conflict as much as it can uncover previously unacknowledged conflicts and force you to deal with them.
Many of us have issues with loved ones that go unresolved simply because it is easier to ignore them than to deal with them while we are following a busy lifestyle. Now I'm not suggesting that you should intentionally dig up all of these conflicts. However, if there are issues in your family that are likely to raise their ugly heads while you are also undergoing a lot of other stress in your life, the combined stress may be too much to bear. In such a case addressing these issues in advance may save a lot of unnecessary pain later.
In thinking about the stresses that my own relationships have undergone, it became obvious to me that such stress can be beneficial to relationships in the long run.
You know the old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, I've come to believe that without tough times, relationships never mature. If you've never really experienced true stress together with your partner, then I believe you can't know for sure how strong your relationship is.
How strong is a rope? There may be a rating from a manufacturer, but only by using that rope, and stressing it, can we know for sure what it can handle. And it's better to know such answers early on in relatively safe situations where you have some control over the circumstances than later when some truly serious issue arises.
What is true for an ordinary rope is also true in relationships. Unfortunately, relationships don't come pre-labeled as to their strength and fortitude. I propose that in any important relationship, the participants need to find themselves, at least once, seriously questioning whether they should end that relationship. This sounds harsh, but it is only at this point that you can know for sure what is going on deep inside of your heart.
If a relationship is never tested under fire, I believe that relationship could be more likely to ultimately fail. Strong steel is forged in a hot fire. Strong relationships are forged, and weak relationships fail, as a result of meaningful conflict.
No one goes looking for conflict or negative stress. Certainly not me. And I have found that beginning the process of pursuing my dreams has been relatively stress free, despite all of the changes that we have brought to our lives.
Today my family are living our lives, not just enduring them. We are no longer paying dues. Instead, we are enjoying the ride.
No, we are not being irresponsible. Instead, we are simply aware that life is a finite existence, and now is the best time to live it, not later.
When conflict does arise amongst us, it gives me a greater sense of peace while amidst this negative energy knowing that our strong relationships will come out of that conflict even stronger than before. I don't fear that all will fall apart. And the absence of that fear makes conflict resolution much easier.
So the next time you find yourself in a heated confrontation with a loved one, remember - you are in the process of forging your relationship into a bond greater than steel.
Respect your partner, and require equal respect for yourself. Resolve issues as best you can and then reassure him or her that your shared love is all that really matters anyway.
I wish you the best of luck in all that you do.
Best regards,
Hugh
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Captain of the Bayou
Dear Friend,
The Road Warrior crew is resting comfortably at home while we re-provision for our next excursion.
In the mean time, I thought that I would share with you a story of an experience we had in the bayous of southern Louisiana last weekend.
While visiting New Orleans, we thought that it would be interesting to take a bayou tour of the swamps and wetlands of lower Louisiana. We joined a group of folks aboard a small boat captained by a lifelong bayou native, with a unique Louisiana accent that sounded to my ears like a marriage between the deep South and northern New Jersey.
The bayou boat tour was great. It rained while we were out, and I had not seen such intense downpours since my days in the Costa Rican jungle. The weather was hot and humid but the rain felt like I was taking a warm shower.
My kids handled a gator the captain scooped out of the bayou, and a small snake made a new home in one of my kid's long hair (we finally got it out, to the disappointment of all of the yung 'uns).
If you didn't know (and I didn't), a bayou is a natural waterway or inlet that generally contains brackish water and is surrounded by wetlands of various types. Bayous are the remnants of ancient river bends that have been cut off from the main river channel by the constant shifts in the river's course. The word "bayou" derives from an American Indian word that had its pronunciation distorted somewhat by the Acadians (now called Cajuns) when they arrived in Louisiana from Atlantic Canada long ago.
Despite these unique experiences, what struck me the most about this excursion was not the beautiful natural surroundings, but rather the boat captain himself.
This man fit the bill of what I like to call call a "marsh dweller," Where my family is from is full of low salt marsh areas, and the people who live back in these harsh environments always came off to me as tough, harsh at times, extremely independent, often loud, occasionally braggarts, tellers of "tall tails," yet in matters that count honest to a fault and the salt of the Earth in character.
These marsh folks often seem to be people who put you off at first, even perhaps bowl you over a bit with their loud manners and their rough appearance. But, once you spend a bit of time among them, and show them some basic human respect, they inevitably treat you like close family. And their honesty about themselves and the world around them is so refreshing that I find myself not wanting to leave their presence - except that I would have to endure more loud, tall tails.
This Louisiana boat captain was one of these familiar marshy folks. So in a way I felt at home.
While on our bayou tour captain told us a story about the alarming loss of wetlands all over southern Louisiana.
Apparently, one of the many benefits of coastal wetlands is the role that they play in lessening the impact of hurricanes before these storms reach major coastal population centers. The most common cause of coastal hurricane damage is the "storm surge," or wall of water that these storms push ahead of them as they approach a coastline. An extensive coastal wetland buffer can knock down the height and force of these surges substantially. When the coastal buffer is lost, coastal cities lie open to destruction from the sea.
Our captain told us a story about a group of Dutch scientists and engineers that were invited to the US a few years back as consultants to the US Army Corps of Engineers. Their job was to advise the Corps on how it might stem the loss of these wetlands. These folks were in the States for two weeks, and had the occasion to take a bayou tour with our captain during their visit.
Apparently in the two weeks they were in Louisiana these Dutch folks constructed a simple demonstration system that pumped river water from the Mississippi river into the bayous, effectively proving that wetlands could be reconstructed in a relatively simple and inexpensive manner, reversing the wetland losses that had so devastated the coastline to date.
The captain explained to us that the Mississippi River used to naturally overflow its banks into the bayous all the time, dumping silt laden waters into these slow moving waterways, where it served to build up the wetlands and counter the effects of tide and erosion.
However, since the Corps earlier efforts to control regional flooding by building an extensive system of dikes, called "levees," the waters and their precious silt content were being channeled directly into the sea, dumping this silt into the ship channels at the mouth of the Mississippi. The Corps apparently then dredges the silt from the ship channels and dumps it farther out to sea.
At the time our captain was excited to hear about the efforts of these Dutch engineers. Holland is a very low country surrounded by a system of dikes, so Dutch know-how in this area is renowned worldwide. However, our captain was far from impressed by the news that, once these engineers had demonstrated their cheap and simple solution to a problem that the Corps had been unsuccessfully struggling with for decades, these Dutchmen and women were promptly sent home, and their experiment was canceled.
Our captain was convinced that somebody at the Corps was afraid of looking bad, or of being shown up by "foreigners," or whatever. He said that he was so upset by how things were being handled in the bayous and wetlands these days that he and his wife had already picked out the town in Montana that they will move to as soon as he gets ticked off enough to just chuck it all.
From my life experience, this man's story rings true. But of course we will likely never know about many simple solutions to expensive, complex problems for the same reasons.
Anyway, I enjoyed this man's story, and I particularly enjoyed the passion and obvious expertise that this otherwise simple sounding man clearly displayed.
I am a well educated man. I suspect that this boat captain may not have even finished high school. But in the matters that he was discussing, I would weigh his opinion over many a doctorate holder.
I learned long ago not to judge a person's intelligence from his or her appearance or speech patterns. I have met many stupid people who were wearing nice suits and a surprising number of apparent geniuses in dirty T-shirts driving in rusty pickups.
Anyway, that's my story from the bayous. I thought it worth repeating. I hope that you have a chance to visit this beautiful and fascinating part of the world sometime too.
All the best,
Hugh
The Road Warrior crew is resting comfortably at home while we re-provision for our next excursion.
In the mean time, I thought that I would share with you a story of an experience we had in the bayous of southern Louisiana last weekend.
While visiting New Orleans, we thought that it would be interesting to take a bayou tour of the swamps and wetlands of lower Louisiana. We joined a group of folks aboard a small boat captained by a lifelong bayou native, with a unique Louisiana accent that sounded to my ears like a marriage between the deep South and northern New Jersey.
The bayou boat tour was great. It rained while we were out, and I had not seen such intense downpours since my days in the Costa Rican jungle. The weather was hot and humid but the rain felt like I was taking a warm shower.
My kids handled a gator the captain scooped out of the bayou, and a small snake made a new home in one of my kid's long hair (we finally got it out, to the disappointment of all of the yung 'uns).
If you didn't know (and I didn't), a bayou is a natural waterway or inlet that generally contains brackish water and is surrounded by wetlands of various types. Bayous are the remnants of ancient river bends that have been cut off from the main river channel by the constant shifts in the river's course. The word "bayou" derives from an American Indian word that had its pronunciation distorted somewhat by the Acadians (now called Cajuns) when they arrived in Louisiana from Atlantic Canada long ago.
Despite these unique experiences, what struck me the most about this excursion was not the beautiful natural surroundings, but rather the boat captain himself.
This man fit the bill of what I like to call call a "marsh dweller," Where my family is from is full of low salt marsh areas, and the people who live back in these harsh environments always came off to me as tough, harsh at times, extremely independent, often loud, occasionally braggarts, tellers of "tall tails," yet in matters that count honest to a fault and the salt of the Earth in character.
These marsh folks often seem to be people who put you off at first, even perhaps bowl you over a bit with their loud manners and their rough appearance. But, once you spend a bit of time among them, and show them some basic human respect, they inevitably treat you like close family. And their honesty about themselves and the world around them is so refreshing that I find myself not wanting to leave their presence - except that I would have to endure more loud, tall tails.
This Louisiana boat captain was one of these familiar marshy folks. So in a way I felt at home.
While on our bayou tour captain told us a story about the alarming loss of wetlands all over southern Louisiana.
Apparently, one of the many benefits of coastal wetlands is the role that they play in lessening the impact of hurricanes before these storms reach major coastal population centers. The most common cause of coastal hurricane damage is the "storm surge," or wall of water that these storms push ahead of them as they approach a coastline. An extensive coastal wetland buffer can knock down the height and force of these surges substantially. When the coastal buffer is lost, coastal cities lie open to destruction from the sea.
Our captain told us a story about a group of Dutch scientists and engineers that were invited to the US a few years back as consultants to the US Army Corps of Engineers. Their job was to advise the Corps on how it might stem the loss of these wetlands. These folks were in the States for two weeks, and had the occasion to take a bayou tour with our captain during their visit.
Apparently in the two weeks they were in Louisiana these Dutch folks constructed a simple demonstration system that pumped river water from the Mississippi river into the bayous, effectively proving that wetlands could be reconstructed in a relatively simple and inexpensive manner, reversing the wetland losses that had so devastated the coastline to date.
The captain explained to us that the Mississippi River used to naturally overflow its banks into the bayous all the time, dumping silt laden waters into these slow moving waterways, where it served to build up the wetlands and counter the effects of tide and erosion.
However, since the Corps earlier efforts to control regional flooding by building an extensive system of dikes, called "levees," the waters and their precious silt content were being channeled directly into the sea, dumping this silt into the ship channels at the mouth of the Mississippi. The Corps apparently then dredges the silt from the ship channels and dumps it farther out to sea.
At the time our captain was excited to hear about the efforts of these Dutch engineers. Holland is a very low country surrounded by a system of dikes, so Dutch know-how in this area is renowned worldwide. However, our captain was far from impressed by the news that, once these engineers had demonstrated their cheap and simple solution to a problem that the Corps had been unsuccessfully struggling with for decades, these Dutchmen and women were promptly sent home, and their experiment was canceled.
Our captain was convinced that somebody at the Corps was afraid of looking bad, or of being shown up by "foreigners," or whatever. He said that he was so upset by how things were being handled in the bayous and wetlands these days that he and his wife had already picked out the town in Montana that they will move to as soon as he gets ticked off enough to just chuck it all.
From my life experience, this man's story rings true. But of course we will likely never know about many simple solutions to expensive, complex problems for the same reasons.
Anyway, I enjoyed this man's story, and I particularly enjoyed the passion and obvious expertise that this otherwise simple sounding man clearly displayed.
I am a well educated man. I suspect that this boat captain may not have even finished high school. But in the matters that he was discussing, I would weigh his opinion over many a doctorate holder.
I learned long ago not to judge a person's intelligence from his or her appearance or speech patterns. I have met many stupid people who were wearing nice suits and a surprising number of apparent geniuses in dirty T-shirts driving in rusty pickups.
Anyway, that's my story from the bayous. I thought it worth repeating. I hope that you have a chance to visit this beautiful and fascinating part of the world sometime too.
All the best,
Hugh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
