Dear Friend,
Everyday, all around me, in faces, voices, and even in print, I see fear. People, many people, are afraid. They fear the apparent chaos of change in the world. They fear terrorist attack, or cancer, or "Frankenfood", or a thousand other things. In their own life, they fear making changes they know that they should make. They imagine a thousand deaths in a thousand different ways.
Some of these fears are reasonable. With the world financial markets recently wiping out 40% of the world's wealth in an instant, older folks on fixed incomes quite possibly face disaster. These are not lazy people. These are people who followed the rules all of their life. They saved and scrimped for decades. They even sacrificed their health, and probably a lot of happiness as well, to prepare for an old age of comfort and at least a little repose. To see all of that wiped out in an instant implies the possibility that there is nowhere to hide. And that the rules no longer apply. Some folks might even give up on following the rules altogether, and cheat, or steal. It's a dangerous time to be alive, in some ways.
Some folks blame the politicians. This is probably a good place to start. Unfortunately, they generally blame the "other guy's" politicians. They still think that they can win at the game of politics, a zero-sum game, if their side wins. Just observe the fear in the words of so many political and news junkies. You can feel the hate and the corrosive energy from some of these poor folks.
Most times are dangerous times to be alive. Drunk driving can kill any one of us tomorrow. Or slipping in the shower. And these causes are much more likely to hurt us than most of the bug-a-boos that we hear about on the nightly news. But they aren't sexy. They don't sell soap or beer. So on TV we hear about more exotic threats to our existence.
I am an optimist about our future. In fact, I am incredibly excited. And I am not in denial. I believe that a simple review of the forces that are forming our future requires such excitement. We are on the verge of a fantastic world where most of the worries that we carry today will become meaningless.
If you want to join me in this attitude, you need start with your own fear. You have it. You carry it like a disease. And it eats into your character like an acid that destroys your ability to live your life the way you were meant to live it.
Decide to reject fear. Just live. Do what you must do, and do not fear the consequences. Respect your fellow creatures. Treat them with kindness and compassion at all times. But do not temper your life out of fear of upsetting others. Do not hold back on living because of threats known and unknown. Use common sense. Avoid unnecessary risk. Then live your life, your way. This is the only way that anyone can truly live and be happy.
I wish you a fearless life. And a fulfilled one.
All the best,
Hugh
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Why Do We Choke?
Dear Friend,
We have all experienced this. We have prepared like crazy. We are ready for the big moment (we think). Then when it arrives, we fumble and screw up. We choke. Why? And what can we do to avoid this problem?
Apparently, when we have practiced something thoroughly, the subconscious part of our brain turns this activity into an automatic one. So when, at the moment of performance, we over-try by thinking too much about our performance, we actually trip up these subconscious skills, and get in our own way.
And it seems that slowing down and taking your time is a mistake. When an action is well practiced it is much better to just jump in and do it. If you slow down you are switching gears to your conscious mind, and that's what will screw you up.
So, if you don't want to choke, cut off your preparation some time prior to your key moment of performance, even if you aren't sure you've got everything down (you never will). After that cut off point focus on the big ideas and thoughts. Particularly the first one you will talk about. Then just talk, and stop thinking consciously. Let yourself go and enjoy the moment. It can be fun to get off your chest what you have been studying for so long. So let it go.
Once you get started, it's really too late for the choke to kick in. You'll hit your stride and you may not want to stop!
Don't worry about choking. Just jump in and go! You'll know what to do. Trust me!
All the best,
Hugh
We have all experienced this. We have prepared like crazy. We are ready for the big moment (we think). Then when it arrives, we fumble and screw up. We choke. Why? And what can we do to avoid this problem?
Apparently, when we have practiced something thoroughly, the subconscious part of our brain turns this activity into an automatic one. So when, at the moment of performance, we over-try by thinking too much about our performance, we actually trip up these subconscious skills, and get in our own way.
And it seems that slowing down and taking your time is a mistake. When an action is well practiced it is much better to just jump in and do it. If you slow down you are switching gears to your conscious mind, and that's what will screw you up.
So, if you don't want to choke, cut off your preparation some time prior to your key moment of performance, even if you aren't sure you've got everything down (you never will). After that cut off point focus on the big ideas and thoughts. Particularly the first one you will talk about. Then just talk, and stop thinking consciously. Let yourself go and enjoy the moment. It can be fun to get off your chest what you have been studying for so long. So let it go.
Once you get started, it's really too late for the choke to kick in. You'll hit your stride and you may not want to stop!
Don't worry about choking. Just jump in and go! You'll know what to do. Trust me!
All the best,
Hugh
Surrender
Dear Friend,
I am a driven person. I don't know about you, but once I see a direction that I know I need to go it can drive me for decades without waver. This surprises me sometimes. I imagine myself as less steadfast, more wishy-washy than that. Yet when I look back over time, and particularly when I look at some of my older writings, I am surprised at just how consistent they are with what I write today.
Being driven to achieve what you want is a good thing. But it can also make you unconsciously resistant to the state of how things are. I mean, you aren't "there"yet, so don't relax, keep going - that kind of resistance to the moment, to the way things are right now.
This is a hard concept for most people to grasp and it's easy to forget about it in your everyday life. But you will never get "there." There is no "there." Yes you may be driven like me to achieve your goals. But achieving them won't fully satisfy you if you are not already satisfied with the right now. Huh?
Yes, that's right. Achieving your stated goals will not fully satisfy you. However, resolving to achieve those goals while taking real and tangible steps towards that achievement, will help to satisfy you. As long as you surrender to this moment fully, to the way it is right now, regardless of your recent degree of success or failure.
There is no tomorrow folks. And yesterday is only a memory. To be fully satisfied with your life it is the state of your mind and body at this very moment that matters. To resist acceptance of this moment because you have not yet achieved your life's goals is the biggest mistake that otherwise talented warriors in the game of life make.
Surrender to what is. Accept your lot in life, and then resolve to make it better. Accept that it is how you approach your life that brings the most satisfaction, not what you just achieved.
Achievement is fantastic, as long as you already felt that achievement long before it occurred. Visualize being where you desire to be, all the while you pursue it, and surrendering to this moment will be all the more blissful.
You will also discover how much of the beauty of your life you have been missing when you surrender to this moment. We are unaware of so much that exists simply because we don't take time to see it. Look. You will be amazed!
Enjoy your new moments, right now. Know that it is OK to let go - to surrender - to the now. You are not giving up on your drive to succeed. You are simply letting that drive do its work while you relax and enjoy life as it happens, and as you create it, right in front of your eyes.
Happy now!
All the best,
Hugh
I am a driven person. I don't know about you, but once I see a direction that I know I need to go it can drive me for decades without waver. This surprises me sometimes. I imagine myself as less steadfast, more wishy-washy than that. Yet when I look back over time, and particularly when I look at some of my older writings, I am surprised at just how consistent they are with what I write today.
Being driven to achieve what you want is a good thing. But it can also make you unconsciously resistant to the state of how things are. I mean, you aren't "there"yet, so don't relax, keep going - that kind of resistance to the moment, to the way things are right now.
This is a hard concept for most people to grasp and it's easy to forget about it in your everyday life. But you will never get "there." There is no "there." Yes you may be driven like me to achieve your goals. But achieving them won't fully satisfy you if you are not already satisfied with the right now. Huh?
Yes, that's right. Achieving your stated goals will not fully satisfy you. However, resolving to achieve those goals while taking real and tangible steps towards that achievement, will help to satisfy you. As long as you surrender to this moment fully, to the way it is right now, regardless of your recent degree of success or failure.
There is no tomorrow folks. And yesterday is only a memory. To be fully satisfied with your life it is the state of your mind and body at this very moment that matters. To resist acceptance of this moment because you have not yet achieved your life's goals is the biggest mistake that otherwise talented warriors in the game of life make.
Surrender to what is. Accept your lot in life, and then resolve to make it better. Accept that it is how you approach your life that brings the most satisfaction, not what you just achieved.
Achievement is fantastic, as long as you already felt that achievement long before it occurred. Visualize being where you desire to be, all the while you pursue it, and surrendering to this moment will be all the more blissful.
You will also discover how much of the beauty of your life you have been missing when you surrender to this moment. We are unaware of so much that exists simply because we don't take time to see it. Look. You will be amazed!
Enjoy your new moments, right now. Know that it is OK to let go - to surrender - to the now. You are not giving up on your drive to succeed. You are simply letting that drive do its work while you relax and enjoy life as it happens, and as you create it, right in front of your eyes.
Happy now!
All the best,
Hugh
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Minding My Own Business
Dear Friend,
My kids sometimes tell on each other. It is obvious that their main motivation is to get the other in trouble. But I suspect that they also think that they are fulfilling some duty to me or to the family by keeping me "informed" about all of the bad stuff that goes on around here.
Usually, my wife and I chastise our kids for telling. We say that being a tattle is not good. I believe that living in a free society requires that we do no ill to others, but it does not require that we be the eyes and ears of the State. Unless something real bad is about to happen to my friend or to some innocent, frankly I mind my own business. It's a judgment call, so it's a hard lesson to teach.
When you set out on a journey through life, one of the questions that you have to ask yourself is, "Am I on a mission to change the world to conform to what I think that it should be?" Or, alternatively, "Am I on a mission to change me to conform to the way I want to be?"
May I humbly suggest that we will all be more successful in our endeavors if our main efforts at change focus first and foremost on ourselves.
Just my opinion. What do you think?
All the best,
Hugh
My kids sometimes tell on each other. It is obvious that their main motivation is to get the other in trouble. But I suspect that they also think that they are fulfilling some duty to me or to the family by keeping me "informed" about all of the bad stuff that goes on around here.
Usually, my wife and I chastise our kids for telling. We say that being a tattle is not good. I believe that living in a free society requires that we do no ill to others, but it does not require that we be the eyes and ears of the State. Unless something real bad is about to happen to my friend or to some innocent, frankly I mind my own business. It's a judgment call, so it's a hard lesson to teach.
When you set out on a journey through life, one of the questions that you have to ask yourself is, "Am I on a mission to change the world to conform to what I think that it should be?" Or, alternatively, "Am I on a mission to change me to conform to the way I want to be?"
May I humbly suggest that we will all be more successful in our endeavors if our main efforts at change focus first and foremost on ourselves.
Just my opinion. What do you think?
All the best,
Hugh
Thursday, April 2, 2009
What Is A Man?
Dear Friend,
What does it mean to be a man? Today most men don't really know. While women are daily bombarded by idealized yet confused feminine images from the magazine racks, men too don't have a clue what they are supposed to be doing.
Typically, guys are stuck with two images of what a man is supposed to be. The first image is of a cad. He is an arrogant jerk. Superficial. He thinks with the wrong "head". A perpetual teenager. The second image is of an effeminate wet noodle. He every gal's best friend. In fact, he so much like you ladies that he's probably gay.
For those of us who want to celebrate the masculine without buying into either of the above two stereotypes, there is a third way. Author David Deida calls this the "Way of the Superior Man" in his book of the same title ((c) 2004 Sounds True, Inc.).
You see, a man can be powerful, driven, sensitive, loving, and very sexy, and still be a man. Today's men (and boys) just need better role models. And if they aren't getting that modeling from their fathers, then you moms will just have to do it yourselves. Get in touch with your inner masculine, gals, and show your sons what kind of man they really can be.
Talk with you soon,
Hugh
What does it mean to be a man? Today most men don't really know. While women are daily bombarded by idealized yet confused feminine images from the magazine racks, men too don't have a clue what they are supposed to be doing.
Typically, guys are stuck with two images of what a man is supposed to be. The first image is of a cad. He is an arrogant jerk. Superficial. He thinks with the wrong "head". A perpetual teenager. The second image is of an effeminate wet noodle. He every gal's best friend. In fact, he so much like you ladies that he's probably gay.
For those of us who want to celebrate the masculine without buying into either of the above two stereotypes, there is a third way. Author David Deida calls this the "Way of the Superior Man" in his book of the same title ((c) 2004 Sounds True, Inc.).
You see, a man can be powerful, driven, sensitive, loving, and very sexy, and still be a man. Today's men (and boys) just need better role models. And if they aren't getting that modeling from their fathers, then you moms will just have to do it yourselves. Get in touch with your inner masculine, gals, and show your sons what kind of man they really can be.
Talk with you soon,
Hugh
Communicating Bad News
Dear Friend,
Sometimes, when you have begun a journey to a new way of living, your earliest steps involve communicating your new direction to those closest to you. This sounds simple and exciting, but in fact change can be threatening to those around you.
Perhaps you have decided that you need to go in a new direction with your personal relationships. In that case your first act may be to tell a loved one that you no longer plan to be with them as much as you have been. Perhaps you have even decided that getting away from a person that you have been close to is a key first step to moving in your new direction. Either way, delivering bad news to another is never easy, and apparently hurting someone close to you at just the moment that you are experiencing joy is a bittersweet challenge.
The best way to do this is to just be honest. Despite your fears, just tell them what you are thinking. If your personal communication style lacks diplomacy, perhaps you should consider your words more carefully. The key is that you are not trying to hurt them. You do not want them to be sad. But you cannot put off your journey for fear of another's disappointment or inconvenience. They may not like it, but you have no choice, and neither do they.
This fear of hurting those around us is a huge barrier for some people who want to start implementing changes in their life but fear hurting those around them, or who just do not love themselves enough to think that they have the right to happiness if a change may inconvenience others.
You do have the right. And you owe it to yourself to act.
So be brave, look them in the eye, and tell them what you need to. Tell them that you love them. Then do what you have to do.
Know that these hard moments will end quickly. And you are going to love your new life!
All the best,
Hugh
Sometimes, when you have begun a journey to a new way of living, your earliest steps involve communicating your new direction to those closest to you. This sounds simple and exciting, but in fact change can be threatening to those around you.
Perhaps you have decided that you need to go in a new direction with your personal relationships. In that case your first act may be to tell a loved one that you no longer plan to be with them as much as you have been. Perhaps you have even decided that getting away from a person that you have been close to is a key first step to moving in your new direction. Either way, delivering bad news to another is never easy, and apparently hurting someone close to you at just the moment that you are experiencing joy is a bittersweet challenge.
The best way to do this is to just be honest. Despite your fears, just tell them what you are thinking. If your personal communication style lacks diplomacy, perhaps you should consider your words more carefully. The key is that you are not trying to hurt them. You do not want them to be sad. But you cannot put off your journey for fear of another's disappointment or inconvenience. They may not like it, but you have no choice, and neither do they.
This fear of hurting those around us is a huge barrier for some people who want to start implementing changes in their life but fear hurting those around them, or who just do not love themselves enough to think that they have the right to happiness if a change may inconvenience others.
You do have the right. And you owe it to yourself to act.
So be brave, look them in the eye, and tell them what you need to. Tell them that you love them. Then do what you have to do.
Know that these hard moments will end quickly. And you are going to love your new life!
All the best,
Hugh
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Passion Starts with Acceptance
Dear Friend,
What comes into your mind when you hear the words, "Passionate Warrior"? Do you imagine a romantic image of a powerful individual taking on the forces of life with an unseen strength? Or maybe you see something different?
These words were chosen carefully. They are meant to invoke emotion in you, and they are meant to contrast with your self image as it truly is, right now. How close do you feel right now to being a "Passionate Warrior" in your life? Do you charge headfirst into danger in pursuit of what matters to you most? Are you driven by unseen forces to achieve things that most people believe can't be achieved?
The label Passionate Warrior is a hard label to wear for most. An uncomfortable one. Because most of us feel that we are frauds. That we hold back, second guess, hesitate. That we can't be passionate about a life that we don't understand, one that is carrying us along rather than the other way around.
That's OK. You're not a fraud. You are you. And I am me. The label is an ideal. Ideals are beautiful, and in the end, they are fully true. But it takes time for each of us to accept ourselves in this new image. That is because so many parts of our ideal images have been formed by others. And we learned long ago that we do not fit into those others' ideal images. So we must be flawed. We were flawed in our parents' images. In our teachers'. In our bosses' images. Or at least we thought so at the time.
However, the disappointment that you were seeing those people's eyes was in fact their own disappointment in themselves projected out onto you. You can't be disappointed in you being fully you. And being fully you is the one thing in the world that everyone of us is really good at.
Still, it takes most of us a long time to come to terms with disappointment. And finally to come to terms with our disappointment in those others whose judgment we had accepted for so long.
Yet time really is a healer. Let it work it's magic. Be sure that you are ready to enter your passion mode before you start your journey on the Passionate Warrior path. Though it sounds like a journey begun with force and aggression, surprisingly it is not. The first steps down the road to a passionate life are gentle ones. These are the gentle steps of acceptance of what is. In you. In others, and in the universe itself.
Talk to you again soon,
Hugh
What comes into your mind when you hear the words, "Passionate Warrior"? Do you imagine a romantic image of a powerful individual taking on the forces of life with an unseen strength? Or maybe you see something different?
These words were chosen carefully. They are meant to invoke emotion in you, and they are meant to contrast with your self image as it truly is, right now. How close do you feel right now to being a "Passionate Warrior" in your life? Do you charge headfirst into danger in pursuit of what matters to you most? Are you driven by unseen forces to achieve things that most people believe can't be achieved?
The label Passionate Warrior is a hard label to wear for most. An uncomfortable one. Because most of us feel that we are frauds. That we hold back, second guess, hesitate. That we can't be passionate about a life that we don't understand, one that is carrying us along rather than the other way around.
That's OK. You're not a fraud. You are you. And I am me. The label is an ideal. Ideals are beautiful, and in the end, they are fully true. But it takes time for each of us to accept ourselves in this new image. That is because so many parts of our ideal images have been formed by others. And we learned long ago that we do not fit into those others' ideal images. So we must be flawed. We were flawed in our parents' images. In our teachers'. In our bosses' images. Or at least we thought so at the time.
However, the disappointment that you were seeing those people's eyes was in fact their own disappointment in themselves projected out onto you. You can't be disappointed in you being fully you. And being fully you is the one thing in the world that everyone of us is really good at.
Still, it takes most of us a long time to come to terms with disappointment. And finally to come to terms with our disappointment in those others whose judgment we had accepted for so long.
Yet time really is a healer. Let it work it's magic. Be sure that you are ready to enter your passion mode before you start your journey on the Passionate Warrior path. Though it sounds like a journey begun with force and aggression, surprisingly it is not. The first steps down the road to a passionate life are gentle ones. These are the gentle steps of acceptance of what is. In you. In others, and in the universe itself.
Talk to you again soon,
Hugh
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